Yep, my ex ruined this whole week because i refused to take my little one away with him to a remote place after we have been rowing, broken up and he then refused to sort xmas out at all and access arrangementd to my little girl. Just stormed off and left. Then he refused to take my calls all week so i could finalise plans, be at peace and we could be amicable. He then returned and bombarded me with texts demanding to see my little one and upsets me and my elderly parents who are seeing me upset every day. He called me xx f-ing, nasty, cxxnt and kepts bombarding me, until i gave in and spent my xmas day in tears so he could be with my daughter all day and was her first xmas too. It upset my parents who had got her lovely little gifts and looked after her for the last five days with me after he upped and left.
I posted on here months ago when pregnant and many of you warned me then. My partner would pick me up after drinking and lie about it but worse it was after i had completed a 13 hr day and commuted back for 2hrs (train strikes went on for months). I am a teacher and my job was really far for 6 months lf my pregnancy. He would knock off early in the day go drinking as we moved tep mins from his office so he had a 2 min commute! I moved because rents were cheaper. Anyway, he would also go out two to three times a week and leave me in out new flat alone and i would get up at 5.30am each day and do it all pver again. I was at breaking point with it all by the time my little one came and he promised to change but he didn't. He left me on day 3 with his mother and her partner all day. I was in pain from the stitches and had not figured out breast feeding. I was ok with them being there for a a few hours but it was all day in the end 11am to 7pm. They live 90 mins away. I didn't know them that well. My partner promised to be there but then left all day and said he had work but saif he would come back and get us lunch. He didn't and then called his mum but not me. At this stage i had not eaten. They did not offer to get me lunch and i didn't know what was going on. I was leaking and to he crude was smelly and needed a wash. Finally, he came bacl but when he did at 5pm he bought a stranger, a mate who he invited over into my bedroom and i had my boob hanging out. No one at this stage offered me a cuppa, any food and i was deep down feeling pretty crappy and worried about feeding. I was also humuliated. He let them all stay longer, for two hours more and then his mum said bye and he said he was off too for dinner down the road with his mate. I couldn't believe it and thought his mum was going to say something to him, suggest to stay in and get us dinner. She didn't and laughed and said, "ok, sweety.." all day they were in touch and messaging and he did not let me know the plan. They all left and I felt relieved but sad. My partner then sent me pictures of his food and drinks. I had aksed him to stay in with us and questioned why they could not get a take away. His mate had met him before it turbnd out for beers before he came up to the flat too so my partner was not even working as he said all day.
Behaviour like this got worse. Many visits his mum came and knew about it but she started to snap at me and tell me.i knew what he was like and tell me chilsren mean things can't go plan. She told.me i should have thought about it all before my little.girl was born. This os coming from a lady who had a child at 17 and 19 and the father went to prison. She remarried and then the step dad absued her two boys physically and emotionally. She would snap at me on visits until one day i snapped back as i was still working from home. My school got me to write reports and i got paid well and needed the money. One of her visits was on a day i planned a lovely surprise with photos of them all kn special albums, balloons and a cake. I had juggled all this whilst writing reports, looking after my little girl etc and put lots of thoght into it. I asked if she could let me know whay day and time she was coming but she never ever sent me a message and only let my partner know. I explained this to her and still nothing changed. She only messged him. He would.not tell me. One of the days, day of the birthday surprise she came and would not wait 30 mins whilst i finished decorating and barged in my flat and the living room and totally spoilt the surprise.
Eventually my partner went out more and on day 4 even of my daughter forst week went to football for a day of drinking and the match. I had hardly had time to do any shopping and begged him to stay in but he wouldn't. He went and got legless. Left me all day again. Eventually, my parents came and helped but they were reluctant as they wanted me.to have special time with my partner and baby. They knew i was struggling though. Every week his mum would cme but i never knew which day, a thursdsy or friday and what time. When she came we had to entertain and there was no offer of help to do anything and it wad always a 8 hr day. Eventually it was ok as my baby got older and we would go out but it was tiring. I made.reference to my partners antics and how much he was out and she snapped at me saying he worked hard. She was super sweet of.i was nice and agreed with her lots. She got got involved in our affairs and blamed me for a visit i had to cancel as my partner had gone out for a fancy lunch and football one week and becasue of this i asked my parents bacl. They didn't want her to visit as they felt awkward by now and my dad was angry with what he saw as a total lacl of care nut he tried to help my partner be a better dad.
One my weekend he went on a bender again. At this stage it was every week. Multiple times a week and i was.fed up. I had also caught him twice asleep with my baby on the sofa and he had been drinking. She was so small and this caused me.huge anxiety. He would refuse to put her in the cot and fell asleep sp she could tumbke off the sofa or bed. He would take one to one and half hour baths each morning and wake us all at 5am. He would leave my little one on the bed sometimes, the edge and i would wake after a deep sleep and find her there and him in the bath. I called his mum asking her where he was one weekend and she really had a go, saying i had locked him out of his own Home and i explained i did not want him coming in drunk anymore, especially as it was 1am and my baby was 7 weels old or younger. She really got at me. She also said she had rung him one day and admitted to making it worse between us because she thought i cancelled a visit to be nasty.
I found the visits ok but tricky and i started to feel.more uncomfortable as time went on. She would start to moan about my partner's brother's ex too and say she wad awful and had been after hie money. She had my partner's brother living with her until he was 38 and she took over care his son and acted more like a mom than grandma. My partners brother visited and would also get drunk and get my partner in a state too, paraletically.drunk when my little girls was 3 or 4 weeks old, which was not helpful at the time at all. He was overbaring and told my dad he paid too much maintenance and his ex was awful. It all sounded so complicated and sad. Not happy. His mum would visit and always be sad about stuff. I made effort and started to feel sorry for her and warmed to her and paid to visit them a number of times. When we did visit i wad told i had to go pub to pub and they could not come to us even though i found a nice pub. Paid for it etc . Eventually they did come to us but i wad told i was being difficult. It wad super hot and she wad still so tiny at 5 weeks and had colic. I always made an effort but i did not want her in the car aftwr we had driven 2 hrs anyway and i kmew my partner would be tempted to drink and drive. His brother does and his mum does not care. She laughs at this all and treats them like kids.
There were countless examples of all of this and it got worse and worse and my partner would sulk at me, get nasty if i did not drag my daughter to places. When we did go he would spend the weekend drinking and watching football. I Started to fight back and complain. He would.call me crazy and i started to lose confidence and got down. He made out to his mum i had post natal depression and she seemed to make out i was anxous and over reacting to him. She made it worse as always seemed to condone his behaviour and i found myself becoming quite quiey and apologising to her. She would say that is ok, it is all forgotten but i had not done anything. I started avoiding her visits and seeing friends. I knew i would snap. One of her comments was that i was too head strong and she felt my partner and i clash. She said i needed to sell ideas to him by making out these were his own ideas. I explained this wad impossible when it was abouy safety and not drink driving, or making sure my daughters car seat was fitted properly. He drove off once on a trip to see her and visit his family in local area with no seatbelt arpund her car seat and her in the fron seat and the air bag not removed.
He started to do silly things, more than booze, on nights out and made me feel abd if i chose to go home or not attend. He would sulk at me if i forgot his sugar in his tea and shout till i cried. I wrnt back to work after she was 7 months and he promised to look after my duaghyer for a few days bit he took her to a pub and fell backwards off a chair eith her and returned her to me late at 8pm and it was cold. I wad going undet. If i said something he shouted at me. He called me at work and demanded i just come there and then and watch my daughter as he couldn't even though i had made him promise to stay ay home and work from home. He ignored it and took her out and left her on a floor with a huge bike by her head and it wad not secure. She was crying and looked so sad. It could have fallen on her. I took her back to work with me. It was constant and i am ashamed i had not been stronger. But i was not feeling good. He told me i was crazy. I was wrong. Anxious.
I started to believe it. Eventually i walked away. I snapped. I messged his mum and alsed her for help, to talk to him and said we had left him. But she cried and rang him and said she was too upset. In the end i snapped snd said exactly whst i thought and how she had upset me many times. I said i felt her son was controlling and it was not funn and his past had affected him and was impacting us now too. I said a lot but i felt so low and angry.
Now i feel guilt. Finally. I have had the courage to end it and i am having counselling. But i worry i have ruined her relationship with her extended family. My partner has agrred to get help. He said he did have a tricky childhood and sees he might be contolling and selfish and needs to change. I regret ever involvong her and i feel stupid. I thought she might have talked some sense into him sooner.
Has been worse xmas ever but i am now getting help and will prioritise my gorgeous girl.