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Original poster

Walking red flag?

68 replies

Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 09:51

I think I may already know the answer to this question but hear me out as I'm new to the dating game after a long term relationship so just trying to make sense of this guy I met on bumble.
We have been texting a lot for about a month (I now realise this isn't healthy and will not make this mistake again), v intense chemistry, lots of sharing of pics etc etc he has been working away so not been available to meet up until this week, date was all pinned down but then he said he can't make it because he has to see his son, he was v apologetic and suggested a new day to meet up, I appreciate his circumstances are hard and I don't think he's been completely honest with me but I get that shared co-parenting arrangements can sometimes throw a spanner in the works.
I was pissed off as I'd actually made my own childcare arrangements for the date so it was a disappointment to say the least.
He's now promised me that we can meet next week, although because of this flakiness I am kind of going off the idea.
Anwyay the red flags I've spotted from him are, intermittent contact, his phone battery is always dead, but he has persistently messaged me several times a day, full of compliments, charming af (texted me a poem), incredibly hot, we have spoken on the phone a few times and conversation flowed fine.
Now I am left on the fence thinking, am i over thinking this and he's just one of these guys who has a messy personal life (in which case I don't want to get involved) although I am not looking for a relationship so I don't mind a fling but he has really got in my head, or does he actually genuinely like me and he is just shit at communicating and I should still pursue the date?

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 15/12/2023 09:55

Hes married. Walk away.

WeeOrcadian · 15/12/2023 10:00

Married.

Throw him back. It won't end well.

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 10:05

Wow really, why the conclusion that he's married? I thought he might still have a clingy ex but didn't think he'd be married 😬

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 15/12/2023 10:08

When you first start talking/liking/flirting with someone, the way they speak/act, and behaviour from then is showing who they are, it is setting the scene for how it could continue in to a relationship, if you had one with him.
It should be very easy at this point not confusing, when you say he texts alot but his battery is always dead? How does that work then?
It's hard when you think you like someone but then there is the other confusing side to things.

OkayScooby · 15/12/2023 10:10

Working away.
Flat battery.
Cancelled date.
You've never actually met?
Sounds like a keeper.

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 10:15

I know right, the writing is on the wall, I think I just got sucked in by his persistence of texting, all the time, flooding me with compliments one day and then he disappears for a day or two and I hear nothing. Also I totally put my eggs in one basket purely because I've been busy and it's easy sometimes to fall into the trap of just speaking to one person, but as a result I've gone back on bumble and started talking to loads of other guys to get a gauge of his behaviour and I've realised it's really not good 😬

OP posts:
itsgoodtobehome · 15/12/2023 10:50

Definitely married. The intermittent texting is just when his wife isn't around.

rainbowstardrops · 15/12/2023 10:53

We obviously don't know for sure but my initial thought was that he already has a partner too. Might be wrong but it sounds like a bit of a shaky start!

MissIndecisive2023 · 15/12/2023 10:56

Listen to your gut. You have said you are going off the idea of meeting him. Regardless of all the other (many!) red flags you have listed, your gut feeling is saying no. I'd pay attention to it!

PanicAtTheLibrary · 15/12/2023 11:00

Trust your gut. Intermittent messaging but intense when he does? At work or wife away. Flakey on plans? Leading you on.

Also - sharing pics with someone you've never met and therefore cannot trust? Risky! I am assuming you're meaning nudes given the intensity and passion you've described.

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:10

No not nudes, well I haven't sent him nudes anyway I draw the line at that, but tbh my guard was up when he wanted to send me dick pics quite early on, I initially said no as I'm not into it but we were sexting quite intensely so I got carried away. The red flag for me was the disappearing messages of his dick pics, then I'd say is this you now? And he's respond saying, no that was a few days ago. I mean, he didn't send the pic to me a few days ago so he's clearly sharing his dick all over the internet 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:14

The only thing that baffles me is what is the point? What does he want from me? When he cancelled I said I'm going to date other guys and see you later kind of thing, he then flooded me with messages saying 'please don't think I'm flaking on you, I really like you etc etc' then minimal contact since then. I have actually been v strong throughout our whole interaction and NEVER initiated contact with him first, once, it's always been him coming to me so at least there's that I guess that I'm not the one to blame for the intensity of the whole situation

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 15/12/2023 11:16

A question: Why do you think you should entertain the idea of dating someone who doesn't consistently wow you?

SheerLucks · 15/12/2023 11:16

Tbh my guard was up when he wanted to send me dick pics. *
*
WHAT??

And you're asking if he's potential relationship material. Good lord....

dangerrabbit · 15/12/2023 11:20

Raise your bar. Block this married loser.

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:21

He has consistently wowed me up until this point.....and the dick pics, I know, but I am equally guilty of making our chat sexual and I've been ok with it, I have my boundaries and I've made that clear to him, I understand dick pics aren't for everyone but I think if it's consensual and you're ok with it then that's your personal choice. We both also had a conversation about not wanting a relationship so I'm not looking to marry him but equally I don't want to get dicked around just for a date!!

OP posts:
IhaveanewTVnow · 15/12/2023 11:21

No no no to dick pics. It’s not normal at the start of a dating relationship. You are so normalising inappropriate behaviour. Move on. Would you be happy if a bloke showed you his dick on a first date or just in the pub? No I hope.

ive done OLD. Do not reply to anyone that just says hey babe, hey beauty etc etc. you need to up your boundaries and standards.

Watchkeys · 15/12/2023 11:22

He has consistently wowed me up until this point

And now...?

JudyGemstone · 15/12/2023 11:24

There’s nothing wrong with dick pics if he asked and you consented. He doesn’t sound like he’ll make a good partner though, definitely fuckboy vibes. If you want a sexy fling go for it but he’s not boyfriend material. Also you don’t know if you have chemistry before you’ve even met!

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:28

Yup that's the thing, he is hot on his photos and on the phone but i asked to video call last week and he said just chat, which I thought was odd although didn't bother me that much.
Look I'm learning, he isn't the right one I know, but it's all experience and he's made me realise I do have boundaries and I am still quite emotionally vulnerable, at least I haven't met him, as I can tell he's the kind of guy you'd have amazing sex with then he would disappear in a puff of smoke!!!

OP posts:
Milliemoos5 · 15/12/2023 11:33

Bet you my life he’s a catfish…absolutely everything you’ve said points to a classic cat fish. He will be using face pics of someone else. The messing you around to meet you (cos he’s not real), the reluctance to do a video call

guarantee you he’s a cat fish, and one with a partner at that

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:34

Yeah that's the other thing that did cross my mind to be fair, could be catfishing me for sure, but he's not got anything out of me so he's failed 🤣

OP posts:
Milliemoos5 · 15/12/2023 11:36

Yea he has.. he’s got his sexual kicks off you. That’s what the majority of catfish do

Original poster
Cherrypiepieces · 15/12/2023 11:49

Mmm yep well lesson learned. The only thing about the catfish bit was all his photos were verified on the app

OP posts:
Milliemoos5 · 15/12/2023 11:54

The verification of photos is easy for a catfish to by pass. I won’t write it on here how, but it’s the easiest thing ever to do.