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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found texts

87 replies

padmorn · 20/12/2023 05:59

I just found proof my husband is cheating and I've text the other women. I would never normally do this but I am just so heartbroken

OP posts:

marychristmas22 · 20/12/2023 06:07

Sorry to hear this. How awful for you. What did you say to the OW and have you confronted your husband yet? You must be reeling but try to keep a clear head.

jeaux90 · 20/12/2023 06:54

Be mad with your husband. It's a deal breaker. Did the OW know he was married? He probably spun her some lines too.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 20/12/2023 06:58

Do you think she was unaware he was married? Either way, I don’t think you were wrong to send that message. This is two people who have done something very cruel to you. Your DH of course is very very bad here as he is married to you but if she knew he was married, she’s an evil person too to knowingly cause so much pain to someone else.

You don’t have to decide anything until you are ready to think about it. Take it one day at a time.

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 08:28

He kicked off I'll update soon

OP posts:

a222 · 20/12/2023 08:44

he shouldn’t be kicking off, wtf!

he is in the complete wrong and has been texting a woman that is not you, any anger he has now will be a mixture of embarrassment and upset he’s been found out. this should not be directed at you.

so sorry, it’s a horrible feeling.

TheAverageJoanne · 20/12/2023 08:48

padmorn · 20/12/2023 05:59

I just found proof my husband is cheating and I've text the other women. I would never normally do this but I am just so heartbroken

How many women are there? Do they know he's married?

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 08:50

Yes they all know he's married and people he works with. He's threatening all sorts he practically wrestled me because he thought I still had his phone and knock my 2 years old over in the process whilst I was holding our 10 month old. 17 years and here we are what the hell.

OP posts:

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 20/12/2023 08:52

Phone the police if he’s getting violent. Pushing over your toddler and going for you is not acceptable

solice84 · 20/12/2023 08:58

I hope you have someone irl who can come over
He sounds dangerous and is in 'cornered rat' mode .

Didimum · 20/12/2023 09:03

Wow. He has to leave immediately. What scum.

Rania78 · 20/12/2023 09:11

Sorry you are in this situation.
Please reach out to the police.

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 09:13

Background- together 17 years and 3 children. After we had our youngest at the start of the year I made some posts about him being distant, losing weight, going out a lot. He came in one morning at 7Am drunk and covered in tan/makeup and purfume, in June I found inappropriate texts to two women from work. He completely gaslit me.

I now know he is an emotional abuser. I very rarely go out and if I do he huffs with me. I owe him money from being on maternity (yes I know). He has never done any night feeds. He's very manipulative, vindictive and really cruel.

I told him a few months ago I wanted to separate after Christmas because I don't trust him and mentally I felt prepared for this. I don't think he believed me. For some reason his phone was there this morning and I guessed his code. He had deleted all the previous texts apart from her reply which gave it all away and a meme about love.

I started to panic and so woke him up to say that I knew it all along and he can't tell me it's only friends chatting and that they barely chat etc. He knocked my son over who started screaming and he jumped on me to get the phone, he must have thought I had his phone, I tried to hold onto my ten month old. Never ever has he done this before. I feel that he knows what I mean now and is acting accordingly.

Before he went to work he threatened me with all sorts about money the children. That he doesn't love me anyway and the girl was emotional support because I'm so unloving.

I unfortunately text her just saying that I'm aware etc and she replied saying they just work together and that's it. I'm not engaging further.

OP posts:

Hottenan · 20/12/2023 09:51

If you can find somewhere to go, pack your bags and leave with your children. You need to be safe.

HappenstanceMarmite · 20/12/2023 09:54

Oh boy, is he in for a rude awakening if he thinks he can call the shots from now on.

CrystalTitsBoss · 20/12/2023 11:12

I'm sorry to read this. I remember when you posted about stains on his clothes.

PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 11:18

What the actual fuck, this guy is a horror show. To push you and totally disregard the safety of his children in the process? Absolute scum.
Do you have a support network? Parents? In-laws? You already wanted to leave him after Christmas, let this be the final nail in the coffin. I feel for you, OP.

Also, I remember your thread from a few months back about the stains on his clothes. He’s a stupid, drunken arsehole, as well as a cheater and a thug.

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 11:29

CrystalTitsBoss · 20/12/2023 11:12

I'm sorry to read this. I remember when you posted about stains on his clothes.

Yes this is me, I want bidding my time and possibly on denial to be honest. My mind space is much better and I'm prepared now I'm back to work after Christmas and have a universal credit application started.

OP posts:

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 11:31

Just all this time he had denied denied everything and said that he isn't texting anyone anymore, I asked him to at least be respectful whilst he's looking for somewhere else to not do this in front of me because it's obviously consuming me and feel abusive like he's trying to purposely hurt me

OP posts:

butterbean67 · 20/12/2023 11:40

There is clearly more on his phone than he wants you to see. Definitely get your ducks in a row and personally I’d either ask him to move out or I’d take the kids and go somewhere else if that’s at all possible.

im sure he’s cheated multiple times by the way he behaved desperate to get his phone back!

Original poster

padmorn · 20/12/2023 11:44

@butterbean67 thank you I've been planning for the past month here. I managed to set aside £300 cash thankfully because he will cut me off here.

Worst thing is he has his Christmas dinner today with those women. Arsehole. He will no doubt enjoy that I will be suffering with this. If he moved out I wouldn't care but he is almost rubbing it in my face at this point.

He's finishing work early today so hoping I can get out of the house by the time he's back just so I don't have to see him getting dressed up etc.

OP posts:

PossumintheHouse · 20/12/2023 11:57

padmorn · 20/12/2023 11:44

@butterbean67 thank you I've been planning for the past month here. I managed to set aside £300 cash thankfully because he will cut me off here.

He's finishing work early today so hoping I can get out of the house by the time he's back just so I don't have to see him getting dressed up etc.

I think you’d better prepare yourself for him coming back steaming drunk this evening or not coming back at all. Could his behaviour be unpredictable? Can you stay elsewhere for the night?

piscofrisco · 20/12/2023 12:13

Yes-wet to you I would remove myself and the kids for the night if there is a strong possibility he will come back drunk. He's already shoved you, whilst sober.

piscofrisco · 20/12/2023 12:14

*were I you

FartSock5000 · 20/12/2023 12:58

@padmorn you need to call and report the violence to Police. Tell them everything including harming the toddler and the financial abuse and not letting you out.

Make your next call Woman's Aid.

The Police can interview and caution him for domestic abuse and that will keep him away from the home for a bit to give you breathing room.

You don't owe him a penny. Do not engage in that nonsense with him.

You are a victim of abuse. Your view on this is all twisted. Please get help and don't ever go back to him. This is NOT love.

Your poor children deserve better than this.

jeaux90 · 20/12/2023 13:15

Big girl pants on OP.
Report him to the police.
Find a solicitor.
Get all the paperwork in place.

He is a vile person so whatever he does next its grey rock time. Do not emotionally respond to anything.

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