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Original poster

How to respond? Male objectification

60 replies

MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 13:53

If you were flirting texting a new guy, sent them a bit of a cheeky pic and they said

‘would love to be behind that’

referring to you (well my arse to be specific!) as ‘that’ how would you feel?

For some reason it’s triggered me and I want a witty response to let him know that I don’t like it or AIBU?

Edit - title is probably wrong tbh!

OP posts:
saveforthat · 25/12/2023 14:00

Well to be honest, if you send someone a picture of your arse, that's exactly the sort of response you should expect. What were you hoping for?

tomatoontoast · 25/12/2023 14:00

Don't send photos of your body OP.

oneflewoverthe · 25/12/2023 14:01

You sent him a photo of your arse, surely it was in a sexual context? Ridiculous to get upset by it. Don't send pics like that if you're triggered.

SamW98 · 25/12/2023 14:02

saveforthat · 25/12/2023 14:00

Well to be honest, if you send someone a picture of your arse, that's exactly the sort of response you should expect. What were you hoping for?

This. Don’t send flirty sexualised photos to a man you hardly know then get offended when they respond in a sexual manner.

C1N1C · 25/12/2023 14:03

Sent sexualised image/content

Upset when response was sexualised.

Yep, 100% the guy's fault 🙄

Greycheck · 25/12/2023 14:03

Normally I'd be pissed off and give them a swerve if it was just a normal pic of me but with you saying it was cheeky pic that makes me think it was more suggestive and he maybe thought that is how the convo was going?

Mintygoodness · 25/12/2023 14:05

You set yourself up there OP.

FloofCloud · 25/12/2023 14:06

Not an intelligent move to send pix of your arse

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 25/12/2023 14:08

saveforthat · 25/12/2023 14:00

Well to be honest, if you send someone a picture of your arse, that's exactly the sort of response you should expect. What were you hoping for?

I'm wondering also.

If it was a picture you on holiday next to the colosseum or something then fair enough.

But what response were you anticipating if it was a cheeky pic?

Original poster
MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 14:09

But surely in this day and age - I can send a cheeky pic of myself suggesting yes, I’d like to be spanked but not referred to as ‘that’??

For me, they’re two different things. If he sent me a naughty pic, I wouldn’t go ‘I want that in me’ it would refer to I want ‘you’ - interesting though, that the consensus is if you engage in any form of erotic speak or pics, you should expect to be referred to in the third party and as a this or that and not as a being.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 14:11

Why would you send him a picture of your arse if you don’t want a sexual comment??

Anyway just ignore it if you don’t like it. There’s nothing you can tell him off for.

Rhubarbandfennel · 25/12/2023 14:12

I think 'that' refers to your arse rather than you as a whole person. You've chosen to focus on that area of your body and so he's responded in the same manner

oneflewoverthe · 25/12/2023 14:13

You sound like a control freak. You can't be in charge of how he reacts. Don't send suggestive pics if you don't want him to react that way. Did you expect people to agree?

Blinkityblonk · 25/12/2023 14:14

That doesn't refer to you but to the body part you sent a pic of. I don't think you can really control what people send back if you are sexting...not that specifically anyway, of course you can tell him you don't like his comment and stop sexting though, it's not compulsory to carry on.

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 14:14

I understand the difference between I want that v I want you.
How well do you know this guy? Might be an indication he does objectify women.
We’re surely all adults. OP said a cheeky pic. Not necessarily a nude.
In this day and age online flirting is allowed? No?

theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 14:14

MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 14:09

But surely in this day and age - I can send a cheeky pic of myself suggesting yes, I’d like to be spanked but not referred to as ‘that’??

For me, they’re two different things. If he sent me a naughty pic, I wouldn’t go ‘I want that in me’ it would refer to I want ‘you’ - interesting though, that the consensus is if you engage in any form of erotic speak or pics, you should expect to be referred to in the third party and as a this or that and not as a being.

If that’s what bothering you you’re over reading

By saying ‘that’ rather than ‘you’, he is specifically appreciating your bottom, a photo of which you have just sent him. He reasonably thinks you want it admired.

It’s fine that you have specific wants about how you are referred to, but he’s not a mind reader. You can tell him when you see him.

Crushed23 · 25/12/2023 14:15

Samantha Jones as she checks out a hot man: Mmmmm I’d like to get me some of that

It’s just colloquial and tongue in cheek, as all dirty talk should be.

But if you’re genuinely offended, then stop talking to him.

SamW98 · 25/12/2023 14:17

theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 14:14

If that’s what bothering you you’re over reading

By saying ‘that’ rather than ‘you’, he is specifically appreciating your bottom, a photo of which you have just sent him. He reasonably thinks you want it admired.

It’s fine that you have specific wants about how you are referred to, but he’s not a mind reader. You can tell him when you see him.

Show quote history

Totally agree. By suggesting you want him to spank you, ‘that’ is obviously referring to your arse and not you as an object.

And actually if a man sent a dick pic, I’d say referring to his penis as ‘it’ would be a perfectly normal response

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 14:18

No need for witty retort. If he’s not doing it for you then find someone who does.

GreyCarpet · 25/12/2023 14:19

'That' referred to your arse not you as a person.

You probably shouldn't be sending sexualised photos if you can't cope with a sexualised response.

You are not your arse. You objectified yourself (ie reduced yourself to an object) by sending him a photo of your arse and nothing else.

I really can't see what you're issue is. If you'd send a photo of your whole self and he'd referred to the whole of you as 'that' I'd agree he was a dick but your arse?

LordSnot · 25/12/2023 14:19

'That' is your arse. The one you sent him a picture of. Don't try to make this a feminist issue.

SamW98 · 25/12/2023 14:19

interesting though, that the consensus is if you engage in any form of erotic speak or pics, you should expect to be referred to in the third party and as a this or that and not as a being.

I can’t see anyone who says or even implies that’s the case. I think you’re reading far too much into both his reaction and the posts on here or deliberately twisting it to to something its not . It’s pretty obvious ‘that’ is referring to your arse and not you as a person

theresastormcoming · 25/12/2023 14:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

cansu · 25/12/2023 14:22

You sent a picture of yourself in a sexy pose saying you want to be spanked and you are now pissed off that he sent a serial message objectified you??? If you don't want to be objectified don't do it to yourself

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 14:26

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 14:14

I understand the difference between I want that v I want you.
How well do you know this guy? Might be an indication he does objectify women.
We’re surely all adults. OP said a cheeky pic. Not necessarily a nude.
In this day and age online flirting is allowed? No?

Ok I missed OPs comment about being spanked. Yes seems you have little to complain about. That is your bottom. Not you.

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