No one will want me by 50, "d" father called to tell me that

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I am feeling so low because I am already struggling with my mental health and last night he phoned to tell me that nobody would want me by 50. I presume abuse of the effects of menopause on the skin, body and hair etc.

We were domestically abused by him and I am very scared of him. I think he has plans for me and is trying to manipulate me and I am feeling very paranoid and even lower. He did something very nice for me but then turned against me which is his pattern. He got back in touch out of the blue and wants me to come and stay with him for 7 days which is very odd and out of character for him. I haven't blocked him because I am scared of him as I have seen the lengths he goes to to be vindictive.

I don't really know why I am writing this - but now just to add to everything else I am feeling like I now have to find someone quickly or no one will want me.

I find it hard to handle communication with him as he is very good at manipulating and is always prying and bullish.

Feeling very vulnerable right now

One of my first memories is being called a prostitute whilst I was playing with my kitten in the garden - I was 3 or 4. I had a photo that day and remember what I looked like.

WTAF.

So he regularly sexualised young children.

And regularly referred to prostitution.

He's giving Fred & Rosemary West vibes.

It's easy to be good at life if you don't have a degenerate psycho for a parent.

Being in abusive situations can trigger ocd and intrusive thoughts. The best way to tackle them is to remove the specific stressor that trigger them. Saying this as someone who had ocd. Once i left my main stressors, my ocd slowly faded away.

Not that that's necessarily exactly what's going on with you but I'm still betting once these people are out of your life your mental health will improve tenfold.

That's not to say you can't try therapy in the mean time. Just that there's only so much it'll be able to help if your abusers are still around. It'll be likely be a case of 2 steps forwards 2 steps back.

Still, it's always good, if you find a good one, to have someone you can talk to.

But...be very careful choosing therapists though. I don't want to scare you but...a lot of toxic sorts gravitate to positions of control over vulnerable people. Vet them. Don't talk about anything too difficult for you to discuss for 3 or 4 sessions. Eg: discuss something that is a 'weakness' or bad memory you have but not one that actually bothers you. See if they try to make you feel better or worse. Feel them out.

If it were me, I'd just buy some self help books instead and focus on taking as much time away from abusive environments as possible. Go read in a nice environment a few hours per day.

Headspace and peace away from abusers is your best defence against them.

@Pottyberry Yes such a good insight. I see the same tactics and it definitely enrages them when I don't bend to their will.

@Ladolcevita233 I do think I should write a book sometimes - a hell of a lot has happened that most people just can't fathom!

I am detached, but sometimes when I see films or things on the TV with parents and adult children proclaiming how much they love each other etc, I feel very sad. Then I just move on and try to be grateful for what I do have.

@Pinkbonbon yes, I was told years ago by a brilliant psychiatrist that I couldn't be treated at the time, as she said what was happening in my life at the time was too stressful and treatment wouldn't work.
She also said that she sees that I have tried to soldier on by trying everything in my power but it wouldn't work and she was right; exercise, self help, meditation, CBT etc etc had never worked for me. She would have been excellent, I really hit on with her.

I agree about some of these therapists doing more harm than good. I ditched 2 from day 1 they were horrible, but I will try what you said as that's a good tip to test them out.

I'm going to make excuses and say I now do shift work do can't answer as like PP said it is exhausting and stressful trying to manage him.