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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found texts

87 replies

padmorn · 20/12/2023 05:59

I just found proof my husband is cheating and I've text the other women. I would never normally do this but I am just so heartbroken

OP posts:
butterbean67 · 20/12/2023 13:19

I would definitely try and leave by the time he is home. He can come back all jolly and drunk smelling of alcohol and women’s perfume and he’ll enter the house and you won’t be there. That would be a kick in the butt for him. But not sure if you have anywhere you can go?
The fact he will financially cut you off is also awful. I’d be calling women’s aid while he’s out and asking if they have any advice for what you can do.

Original poster
padmorn · 20/12/2023 19:15

He came back at lunch time to get changed for his night out, was so tempted to just leave the baby's with him and drive off but I'd rather get rid of him.

I told him to stay away tonight and I won't be letting him in the door. He agreed to this and said he would try find somewhere else to stay after this.

I took the children to see Santa to occupy my mind a bit.

OP posts:
piscofrisco · 21/12/2023 13:01

How are you op?

Indifferentchickenwings · 21/12/2023 13:08

I’m so so so sorry

what a horrible discovery

have you got people in RL that can support you

Original poster
padmorn · 21/12/2023 14:50

He didn't contact me from 4.30pm yesterday and obviously stayed in a hotel, can only imagine how much fun he was having. I told him to get back at lunchtime today so I could go out and get some free time and he showed up later than the is saying he would do what he wanted.

How can he act like the victim?
He was out with this girl last night and I feel like they were probably laughing at me.
I'm really struggling with how much I hate him today. He's being sarcastic and cruel almost like he's enjoying all this. He hasn't found anywhere else to go yet and when I say to find some where he is back to saying I should go.

In order to cope I need him to go now.

OP posts:
a222 · 21/12/2023 15:25

are there any items of value (ideally his) that you can slowly and secretly start selling to get some money saved away?

Dery · 21/12/2023 16:35

@padmorn - I recognise your username but I don’t remember the details of your previous thread, so I’m sorry if I’m asking something which you have already answered: if you don’t want to involve the police, do you have anyone who can come and stay with you and help with the children? This guy sounds quite dangerous and like he could hurt you if he doesn’t leave. He was horrible before your relationship ended and will keep being horrible now that it has, so you probably won’t be able to rely on him for anything.

paulaparticles · 21/12/2023 17:09

I remember your previous posts im so sorry for your updates.

Original poster
padmorn · 21/12/2023 18:51

He's constantly trying to belittle me and he's acting like he doesn't care at all. Said I was a shit wife and that he doesn't love me.

I mean I've been pregnant the best part of 2 years and I put the children first as I should do.

I went for a drive earlier and had a good cry to try reduce my anger.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 21/12/2023 19:33

Have you got any family zoo where you can go for a few days with the kids? Put some space between you so you can have a break and make a proper plan?

Original poster
padmorn · 21/12/2023 20:10

No I have no family who could take me in plus I wouldn't want to leave the house I'd rather try and get him out first. He's taken my wedding and engagement rings.

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 21/12/2023 20:22

Well that's theft, so ring the police and report, report the abuse

YoBeaches · 21/12/2023 23:28

If you can't leave the house then he will have to, and the best way to do this is report him to police for the incident with you and the kids and then call social services too. Have him removed and contact severed.

You can't play 'nice' here, he's too dangerous.

2chocolateoranges · 22/12/2023 09:43

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 21/12/2023 20:22

Well that's theft, so ring the police and report, report the abuse

Police couldn’t care less. My cousin is in the police and her husband took her rings and there was nothing they could do at all. He claimed they had been misplaced but she knew he had them.

do not listen to the crap he is saying, he will throw all kids of rubbish at you eg you’re a shit wife, you didn’t show me affection, I never loved you etc…. They all say the same.

he is the shit husband cheating on you, be strong.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 22/12/2023 09:46

I’ve been there, tell everyone, don’t let him try and wriggle out of it. He needs a massive dose of reality. Is there family you can go to ? Absolute grey rock, do not engage

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 22/12/2023 09:47

And the insulting you is just deflection, ignore it, it’s pathetic

Original poster
padmorn · 22/12/2023 09:55

He is sleeping on the sofa, so this morning my 2 year old woke up at 4.30 so I put him on top of his dad and went back to bed, the younger baby woke up at 6 so I done the same.m for a change. When I woke up at 7am he was obviously angry and said he was going to bed.

I reminded him that me and my older daughter had a hair appointment at 9am which is booked to cheer myself up a bit and shove it to him. He said we couldn't go and went upstairs, I basically had to beg him and take abuse so we could go.

i reminded him he was away for 24 hours for his christmas dinner including hotel stay but hes tired apparently, I'm not ringing the police he says hes looking for somewhere togo, i can tell hes angry about the split but probably because i make his life more comfortable.

we are at the hairdressers now and going to go for a nice brunch I havent eaten in days.

OP posts:
abouttobecomeagrandparent · 22/12/2023 10:17

You need to go to the police and report the physical attack on you and your children. He's a monster. Get him out.

Blubbled · 22/12/2023 11:18

@padmorn Please ring Women's Aid and let them guide and support you OP, that man is dangerous to you and worse still, your children! If you've nowhere else to go, he has to be made leave, whatever it takes and if he assaults you or does anything whatsoever that puts the children at risk, it really does need to be reported to the police. What he did to was a crime!
I found out my STBXH was cheating on me earlier this year, so I know that it's the most horrible, painful thing! It's the most filthy form of betrayal and the only form that's worse is if he was planning to kill you or have you killed, like Judas! He IS a Judas but even Judas felt remorse, but like my STBXH, he's trying to blame you and hurt you even more by DARVOing you! Don't take it on, it's all his fault! I'm so sorry OP, I empathise and send hugs, and I'm raging on your behalf too! How fecking DARE he! Get on to Women's Aid asap OP and start taking your power back!
We're all rooting for you and we're all concerned for yours and your children's safety! Keep us posted!

Rocksonabeach · 22/12/2023 11:20

This is so toxic. Why didn’t you phone the police when he knocked the child over or wrestled you?

please get out and have quiet Christmas without him

GimmeGin · 22/12/2023 12:10

@padmorn As pps have said, you should report him to police. This specimen will leave on his terms, and dole out even more abuse before he goes. If you tell police, they will help you. Please rethink and contact Women’s Aid for support.

Original poster
padmorn · 02/01/2024 09:27

Update for anyone who cares

He is moving out today. Unfortunately it's just a spare room rental which will be a stepping stone. Which means he will still be here most evenings to see the children and I will be doing overnights and early mornings all by myself whilst he gets a lovely sleep. I told him there's a time limit on this setup of perhaps a month or two until he rents a proper home where he can then do overnights.

He's been horrible on and off up to this point. Too much to go into.

However he's leaving today whohoo.

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 02/01/2024 09:51

You're doing so well OP. Keep being strong.

TheAverageJoanne · 02/01/2024 23:57

padmorn · 02/01/2024 09:27

Update for anyone who cares

He is moving out today. Unfortunately it's just a spare room rental which will be a stepping stone. Which means he will still be here most evenings to see the children and I will be doing overnights and early mornings all by myself whilst he gets a lovely sleep. I told him there's a time limit on this setup of perhaps a month or two until he rents a proper home where he can then do overnights.

He's been horrible on and off up to this point. Too much to go into.

However he's leaving today whohoo.

You're headed that-a-way
You're moving out today, yay, yay, yay ......

Good news OP

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 03/01/2024 00:59

Make sure he takes all His clothes/ belongings as when it goes wrong with OW he will think he can swan back in.
I can’t remember were you married if so start divorce proceedings immediately then he will know the score .