No one will want me by 50, "d" father called to tell me that

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I am feeling so low because I am already struggling with my mental health and last night he phoned to tell me that nobody would want me by 50. I presume abuse of the effects of menopause on the skin, body and hair etc.

We were domestically abused by him and I am very scared of him. I think he has plans for me and is trying to manipulate me and I am feeling very paranoid and even lower. He did something very nice for me but then turned against me which is his pattern. He got back in touch out of the blue and wants me to come and stay with him for 7 days which is very odd and out of character for him. I haven't blocked him because I am scared of him as I have seen the lengths he goes to to be vindictive.

I don't really know why I am writing this - but now just to add to everything else I am feeling like I now have to find someone quickly or no one will want me.

I find it hard to handle communication with him as he is very good at manipulating and is always prying and bullish.

Feeling very vulnerable right now

What a nasty, twisted old man he is. Of course his viewpoint on women is grotesque, being the pathetic dickswing that he is. It’s called ‘baiting’, OP - it’s one way an abusive individual gets his ‘fuel’, ie he gets a huge kick from seeing that he’s hurt you and is revelling in the fact that you’ve taken what he’s said to heart. He feels empowered that he’s eroded your self-esteem. That’s how deeply gnarled, rotten and evil these kinds of abusers are. Block, block and block again. I wish you well in ridding these men (who let’s face it, no one would want 😀) from your life.

@MintJulia yes I phoned the electoral people and said why I didn't want to fill in their form, but they still keep sending letters saying I will get fined if I don't reply.

You are struggling to understand what you know to be true: he wants to hurt snd control you. That is why he contacts you and says mean things. There is no truth value to what he says. Stop wondering why he does stuff snd take action to block him.

You can opt out of being on the open register.

https://www.gov.uk/electoral-register/opt-out-of-the-open-register

@chickendinnerroasted and
@ForTonightGodisaDJ

Oh I love hearing things like this. It gives me hope that there are some lovely men out there. I did know deep down that men do like to be with their peers ultimately and not all are obsessed with 20 year olds. One day after I'm sorted in myself, I would like to experience that.

I have noticed "DP" starting to really insult my appearance lately, as God forbid I don't look exactly like I did in my 20s. Funnily enough another somatic type obsessed with looks.

Because he’s your abuser, and you’re afraid of him. And that’s what you would tell the police.

Please don't think you aren't good at life. We all struggle at times but you have the added complication of a lot of horrible men acting against your best interests. Every day they don't win you are smashing it. You sound strong, they sound pathetic.
You clearly have great insights into your dads behaviour, your brothers' behaviour and your future exes behaviour. Hold onto that. Don't ever let them have you questioning yourself. You know your dad is abusive and that is why he does anything, because he is abusive.
And I know we mere mortals don't look like her, but imagine telling Jenifer Lopez that no-one will want her now she's in her 50s! Of course you wouldn't so treat what your twat of a dad says as equally ridiculous.

@pikkumyy77 I do have trouble with it and need to searching what it is about me that has made people treat me with such hate. I always think I must have done something, but it's because of what you have all said here, it's because they are lacking and want to hurt and control me.

@PinkArt I am hoping that once I contact the trauma counselling service posted by the lovely pp and get help with practicalities, I can become good at it, like when I was a goal-setter full of hope!

I feel calmer since ai posted her. I just need to get to the next step now.

Thank you for all who took the time to comment , as I have been frightened by my thoughts and feelings.

Given that he has been so abusive towards you for so long, please don't take on board what he says to you in the name of 'helping'. He is not helping you, he is continuing his campaign of making you feel utterly worthless.

He did tell me once that I am lucky he didn't sell me (I think he meant sexually), as that's what some parents do.

Ah that's his benchmark, is it.

Sounds very reasonable.

My kids Dad would rip the entrails out of someone who considered abusing his DD ....your "Dad" actually thought that thought and verbalised it.

He has got to have some kind of personality disorder.

What about NC with him?

Sometimes it's necessary.

I briefly dated a cheating, promiscuous, visa geezer (two women used for a visa to developed countries and counting) ... When challenged about the cheating he replied "some men are fucking little boys up the ass".

Basically I'm better than that.

So what missing the fact that pointing out that you're not as bad as the worst depraved most immoral criminal pieces of shit on the planet ....is not anything to take credit for.

Your Dad sounds like that.

Well, I could have sold my child into prostitution but didn't - so I'm a good guy, ain't I.

Em....noooo.

Reminds me of Chris Watts stand up routines about people on the black community (he is black in case anyone doesn't know) who boast. "i ain't gone to jail', "I take care of my babies" ..... He said "you're not supposed to go to jail!! You're supposed to look after your own kids!! Why do want credit for doing ordinary things you're supposed to do".

But your Dad is kinda the reverse, he thinks he he deserves credit for not doing pretty much the worst thing a parent could ever do to their child, or any adult to a child. And something that's a criminal act resulting in how many years in prison (?) to boot.

Who the fuck even thinks that way.

If you meet an emotionally healthy man who loves you for you, your father will HATE him. If you meet an arsehole just like your father, you'll be getting abuse from all angles. So what's wrong with being single. I'd rather that than being an abuser's foot soldier. |I'd leave him well alone, for the rest of his life. Say ''nobody wants me and yet, I still don't have time for you'' and then block him.

Get rid of your partner then go NC with your family. Truly the men in your life are shit, this is not normal and frankly I can’t believe your dad said that thing about “selling you” thats just fucking grim. My dad was a narc (therapist thinks so too, a horrible selfish man and he would never have said anything like this, theres a damn line)

None of this is normal, none of them are normal, you are fine it’s them. You don’t have to talk to anyone or go anywhere.

Your primary focus needs to be getting all of these abusuve men out of your life.

Trauma therapy sounds good but here's the thing- right now you have instincts for a reason. You have reactions to people in order to warn you.

Trauma therapy should come after you are out.

You don't need to be working on overcoming your trauma right now. You need to be using it as fuel to motovate you to leave.

Only once the knives are out can the wounds be healed.

Right now you need to be taking practical steps to get away from the key abuser in your home. So tell us, what is stopping this from happening atm? What challenges do you need to overcome? (Eg: who's house is it? Do you work? ect)

I'd also speak with women's aid for practical advice.

Ps: do not go on holiday with your abusive father.

Also, not meeting somebody by age 50 is not the end of the world. Plenty of people lead happy single lives.

My cousin (56) met a lovely woman (55) a couple of years ago, OP. They’re in love and having the time of their lives!

Exactly this.

Look at the men you have in your life right now. Do you actually think being single would be a bad thing in comparison to this bullshit.

Tbh new partners aren't even remotely relevant right now anyway as you still have to escape abuse and heal from it and learn how to spot it in future before even considering dating again. Healing and self work should take several years.

At 50, with a child and a history of abuse surrounding you I'm not sure why you would want another relationship anyway tbh. Fuck that.

I think your instincts are right OP. Father wants something from you and so wants to knock your confidence and hope for the future, so you'll be open to listening to what he "offers".
I think your P is using the same method to try to keep you.
We all get older, and look older, but I'd bet there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, your looks, your personality, you are being targeted by men who know you don't need them, so are trying to manipulate you.
CBT didn't work for me, but other therapy did, I wish you the very best op, neither man has power over you. You are the more powerful one.

He definitely has. From my research I think something like dark triad psychopath. I obviously can't really go into everything here but there's a reason I have always been terrified of him. I've been on and off n

The sad thing is maybe he just didn't have the idea at the time. One of my first memories is being called a prostitute whilst I was playing with my kitten in the garden - I was 3 or 4. I had a photo that day and remember what I looked like.

@ChanelNo19EDT He is urging me to meet someone else is how he is putting it, but not to wait too long as no one will want me by that age.

@Pinkbonbon

I see what you're saying, but I need some kind of support first, as I have been having very intrusive feelings that have been frightening me.

I think perhaps then I may be able to function. I admire the people who have horrible mental and physical issues and can still function successfully. I have tried so hard to do that over the years and I simply cannot after the last toxic work nightmare. I think that is the problem. I have tried to just carry on throughout my life and it has not been a successful strategy and I go back to square one each time.

At least you have gained the detachment/perspective or whatever the right word is to realise.

Now you just need to keep it in mind with every interaction.... "Put him in your phone as "dark triad disordered sociopath abuser".

But do you really have to have contact anyway?

Trying to step yourself against someone like him is exhausting and stressful - it's better to not even hear it.