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Original poster

How to respond? Male objectification

60 replies

MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 13:53

If you were flirting texting a new guy, sent them a bit of a cheeky pic and they said

‘would love to be behind that’

referring to you (well my arse to be specific!) as ‘that’ how would you feel?

For some reason it’s triggered me and I want a witty response to let him know that I don’t like it or AIBU?

Edit - title is probably wrong tbh!

OP posts:
Original poster
MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 15:33

taylorswift1989 · 25/12/2023 14:45

If you don't like the words he's using, tell him. Say it in a jokey, flirty way. "Don't refer to my bottom as 'that' - her full title is Lady Majestic Arse of Bottomsville," for example.

It's just fun and games - if you want to let him know there are certain expressions that put you off, that's fine. I wouldn't judge him for his comment, though, unless you've already discussed this with him.

Don't let it spoil what sounds like a fun flirtation.

Haha perfect thank you!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 15:34

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 14:14

I understand the difference between I want that v I want you.
How well do you know this guy? Might be an indication he does objectify women.
We’re surely all adults. OP said a cheeky pic. Not necessarily a nude.
In this day and age online flirting is allowed? No?

You articulated it better than me!

OP posts:
Original poster
MiddleagedBeachbum · 25/12/2023 15:36

BrringBrringMeow · 25/12/2023 14:56

The subtlety is lost on some people @MiddleagedBeachbum

He is using language that men might use with one-another when they are objectifying a woman. Or a punter might speak to a prostitute. But two mutually attracted people who have any sensitivity and understanding about respectful communication know the words are things like. “You are so sexy”, “You drive me wild”, “I can’t get enough of you”, etc.

He sounds a bit poorly socialised sex-wise, as does anyone who can’t tell the difference between appreciation and objectification.

If there is any object in the frame OP, I would reply with faux innocence “that what? That chair? I was hoping you’d compliment me on my amazing arse”.

Great suggestion thanks

OP posts:
PansyPolly · 25/12/2023 15:39

Setting is hard until you have got a common vocabulary. I have a FWB who never uses one of the three common slang words for penis, for example. Just doesn’t like it.

He may have pondered between “arse” “ass” “bum” “bottom” and thought he could swerve it by saying “that” until he knew your preference 🍑

CommonSenze · 25/12/2023 15:52

@MiddleagedBeachbum
So you’ve had a couple of meet-ups and you’re looking to turn up the heat so to speak.
You say the meet-ups went well and you kissed. I’d suggest being as honest and communicative as you can. Also agree with @PansyPolly he may have just not known the right term to use.
I’ve recently started a new relationship and there was some to and fro about terminology. I was happy to be led as I’d rather use a safe term than potentially offend with a crude term.
Get out there enjoy finding out what your man does and doesn’t like (trust me he’s a bloke he’ll like most stuff😉). Don’t overthink it and let him know your preferences too. In language as much as physical.
Sounds like you’re both up for some fun. Enjoy it. Just communicate and if it turns out he is an objectifying asshole then drop him like a hot coal.
There really is plenty more fish.

LakeTiticaca · 25/12/2023 15:53

Is this for real or is it a piss take?

SequentialAnalyst · 25/12/2023 15:58

So the pic means "I might want to be spanked."
And he might mean "I like it doggy style, and am slightly dom."
Or he might have meant to give you a compliment, and just phrased it wrong.

Maybe pretend it never happened. Style it out. It could just be a communication blip.

WaltzingMatilder · 25/12/2023 16:01

No guy is going to respect you for sending pictures of your arse. Not a classy act.

PermanentTemporary · 25/12/2023 16:04

I think it's easy to be turned off by phrases in sexting and dirty talk. Tbh I've found it happens with casual and serious relationships. With casual contacts I've stopped chatting to people who've used phrases that kill it for me, because I'm super fussy. Usually stuff like 'm'dear' or 'how's you' [shudder]

If you actually like him, that's trickier but I guess it's worth engaging and saying something. Without a doubt he doesn't want to actively turn you off. But if he can't use language in a way that's sexy for you, do think if it really works for you. For me it's central.

brainworms · 25/12/2023 16:52
Biscuit
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