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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My mum hates my gift aibu

71 replies

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 02:24

Ok so I told my mum tonight what I had bought her for Christmas. Without giving too much away it was a very expensive hotel stay, a meal and concert tickets, close to the front.
she went quiet and then went mmmmmm hmmm yeah no I really don’t want to sound shitty but do you want to go instead. I saw them performing their latest song and it was rubbish.
I said well maybe you could sell the tickets. She said who would want to buy them.
in context the tickets cost me £250 for 2 and the group in question had to add an extra date because they sold out their other dates
im so down now. Aibu?

OP posts:
MadeOfAllWork · 26/12/2023 08:36

I can understand that something like this could be seen as an imposition. You need to arrange time off work, pet sitter, getting to the place etc.
That said she was rude and could have asked about reselling a couple of days later.

LadyEloise1 · 26/12/2023 08:40

Sparkletastic · 26/12/2023 06:41

She sounds rude and ungrateful

She certainly does.

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 08:44

Sparkletastic · 26/12/2023 06:41

She sounds rude and ungrateful

I agree and have to say I’m really surprised with the responses on here.

Im sure the OP knows her mums musical taste and that she likes the band involved.

jay55 · 26/12/2023 08:55

Whilst I loved being near the front at gigs in my 20s and would stand and dance all show. In my 40s I'd rather sit further back, away from the loudest screaming and easier to get to the loo.

Original poster
Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 11:03

Thankyou for the replies.
yes she’s seen this band many times, literally for the last 30 years and travelled all over the uk to see them.
the reason I booked the whole thing including the hotel is because she’s been stressed at home and said she wants to get out a bit more, it’s also her birthday the day before so thought the hotel and meal would be something a bit different for her birthday aswell.
we also went to see s club a couple of months back so she’s definitely not avert to going to concerts
I told her it was for her and whoever she wants to take, I can’t go with her as I have a 3 year old so can’t leave him overnight.
told her last night I will sell them and she can just have the cash

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 26/12/2023 11:08

Based on some of these responses I can see why Boots sell all those gift sets on a 3 for 2. Why bother being thoughtful with presents.

LeggyLegsEleven · 26/12/2023 11:16

I think if someone gives you a present that then costs you money, then that’s not a present.

I admit we started buying trips/tickets for the in-laws for a few years. This is because there was nothing to buy them. Also they did nothing with their retirement, didn’t go anywhere, didn’t do anything. It was an attempt to spark some interest in them and get them doing things. All it ended up with was complaints though.

Original poster
Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 11:35

I won’t be bothering again that’s for sure
didn’t realise that putting thought into a gift was so frowned upon.
lesson learned
bottle of gin next year

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 26/12/2023 11:41

festivepains · 26/12/2023 07:28

It's also a tad bit controlling. "I think you should spend your time on this"

Oh come on. It's not even a tiny bit controlling. No one who gifts someone an experience is trying to dictate how they should spend their time.

I was under the impression experience gifts were on the rise specifically to avoid buying people tat they don't want nor need. But apparently it's too easy to get it wrong with experiences too!

sunshinesupermum · 26/12/2023 11:47

Anon0707 It was a nice gesture but also a lot of money to spend without checking with her first. I hinted loudly to DD1 that I wanted a membership to a garden society (around £50) for Xmas and once again, like last year, got a non fiction book about feminism that is a highly depressing read! DD2 OTOH has paid for ballet tickets in January to something we both want to see.

Original poster
Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 12:38

Tickets have been relisted on ticketmaster, problem solved and lesson learned
ill go down the materialistic, no thought required route from now on, pretty hard though to buy for someone who apparently has everything but hey ho, seems to be the norm now from what I’ve read :)

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 26/12/2023 12:41

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 11:35

I won’t be bothering again that’s for sure
didn’t realise that putting thought into a gift was so frowned upon.
lesson learned
bottle of gin next year

Wow!

I think I see the issue. That’s what you took from the thread?

It has to be this or something you out no thought into?

are you usually so dramatic? You asked peoples opinions and they gave them

Not one person putting thought into a present is wrong. Not even near it.

Original poster
Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 12:54

To be called thoughtless and controlling and I’m not allowed to react???
ah ok
world really has gone to shit

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 26/12/2023 13:00

Anon0707 · 26/12/2023 12:54

To be called thoughtless and controlling and I’m not allowed to react???
ah ok
world really has gone to shit

Sorry I didn’t mean to say you can’t react.

Oh wait, I didn’t.

I did say you reaction of ‘I will never put thought into a gift again because you all think you shouldn’t put thought into a gift’ is dramatic.

I appreciate you put thought into it. But it appears you got a gift you thought she would want. It’s an easy mistake to make,

But no one said you shouldn’t put thought into a gift at all.

Matildahoney · 26/12/2023 13:03

@nunsflipflop my head went to Take That too!
If they are those OP they will resell with no problem at all!

Goldbar · 26/12/2023 13:20

I think sometimes the most thoughtful gifts in the world flop and that's OK. No one is to blame, they just don't hit the mark for some reason. In strong relationships, people should be able to be honest without causing offence. I might like a band but that might not mean I want to give up a weekend to go see them. Alternatively I might love it. There is always a risk involved in thoughtful surprises like yours because (i) you're not playing it safe by giving something boring you know they will like but instead trying to predict what you think they will like that's new/different to them, and (i) you actually care about their reaction otherwise you'd just give a generic candle/bath set or something else impersonal.

I'd take this one on the chin, ask your mum what she'd like with the money and spend it on that. But don't let it put you off putting thought into gifts - just accept that your success rate is never going to be 100%!

Turtletotem · 26/12/2023 17:26

Just popping on to say can I please be your mum? That's a great gift, very thoughtful.

Wayk · 26/12/2023 17:29

You put a lot of things and efforts. You did your absolute best.

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 17:39

Turtletotem · 26/12/2023 17:26

Just popping on to say can I please be your mum? That's a great gift, very thoughtful.

I agree I’d be delighted.

I got my mum tickets to see Gladys Knight in concert - she’s absolutely chuffed to bits.

ChiaraRimini · 26/12/2023 17:54

Goldbar · 26/12/2023 13:20

I think sometimes the most thoughtful gifts in the world flop and that's OK. No one is to blame, they just don't hit the mark for some reason. In strong relationships, people should be able to be honest without causing offence. I might like a band but that might not mean I want to give up a weekend to go see them. Alternatively I might love it. There is always a risk involved in thoughtful surprises like yours because (i) you're not playing it safe by giving something boring you know they will like but instead trying to predict what you think they will like that's new/different to them, and (i) you actually care about their reaction otherwise you'd just give a generic candle/bath set or something else impersonal.

I'd take this one on the chin, ask your mum what she'd like with the money and spend it on that. But don't let it put you off putting thought into gifts - just accept that your success rate is never going to be 100%!

Very sensible and thoughtful post, are you new here? Grin

Goldbar · 26/12/2023 20:39

ChiaraRimini · 26/12/2023 17:54

Very sensible and thoughtful post, are you new here? Grin

Show quote history

No, been around a while 😂. Had a few name changes though.

BCBird · 26/12/2023 20:44

You can usually sell tickets on the platform you purchased them from.
I had tickers for a group my partner liked. He passed away and i couldn't
face going. Lost some money but better that than lose it all. If it's a popular group u might get ur money back

Rainbow1901 · 26/12/2023 20:52

I had to sell some tickets a few years ago as I was in the middle chemo and felt so rough. I went on Getmein - sold in an hour! I'm sorry your DM didn't like your gift but that can happen with gift giving.

user73 · 26/12/2023 20:56

I’m assuming it’s take that. They’re likely to sell easily so it’s good you’re just cutting your losses

Hibernatalie · 26/12/2023 20:57

Tin of shortbread next year.