How to respond? Male objectification

[MiddleagedBeachbum]

If you were flirting texting a new guy, sent them a bit of a cheeky pic and they said

‘would love to be behind that’

referring to you (well my arse to be specific!) as ‘that’ how would you feel?

For some reason it’s triggered me and I want a witty response to let him know that I don’t like it or AIBU?

Edit - title is probably wrong tbh!

honestly!

@MiddleagedBeachbum nope you can't be offended if you send a "cheeky" picture of your arse. As a middle aged woman you should know better but hopefully this is the lesson you need.

If you don't like the words he's using, tell him. Say it in a jokey, flirty way. "Don't refer to my bottom as 'that' - her full title is Lady Majestic Arse of Bottomsville," for example.

It's just fun and games - if you want to let him know there are certain expressions that put you off, that's fine. I wouldn't judge him for his comment, though, unless you've already discussed this with him.

Don't let it spoil what sounds like a fun flirtation.

Play silly games, win silly prizes.

If you're flirting about BDSM you really should be able to tell him time out, just so you know I don't like that expression. Otherwise you really shouldn't be flirting about BDSM.

You sound like hard work

OP - Do you usually escalate things sexually before you've really got to know a man properly?

If so, maybe this is not for you?

Have you considered the fact that the reason why you feel objectified is because on a deeper level, you are feeling strange about sexually interacting with a guy before he's got to know you, your personality, and that you may want to feel appreciated as a whole person rather than a single body part?

Bloody hell! What was he supposed to say ...?
'Lovely curtains dear.'

What does a "cheeky pic" mean in this case?
A naked body part?
A body part dressed in lingerie?

The subtlety is lost on some people @MiddleagedBeachbum

He is using language that men might use with one-another when they are objectifying a woman. Or a punter might speak to a prostitute. But two mutually attracted people who have any sensitivity and understanding about respectful communication know the words are things like. “You are so sexy”, “You drive me wild”, “I can’t get enough of you”, etc.

He sounds a bit poorly socialised sex-wise, as does anyone who can’t tell the difference between appreciation and objectification.

If there is any object in the frame OP, I would reply with faux innocence “that what? That chair? I was hoping you’d compliment me on my amazing arse”.

Yawn. You sound like hard work.

@BrringBrringMeow online flirting is a difficult medium. Not everyone is an amazing wordsmith. I now feel OP is being a bit over sensitive. I’m reading it as “I’d like to be behind that amazing arse”. Of course it could be worded better. Like to be behind your lovely… etc
Not to my taste but trust me If he was using truly bloke to bloke terminology he’s more like say I’d love to smash that.

If you don't like what he sent you, that's fine. What I think though is that this is an opportunity to assess what you want, and why you feel the way you do. What you might find temporary fun and titillating on a sexual level, might not translate very well to your deeper emotional needs.

What do you actually want from him OP? Is it a relationship, or do you want to mean something more to him that just a nice bum or a sexy body to shag every now and again? If it's the latter, I'd refrain from escalating things sexually so quickly.

Yes, can be expected because the type of guy who engages in that, is the type of guy who objectifies women. If you don't want someone with that kind of thought process, don't behave like a woman who likes it - until you get upset by it .

I don't think the context of flirting about a BDSM activity invites particularly loving language in reply.

Define and set boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable - or as others have suggested if you’re sending pics and joking about being spanked expect a blunt response.
and again if it doesn’t feel right, by whatever bizarre logic you apply to it, don’t carry on

unless your backside has its own personality, referring to it as "that" is correct

I think you should have overthought sending the picture rather than over thinking his response.

Most of us are probably sitting here wondering if we should go for a third glass of Baileys....how different people's Christmas can be eh?

Thanks everyone! Clearly IABU and glad you pointed it out.

Ive been single years and rarely / never online date as I struggle to interpret things right, I’m much more a meet in person but I’ve been so lonely thought I’d give it a go.

Also never sext, but again have been trying to flirt a bit and push myself out of my comfort zone, but yeah I’m a massive over reader of situations and insecure with OLD so that’s not really a good combo 🤣

I still need to think of a good response as I’d like to see this guy again! My profile stated a singular FWB to also go hiking with and so far we’ve had two great meet ups, just talking and a little kissing, so excited to see where this leads.
Glad it’s me being an arse not him!!

Have to agree with PPs - I don't know exactly what the picture looked like but sounds like you've objectified yourself. If you're sending a "new guy" a pic of your arse and a joke about being spanked then I don't know why you'd expect a "non-objectifying" response..!

Thanks - good advice re setting boundaries

You sent him a cheeky pic and he had a cheeky reply?

If you don't want to be objectivised then don't present yourself that way..

That’s a really good point and thank you - it’s my first time trying a FWB type of date and I suppose I’ve only ever met someone in person naturally and gone from there so expecting that sort of respect when speaking to each other.

Haha thank You and this is the logic I was looking for!