Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH getting obsessed with what I eat

84 replies

Deedee37 · 16/12/2023 17:10

I’m a bit overweight and I eat too much sugar, but otherwise I’m quite active and my diet isn’t too bad. I recently had a blood test done that showed raised cholesterol. Since then my DH is obsessed with what I eat. I’ve already changed my diet since the test result and eliminated sweets and high carb foods (as I wanted to myself) - I had zero sweets and only healthy food all week - but he just saw me open a door of my chocolate advent calendar and lost it, he thinks I’m trying to kill myself with sugar because of these 5g chocolate 🙄
In the conversation that followed he said we’ll need to bring our own food to my parents’ Christmas dinner because their food won’t meet our diet requirements, and that we can only drink mineral water.

He’s not normally controlling and he will follow the same diet to support me as he says, although his health is perfect, but I see a very stressful Christmas time coming up. I agree in general with improving my diet and I’m fully on board, but how can I stop him being an extremist about it?

OP posts:
furtivetussling · 16/12/2023 19:20

Deedee37 · 16/12/2023 17:16

I know he is concerned, but every single conversation we have is around food now. Every day is planned so that we can have low carb, low sugar healthy food, and every bite I eat will be assessed.

Yeah well. In order to reduce cholesterol, you should be cutting out saturated fats, so why are you following a low carb, low sugar diet?

ObliviousCoalmine · 16/12/2023 19:32

EveryFrogHasItsDay · 16/12/2023 17:48

Are you dangerously obese or just a stone or so overweight? I think that makes a big difference, in terms of his behaviour.

No it doesn't. Bloody hell.

AutumnCrow · 16/12/2023 19:34

Deedee37 · 16/12/2023 17:56

My cholesterol is 6.2, the bad LDL is 3.8. My BMI is 26.5. I totally agree that something needs to change, I want to lose 5kg which would put me in the healthy category and I want to massively reduce my sweets. I’m concerned about my health as well, but then again I’m not on deaths doorstep and I believe in making sustainable changes rather than going on an incredibly restrictive diet. I also think that I’ll probably need medication to lower my cholesterol because it’s in my family, but that’s another topic.

DH is actually cooking healthy food for me, which is lovely and appreciated. If only he could be less obsessed, I really think that I can easily become more healthy with his valued support.

I think posters need to read OP's reply with the actual figures (and note the ratio) ^^

Spottywombat · 16/12/2023 19:47

It's pretty clear that he knows nothing about cholesterol.

It only makes about 15% difference changing diet.

It's a fast path to an eating disorder, being that obsessed.

My DH and I eat the same diet, he's rocking a BMI of 21 and I'm obese, so I've done a fair bit of research into why...as it bugs the shit out of me.

I've done the Zoe testing and I don't process fats or sugar well, which shows in my blood results and my weight. For me, the healthy food advice doesn't work as bananas and oats were terrible for my blood sugar. My cholesterol is terrible and has been for years but it's genetic according to the docs.

By all means, clean up your diet but spend a load of time reading the current research and avoid all the nonsense advice that is mainly spouted by people who really don't understand the recent advances in understanding. So 30+ plants a week to get a good gut biome, which will help in many ways as it's not what you eat, it's what you absorb (Zoe Nutrition), watch your sugar (Glucose Goddess) and avoid ultra processed food as much as possible (Chris van Tulleken) etc.

Original poster
Deedee37 · 16/12/2023 19:52

Just to add, I mentioned the low carb, low sugar diet because that’s where I was going wrong so far, leading to my overweight. I figure that losing weight will contribute to lowering cholesterol. I also stop read meat and full fat dairy and pastries. I never have fried food so no change there.

OP posts:
zeibesaffron · 16/12/2023 19:55

My ExH started like this, with taking control of my diet and tutting and sulking if I had a small chocolate or some crisps, he then used to make me weigh myself in front of him (if not he used to threaten to leave me) - it was truly awful and controlling and abusive!

That was 25 years ago and now I would tell him to mind his own business, that I am an adult and that I am capable of looking after myself. Let him know you are taking it seriously - but his behaviour is extreme!! But please keep an eye on things because this could go too far very quickly!!

GladioliandSweetPeas · 16/12/2023 19:58

L T controlling B

C1N1C · 16/12/2023 20:02

Bookmarking to see replies.

Interested to see how people think this should be handled. Dietary 'concerns' are comparable to handling spouses who have addictions... You know it's killing them, but once you've begged and pleaded, what else can you do? Just watch someone you love slowly kill themself?

Coyoacan · 16/12/2023 20:10

Does he know that stress raises cholesterol? There was I worried about my diet and it turns out it's my nagging dd's fault

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/12/2023 20:21

C1N1C · 16/12/2023 20:02

Bookmarking to see replies.

Interested to see how people think this should be handled. Dietary 'concerns' are comparable to handling spouses who have addictions... You know it's killing them, but once you've begged and pleaded, what else can you do? Just watch someone you love slowly kill themself?

I agree in general with improving my diet and I’m fully on board

I’ve already changed my diet since the test result and eliminated sweets and high carb foods (as I wanted to myself) - I had zero sweets and only healthy food all week

From OP's opening post. How is her being completely on board with changing her diet to a more healthy one comparable to someone slowly killing themselves with an addiction?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 16/12/2023 20:23

Well he's being an idiot, obviously.

Have you had a thyroid function test? If your thyroid hormones are out of whack, it will affect your cholesterol.

I think the up-to-date advice is your triglycerides are more important 🤷‍♀️

theduchessofspork · 16/12/2023 20:28

Pigglycat · 16/12/2023 17:14

I think it's a bit unfair to call him controlling in this context. Yes, he is trying to control what you eat, but it sounds from what you say as though he's genuinely concerned for you. Normally when men are called controlling here there's an entirely different background.

As for how to calm him down, you'll need to insist on a conversation, and try to follow the medical advice. I hope it goes well.

He is being controlling though.

The OP has high cholesterol and is dealing with it, she doesn’t need his nibs acting like nurse Ratched and monitoring her every move. She is not a child or his paitient.

He might he coming from a good place OP, but I would thank him for his concern and set your boundaries firmly. Obsessively strict diets have a tendency to backfire anyway.

theduchessofspork · 16/12/2023 20:36

C1N1C · 16/12/2023 20:02

Bookmarking to see replies.

Interested to see how people think this should be handled. Dietary 'concerns' are comparable to handling spouses who have addictions... You know it's killing them, but once you've begged and pleaded, what else can you do? Just watch someone you love slowly kill themself?

The OP is changing her diet as she clearly says, she isn’t ’slowly killing herself’. She is following her doctor’s advice, she does not need her husband to ‘handle’ her.

The OP does not have an addiction (ie a psychological issue) she has high cholesterol (ie a physiological issue).

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/12/2023 20:39

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

Any more rules for how a grown woman 'should' be living her life or is it just adults having advent calendars you don't approve of?

Parker231 · 16/12/2023 20:40

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

Why not - DH and I are in our early 50’s and still have advent calendars

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/12/2023 20:41

And there's caring and there's trying to make the OP stick to a rigid diet and telling her what she can eat and drink as if she's five years old.

ObliviousCoalmine · 16/12/2023 21:28

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

You sound sorely in need of an advent calendar.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/12/2023 21:58

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

As DD would say, "are you allergic to joy?"

hellsBells246 · 16/12/2023 22:36

Fucking hell, what am I reading? Have the handmaidens taken over????

You are in charge of what you eat.

Get your h to take a massive step back and wind his neck in!!

yikesanotherbooboo · 16/12/2023 22:55

Your DH is not showing you much respect. You need to find a way to say how it makes you feel when he says things.

StaunchMomma · 16/12/2023 23:08

Deedee37 · 16/12/2023 17:56

My cholesterol is 6.2, the bad LDL is 3.8. My BMI is 26.5. I totally agree that something needs to change, I want to lose 5kg which would put me in the healthy category and I want to massively reduce my sweets. I’m concerned about my health as well, but then again I’m not on deaths doorstep and I believe in making sustainable changes rather than going on an incredibly restrictive diet. I also think that I’ll probably need medication to lower my cholesterol because it’s in my family, but that’s another topic.

DH is actually cooking healthy food for me, which is lovely and appreciated. If only he could be less obsessed, I really think that I can easily become more healthy with his valued support.

I'm sure the NHS advice you've been given isn't as extreme as his suggested methods - maybe that's your best bet for getting through to him?

You're absolutely right that maintainable changes for life should be your goal - his approach could be seen as being unhealthy in terms of becoming obsessive with food.

StaunchMomma · 16/12/2023 23:09

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/12/2023 20:36

He wants you to live... perhaps he just cares about you!

Maybe you shouldn't be having an advent calendar as a grown woman.

Howling 😂

Seriously, WTF?!

ChateauDuMont · 16/12/2023 23:11

Imagine being annoyed with someone who cares enough about you to be upset about your health. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Goldiex · 16/12/2023 23:29

Im going to disagree with the majority here. He cares about you enough to want you to be healthy, you may not appreciate the way he's expressing it but its from a good place. If my parents or partner or child had high cholesterol I would be on their case aswell, because I care. Its not controlling, its in your best interest.