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Original poster

My mum hates my gift aibu

71 replies

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 02:24

Ok so I told my mum tonight what I had bought her for Christmas. Without giving too much away it was a very expensive hotel stay, a meal and concert tickets, close to the front.
she went quiet and then went mmmmmm hmmm yeah no I really don’t want to sound shitty but do you want to go instead. I saw them performing their latest song and it was rubbish.
I said well maybe you could sell the tickets. She said who would want to buy them.
in context the tickets cost me £250 for 2 and the group in question had to add an extra date because they sold out their other dates
im so down now. Aibu?

OP posts:

Thejewellershands · 26/12/2023 21:02

I would LOVE this gift. Also, i would definitely gift this experience to someone as well. I bought my mum tickets to see a musical for her birthday and she was over the moon. I don’t think your mums reaction was on at all. I’m sorry she reacted that way

TammyJones · 26/12/2023 21:41

@Goldbar

I think sometimes the most thoughtful gifts in the world flop and that's OK. No one is to blame, they just don't hit the mark for some reason. I

THIS
One year bought relative beautiful, expensive bouquet of flowers.

I got - meh

Another year got the same relative cheap scarf - literally £2.00
Scarf - she absolutely loved it- best present ever

SALWARP2023 · 26/12/2023 21:49

Wow some people are really horrible about their mothers. OP bought a gift -possibly because she liked the sound of it herself and didn't truly consider her mums feelings. I love my daughter dearly and she is my best friend but I wouldn't want to go on that trip. I would feel overwhelmed and would have preferred something more practical or to spend it with my daughter. My DM could be ungrateful too but looking back I should have learnt by my mistakes. Op did a lovely thing. Could she go with her DM ? DM and MIL get a lot of criticism on MN but no doubt are relentlessly used for childcare or dog sitting when it suits.

MaxTalk · 26/12/2023 22:09

Why are people so sensitive about gift giving? If someone doesn't like your gift, what's the big deal?

Change it, return it etc. Don't cry about it.

LadyBird1973 · 26/12/2023 23:19

It was a great present - it's not overwhelming to go see a band you like and to stay in a hotel. It was hurtful of your mum to respond the way she did and I'd make less effort next time.

Comtesse · 26/12/2023 23:30

Your mum was pretty rude, glad to hear you can offload the tickets.

Cornishclio · 26/12/2023 23:39

Wow I would have loved that and I tried to get Take that tickets when they were released. Very ungrateful of your mum. As you say a bottle of gin next year.

AuntMarch · 26/12/2023 23:43

I could appreciate the thought while still not really wanting my birthday weekend being decided for me!
I find it a bit odd that a gift for 2 only has one intended recipient and you weren't able to accompany her too. Its a shame it wasn't a hit but no need to be offended by it.

Deadringer · 26/12/2023 23:46

For a lot of people that would be an amazing gift and your mum was very rude imo but, my dh has bought me tickets for gigs a few times and I am just not a gig person. I would much rather go for a meal or even go to a pub with a live band, I just hate the effort that is usually associated with live shows.

TheCatfordCat · 26/12/2023 23:57

My mum would probably have gone, but she's retired and has time on her hands. If she was still working it would have meant aggravation. So I understand her POV, but she could have handled it better. And the OP could have dropped hints to gauge if the gift was a goer.

Okaygoahead · 26/12/2023 23:58

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 11:03

Thankyou for the replies.
yes she’s seen this band many times, literally for the last 30 years and travelled all over the uk to see them.
the reason I booked the whole thing including the hotel is because she’s been stressed at home and said she wants to get out a bit more, it’s also her birthday the day before so thought the hotel and meal would be something a bit different for her birthday aswell.
we also went to see s club a couple of months back so she’s definitely not avert to going to concerts
I told her it was for her and whoever she wants to take, I can’t go with her as I have a 3 year old so can’t leave him overnight.
told her last night I will sell them and she can just have the cash

Given all this, OP, I think it was a really thoughtful idea, and I’m a bit surprised at your mum’s response. Maybe she does have something else planned for her birthday. But stay true to yourself and keep on giving thoughtful gifts that match what you know of the recipient’s likes and tastes.

Original poster

Anon0707 · 27/12/2023 13:52

Yes I wouldn’t have booked it if I didn’t think she’d want to go. I’m a single mum of 4 and work part time, I’m not stupid enough to throw away the equivalent of 2 months worth of gas and electric payments on something she wouldn’t like.
in response to ‘should have checked first’, the irony is that she was actually the one who messaged me saying TT are touring again and did I want to look for tickets. They had sold out, they then released another date hence the reason I booked them quickly before they sold out too.
the reason I told her she could take whoever she wanted was because I didn’t want her to think I’d booked them as a gift to myself. She could have also taken my daughter who would have loved to go.
anyway no I’m not crying over it as someone kindly suggested, I was actually very vulnerable the day I told her given my daughter was in hospital so yes I was very disappointed that the whole thing gift, Christmas etc has been a complete wash out but hey ho life goes on
she’s since told me the reason she reacted the way she did is because she’s got a property abroad and is thinking about moving over there early next spring… I’m guessing her reaction was mainly because she wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet and this kind of forced her hand but as I say it was her that mentioned the concert in the first place

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/12/2023 15:33

I’m a single mum of 4 and work part time, I’m not stupid enough to throw away the equivalent of 2 months worth of gas and electric payments on something she wouldn’t like.

It seems like an awful lot of money to spend on your mum in this case even if she liked it. Stretching yourself like this will always result in disappointment.

Original poster

Anon0707 · 27/12/2023 18:34

Hence the reason I budget all year and save for Christmas every month

OP posts:

PaminaMozart · 28/12/2023 10:13

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/12/2023 15:33

I’m a single mum of 4 and work part time, I’m not stupid enough to throw away the equivalent of 2 months worth of gas and electric payments on something she wouldn’t like.

It seems like an awful lot of money to spend on your mum in this case even if she liked it. Stretching yourself like this will always result in disappointment.

I agree. Given how much you seem to have spent I had assumed that you are seriously well off. In your shoes I'd drastically reign in all gift giving. It's just not worth it - and the money could instead benefit your children.

saraclara · 28/12/2023 10:28

I was about to say that I love experience presents, as I already have to much 'stuff'.

But a fixed date one comes with a risk that it might not be convenient. I had one of those once and while I appreciated the thought, it made life difficult as I had to shuffle other commitments around and inconvenience others, to use it.

But general 'use anytime' spa, afternoon tea or class vouchers are extremely welcome here.

MalaiseMoon · 28/12/2023 15:01

Well it sounds like this was a really thoughtful gift and I'm sorry it wasn't well received.

electriclight · 28/12/2023 15:33

I don't know why you're getting a hard time from some op.

You know your mum better than we do, and chose a thoughtful and expensive gift. You know she likes concerts and you know she likes this band, so it must have seemed like a good choice.

I think she was very unkind and ungrateful. I would never reject a gift from my dc in that way. The only thing I wondered was whether she'd struggle to find someone to go with her.

electriclight · 28/12/2023 15:36

Oh I really should have rtft. So she's moving abroad and wasn't going to tell you yet. I'd sell the tickets and treat myself.

Witchyblankets · 28/12/2023 15:44

yellowsmileyface · 26/12/2023 11:41

Oh come on. It's not even a tiny bit controlling. No one who gifts someone an experience is trying to dictate how they should spend their time.

I was under the impression experience gifts were on the rise specifically to avoid buying people tat they don't want nor need. But apparently it's too easy to get it wrong with experiences too!

Show quote history

“Oh come on. It's not even a tiny bit controlling. No one who gifts someone an experience is trying to dictate how they should spend their time.”

Take it from me, yes they are. I have been the recipient of six gift experiences, none of which I’d ever choose for myself. There is a reason that 50% of such experiences go unused. It is exactly telling the recipient how to spend their time and usually at a time not convenient to them. They are the most thoughtless gifts imo. And if any of the givers of the experiences I received actually knew me, they’d know none of them was anything I’d choose. The last one was nothing but a major hassle - a trip to an escape room. My idea of hell but not only that, I’d then have to organise and cajole others to go with me to do something I don’t even want to do myself. Get the picture???

The OP in this case did have a bit of background on what her mum likes so I can see why she’d be miffed at her mum’s dismissal of the gift but therein lieth the lesson. Ask what someone would like. The greatest gift anyone can give is their time and taking the time to actually listen.

Original poster

Anon0707 · 29/12/2023 23:31

The problem I have is that she buys stuff, she’s got too much stuff, things she doesn’t need or use. For eg she wanted a summer house, she bought a summer house, she uses the summer house as a shed to store the stuff she’s bought that she doesn’t use. Do you get my drift, like there is nothing I can physically buy that she won’t already have. Think hoarder territory but without the newspaper cuttings type thing (not being an arse I work in mental health)
I’m not well off lol, not by any means but after divorcing a compulsive gambler I am very careful with my money and my kids come first, obviously though I want to treat my mum, she’s my mum.
i will be honest and say I’ve thought about this a lot since Christmas Day, she’s been really off with me since. As far as she’s concerned I’ve taken it on the chin, I’ve been completely normal with her, apologised for getting it wrong and said I’ll give her the cash once they’re sold.
for her birthday, earlier this year, I booked her a trip, a nice one abroad, she made a comment saying that she was hoping to go to, let’s call it ‘A’ but ‘B’ would do.
she loved the trip
i actually think she was hoping her Xmas gift would have been a trip to ‘A’ this time and I think that’s why she couldn’t hide her disappointment.
I could be wrong but I don’t think I am tbh and that’s sad

OP posts:

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