DH getting obsessed with what I eat

[Deedee37]

I’m a bit overweight and I eat too much sugar, but otherwise I’m quite active and my diet isn’t too bad. I recently had a blood test done that showed raised cholesterol. Since then my DH is obsessed with what I eat. I’ve already changed my diet since the test result and eliminated sweets and high carb foods (as I wanted to myself) - I had zero sweets and only healthy food all week - but he just saw me open a door of my chocolate advent calendar and lost it, he thinks I’m trying to kill myself with sugar because of these 5g chocolate 🙄
In the conversation that followed he said we’ll need to bring our own food to my parents’ Christmas dinner because their food won’t meet our diet requirements, and that we can only drink mineral water.

He’s not normally controlling and he will follow the same diet to support me as he says, although his health is perfect, but I see a very stressful Christmas time coming up. I agree in general with improving my diet and I’m fully on board, but how can I stop him being an extremist about it?

Your cholesterol isn’t that high I’m that and do low carb to. I did take meds but came of them as the side effects where horrendous and actually didn’t help either in reducing it at all.

as for red meat, butter and creams causing it have been proven a myth it’s processed red meats that do but even then that’s a very grey area.

now for your husband tell him to butt out yes he may care but is going about it all wrong and tell him that.

The only place you get bad cholesterol from is animal products.

Tell him that and that you're thinking of going vegan for Christmas.

He'll soon shut the fuck up and butt the hell out then.

That asside, maybe consider a plant based diet if cholesterol is your main problem.

Imagine completely missing the point.

@MrsTerryPratchett I'm saving that expression!! Love it

Can you back that up with links that animal products cause it please and a vegan or plant based diet isn’t for everyone either

I found out through vegan outreach.
I'm not vegan but am working towards it (can't quite kick the cheese xD).

Bit just a quick Google search gives you this.

You can still be vegan and have high cholesterol but added cholesterol only comes from animal products.

The world health organisation amongst others have certified a vegan diet to be suitable for all stages of life. Of course that doesn't mean everyone can do it easily or that it's necessarily healthy if you don't do it right (eg: you can eat junk food all day as a vegan/vegetarian just the same as anyone else and of course you wouldn't be healthy).

I'm pursuing it for the ethics but plenty of ppl do plant based for health. If cholesterol your main issue, it might be worthwhile. I've found it easier than expected. Apart from the cheese haha.

BIL is the same with my sister. All he ever talks about is diet, UPF, the gym… They once went on holiday & didn’t go for any nice meals (or eat any cake!). She just goes with it for an easy life.

I'm astounded at some of the advice here. Telling you that you need to take your own food to Christmas dinner is very, very controlling. One meal does not a bad diet make.

My measurements are exactly the same as yours but my Triglycerides are only 2 - what are yours ?

I am also hypothyroid and I have just been put upto 125mcgs of Levothyroxine from 100mcgs.

My GP seems sure that if I get my TSH down from 6 which is 'high' for me, that my Cholesterol will also come into line.

I am retesting on 21/12 to see if 6 weeks on new dose has changed anything for the better.

My BMI is 20 so not a concern but I have tried to stop all add on sugar but do eat porridge daily and have used Benecol pots too so am hoping. I have had about 1-2 glasses of red wine a week instead of usual 4-5 glasses of white wine or 2-3 Gin and Tonics ... so here's hoping !

FWIW my DH has zero interest in what I'm eating so in some ways I'd say it's a small bit touching that yours cares so much - fully get that it maybe doesn't feel like it!

With regard to Christmas, taking your own food is a bit extreme however all the other things is what u do to my husband. My reasons are he is overweight he has been told to lose weight and I believe he has a responsibility to me and his children to keep himself well.
I believe there are always reasons why people are overweight.
For all I know I may the reason my husband is.

I'll tell DD!

As this is the first time he’s tried to control you in this way, I’m going to be charitable and work from the assumption that he just loves you very much and the news about the cholesterol has scared him. I think you need to set time aside for a conversation with him to say:

1. I understand this has frightened you, but this is in no way a death sentence! It’s an early warning sign to be aware of one part of my life but it’s manageable and not anything to be scared of.
2. This is what the experts say… (ie a Christmas dinner or an advent calendar is not going to cause you to drop down dead!!) Everything in moderation…. etc etc
3. Now we need to stop talking about this. Your obsession with the food I eat is causing me incredible stress. For the sake of our relationship, this needs to be the last time we talk about this. I appreciate your concern but it’s stopped being helpful and has become controlling. It stops now.

The Great Cholesterol Con: The Truth about What Really Causes Heart Disease and How to Avoid It https://amzn.eu/d/ghQFmpX

I appreciate that he's probably worried about you and wants you to be healthier but bloody hell, he's going way too far!
Tell him to wind his neck in, you're an adult and you know what you're doing and you'll be eating your IL's Christmas dinner, drinking their wine and eating your advent calendar chocolate! Everything in moderation.
The trouble is, if you allow him to control everything you eat and drink then you might live longer but bloody hell, your life will be joyless! Also, I'd be sneaking off for 'naughty' food. He needs to rein it in.

For those who missed the words of @MrsTerryPratchett’s DD 🙂

Slightly different perspective maybe...

I am quite attuned to abusive behaviour and I don't think this is abusive... currently.

I think he sounds like he is very anxious possibly in general? But certainly about you/losing you / something happening to you.

Its clearly being badly expressed but it can be difficult to manage as fear is SUCH a strong driver.
I think the key is to help manage this with him and keep it in check. Revisiting your results which are fairly marginal, maybe having him hear it from a Dr.
Also a proper heart to heart to get him to talk about the real issue at hand ie. You not 5g of lindt (if he is anything like my DH it's a fucking nightmare and requires the patience of a saint....but is worth it as you tonthr hesrt og the issue and csn start tackling it)

"Get to the heart of" not "tonthr hesrt og" 🙈

BMI is crap. I don't know why we still use it. 26.5 is absolutely fine. It sounds like you've made some healthy and sustainable changes and I'm sure there will be reductions in your cholesterol after continuing with that.
I'm more concerned that he seems to want you on a permanent crash diet. And to suddenly "lose it" when you have a small chocolate? That isn't right. Tell him "calm down dear, think about your blood pressure" then eat a snickers on his behalf.

BMI 26.5, slightly elevated cholesterol?

I take it those who would vigorously police someone else's diet because of that know for a fact that their BMI, BF% and cholesterol are perfect, also get there 150 mins of moderate / 75 mins vigorous exercise over 4-5 days per week, have excellent sleep hygiene and never exceed 14 units a week.

You all also have the right hip to weight ratio, right? Get your 5 a day religiously? And a good resting heart rate, BP.....I could go on.

A couple of minor measures from one reading is a sign to take action before there's a problem. It's not a signal to attempt an excessively restrictive lifestyle that's almost certainly doomed to failure (especially if imposed). Sounds like docs haven't even prescribed statins yet (which are a relatively cheap & low risk intervention): that would almost certainly have happened if they were particularly concerned, esp if OP is over 40.

If you eat a lot of sweets, just cutting those out will likely have a big effect, without even changing the rest of your diet.
Doing a lot all at once makes it hard to stick to as a lifestyle change, which is what you should aim for. Low carb is a thing you can do for a period of time, but unless you are diabetic, it's extreme and low carb diets replace calories via eating higher fat usually. If avoiding fat too, just where do you get your calories to function from? You'll feel too low on energy.
IME, it's about training your taste buds and your mind for lasting change. If you cut out something for a long enough period, you lose the taste for it and it doesn't appeal so much.
I, therefore, think a 'little of what you fancy' doesn't actually work. So daily having a bit of chocolate from your advent is enough to keep the interest up for something you should avoid. Why have you even got an advent as a grown woman? (he'd better not have got it you).
As far as Xmas dinner goes, he's being totally out of order there and needs telling that for one day he can butt out and no way are you going to be bringing your own food - that's ludicrous.

It's especially bad as Christmas dinner is one of the most nutritionally complete meals you can eat. Lots of veg, lean meat, potatoes are one of the best carbs you can eat, unprocessed and lots of vitamins, yes even roast. Duck fat is healthier then processed seed oils anyway.

That’s saying we get cholesterol from animal products which I don’t dispute not that it increases it though

vegan and plant based diets are based on lentils and pulses and cheap fillers of pasta and rice with veg or worse fake meats that are full of crap and I mean crap.

your margarines and bio pots don’t help there isn’t enough in them to reduce your cholesterol and the companies know this but have big words to entice us in.

it’s like the fat free yoghurt yeah but full of sweeteners that effect loads of peeps in the long term.

If over 40 GPs give out statins as a matter of course in certain areas and they actually don’t work unless you’ve had a heart attack.

Wholegrain pastas and rice's ect are pretty healthy. When I first started going plant based I probably ate more processed stuff tbf but now I cook more with beans and nuts ect... tofu, lentles, homemade soup and salads.

I don't eat mock meat anymore apart from soya mince for bolognaise (don't like quorn personally).

Vegan diets aren't as restrictive as you think. I mean I think most people have what, 5-10 dinner meals that they re-use weekly? Well you can learn 5 to 10 vegan meals easily enough over a few weeks and that's you sorted. Once you've learned then you've learned them.

I like udon noodle miso soup with tofu, spring onion and mushrooms. Mediterranean style vegetables done in the oven with sweet potato. A bean salad with plenty of leafy greens. Peanut noodle satay. Curry with cashew nuts. Bean/lentil/soy mince bolognaise on spinach pasta. Bean tacos Mexican style.

Lunches are easy as you can just do things like beans and baking potatoes ect...

It's not fair to say vegan diets are all mock meats. Any more than saying anyone's diet all junk food.

There are also lots of good Indian dishes that are naturally vegetarian and Chinese dishes too I believe but I'm not much one for cooking with spices. Probably something I'll work on in the future.

Plenty of sources of protein without needing to resort to mock meat. Which i agree, is crap. But so is most actual meat. With actual meat you get the bad cholesterol...plus whatever hormones and antibiotics they've pumped the animal with.

@Pinkbonbon

ive tried a vegan diet and it made me ill as I have health issues so it’s not that I haven’t.

I say each to their own with diet but vegan isn’t for me and my GP told me to stop but if it works for you good.

as for reducing your cholesterol on a vegan or plant based diet would be the same as a meat one it mostly stays the same.

women in general is higher than men’s too.