Marriage Coach

[Bishops0411]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for advice/recommendations as my wife and I have been going through some troublesome times together.

Last week we discussed our options and as we both love each other we agreed to get help.

My wife has left it up to me to look into things, and I really don’t want to go to ‘traditional’ marriage counselling as personally, I don’t believe it’s effective. While we do have things to discuss and resolve from the past, I don’t see how having someone listen to us for an hour of ‘he said, she said’ is at all productive.

So I’m on the hunt for something else.

I spoke to a marriage coach called Stephen Hedger who sounds amazing. He speaks to both partners together, then individually to get to the root of the problem, then reports back with a plan to resolve the issue/s. However, he charges about £10k which I simply cannot afford!

I was wondering (hoping) that someone else might have found something that they could recommend.

I also think she's taking you for a ride OP.

It's okay for her to rack up debt (equating to substantial amounts) for materialistic things. But you do it for a business loan, pay it back yourself, and she basically withholds any intimate relationship with you. I think that's cruel.

Can you imagine the roles reversed?

'DH spanked credit cards buying cars / phones, I had to pay them off for him and i did something for myself to start a business which I paid off in full and he now gives me the silent treatment and withholds intimacy!'

They'd say it's borderline abuse.

@Bunnyhair, WOW! Only just seen this comment. Why so quick to go on the attack and assume I’m the villain?

financial recklessness. Not taking my partner’s feelings into account.

Despite everything that has happened the last 5 or so years, I adore my wife and I do everything I possibly can for her. And in case you didn’t read my previous replies, she is the one who is reckless with money. She is the one who gets the final say in 90% of family matters (the other 10% are usually joint decisions), she is the one who takes more money for herself each month, despite me cutting back to help with finances, and she’s the one with the nice car on finance while I sold mine to help cover other bills.

i came on here to ask for advice on how I might go about getting help to fix the problems
in my marriage because I love my wife and I don’t want us to split. I have been very open and honest about my mistakes, while withholding a lot of information about the things that my wife has done to me.

nice to know that there are people out there who judge without knowing the facts, or even taking the time to read the basics. You and your marriages must be so perfect. I hope you enjoy coming on forums such as this just to pick at others who aren’t so lucky.

@Bishops0411 dude, I wrote this 2 days ago. Before all your replies, and based on your own assertion that you wanted her to look to you as the leader of the family. Which, without context, sounds pretty grim.

I agree. Sex, in fact any form of intimacy such as holding hands, is extremely important to me. But the initial underlying issue really does appear to be the key to all this.

There have been times when we’ve gone through good patches that have lasted 6 months or more when everything including sex has been great. But as soon as we have so much as a crossed word, she brings up the lack of trust due to the business loan and we endure a few months of cold shoulder style treatment and she sleeps in the spare room.

it’s been on and off like this for about 5 years now, and the constant up and down has finally come to a head.

@Bunnyhair,

fair enough.

Christ, this relationship sounds exhausting. Your wife takes out car loans and credit cards, some in your name? Did you agree to any of this? Why are you paying this off for her? Does she accept that this has a negative impact on the family. Or is it just the loan you took out that is the problem? Unless there is more going on, it sounds like she has checked out but stays in the relationship because it's easier than going it alone.

It’s not quite like that. With the cars, she insists that if we can afford a car for me, she should have one as well. (Even though, when we got together she didn’t have a car, so I bought her one outright with my savings). So I end up getting rid of mine to cut back on our outgoings, and she gets to keep hers.

With the cards, she gets them in her name, runs up debt, then can’t pay it back. So I end up transferring them to 0% cards in my name.

But apparently I’m the one that screwed our family over financially because I tried to start my own business.

And yes - it has been draining me for the last 5 years. And the reason I’m looking for advice on counselling is because I’ve reached breaking point and I need help to determine whether or not I should try to save the marriage

Yes.
I wish men would use one of the many other forums available online.

Just in case you are still looking for support...I know it can take couples years to take action on making an appointment.
I am a Relationship Coach, I work with coaching rather than counselling as it has proven to be extremely effective over the last 6 years I have been working with couples.
I am more affordable than Stephen Hedger :)
Here is my website if you would like to take a look, we would have a complimentary consultation where I would explain how I work, but there is a lot of info on my website that will give you a good idea!
Jane Parker Relationship Coach