Found texts

[padmorn]

I just found proof my husband is cheating and I've text the other women. I would never normally do this but I am just so heartbroken

I'll try this later thank you. Maybe my key was straight and that's why it didn't work.

Oh dear

You would literally laugh if you knew what job I do I feel like a failure.

This situation is his failure, not yours.

You haven't done anything wrong or failed.

He's back in contact with his family because he's burnt his bridges with his partner and has no one (a new illicit relationship is not really anything).

He's also back in contact because he wants to do 50-50 so as not to pay you cm and he needs them for childcare and support.

As if he needed to show it further (after the cheating and family destruction) he's showing even further ... In pushing for contact between kids and his mum, after it was legally decided to be unwise/not in their interests.... To be a selfish, immoral, foolish, irresponsible parent and person.

You're going to have to talk to WA, SS etc about his proposal.

As pp said, he needs people to babysit his children during his share of contact. Hense getting back in touch with his parents.

You keep mentioning not wanting to stop his kids seeing him/coparenting. Why? I wouldn't want my kids anywhere near an abusive piece of shit like him. It's a common but ridiculous notion that any father is better than none.

Now that he's threatening to expose his children to people that the court has deemed dangerous, you have the perfect opportunity to go for full custody. Or at least, as much as possible.

As for why he wants to hurt you - because that's what evil is and that's what it does. Some people are evil. Don't waste your time trying to understand why. Just protect yourself and your kid as best as you can.

Make no mistake, he hates you more than he loves the kid. And would throw her under the bus to hurt you.

Consult anyone and everyone legal you think could help. The best defence against his sort is a strong attack. And too show you are not alone and will call the police/social services/your friends and relatives for help.

Yep you need those documents and SS to see them too. Why don’t you put a huge bolt top and bottom in both door front and back. And slide the dead bolts across - ring doorbell as well.

No. You're not a failure and no one would laugh. It's easier to sort out ither people's problems because you can see more clearly as you do not have the emotional attachment that are there when it's you and your family. That's why therapists have separate therapy because you cannot therapy yourself.

Have you contacted police now?

@padmorn

If he manages to get past the key in the lock, then put in a door chain or bar. It won't be any use when you're gone, but it will stop him from just walking in on you when you're home as you'd have to unlatch it to let him in. You may have to let him in, but at least he can't 'surprise you'.

Also, consider whether or not you can get a non-molestation order or something that would at least require him to give you advance notice.

Him walking into the house is just another thing he's using to abuse and intimidate you.

I'm just being honest here and appreciate all the comments, I'm hesistant to ring the police because I feel like it would be the start of tit for tat and end up ruining both our careers. I honestly don't know what more I can cope with.

Main thing is he is out of the house now and all his clothes are gone. Yes he is coming to see the children but I'm going to take myself off and keep telling him that this arrangement needs to end soon by him getting his own proper place that he can take the children to.

I spoke to a solicitor yesterday about prohibited steps regarding his family. She has given me some advice.

I know now he's just going to do every thing he can to annoy me and try to hurt me so I'm going to grey rock him I think it's called. I'm a lot stronger than he thinks I am.

It's so strange when your in this situation it's like death by a thousand cuts but it all adds up to a bigger picture, how does he not realise himself that he's abusive. He honestly thinks he has the moral high ground here and is untouchable. I have considered speaking to women's aid without giving them my details it feels like a massive step because he hasn't been physical or anything. Like he has convinced me that I'm the mad one.

He has been physical though? I honestly think police is the right way to go. He knocked you over while you were holding your baby and knocked your toddler over just because he thought you had his phone. I would worry about leaving him alone with the kids to be honest. It sounds like you're scared to take that step, and that's totally understandable but to me, I would be worried about him being alone with the children x