Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are they really just friends

71 replies

Inapickledonion · 14/12/2023 19:10

Today I was in the area of DH’s work so I was going to grab coffees & cakes and message him to see if I could drop in quickly as a little surprise (it’s his birthday). As I was approaching I saw him and his female colleague coming out of the Costa, they were walking side by side all squashed up against each other, heads together, laughing and speaking animatedly with each other, across the road and up to the office, he held the door for her, she went in all smiles. It looked very cosy.

They’ve worked together for years and years, I know they get on well and to be honest I have worried a couple of times, he talks about her quite a bit off and on over the years. She’s several years younger, attractive and curvy, married with young kids. He’s always been very reassuring that they’re just friends and I didn’t want to seem controlling about it.

But today…they didn’t look like just friends. I have met her several times but I’d never seen them together without them knowing before. I feel gutted and don’t know what to do :-( Am I overreacting? It’s not like they were kissing or anything but it seemed intimate?

OP posts:
SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 14/12/2023 19:11

Did you still meet him afterwards?

bossybloss · 14/12/2023 19:12

Tell him that you saw them together….. his face might give him away! Xxxx

DaughterNo2 · 14/12/2023 19:14

So did you speak? Text him and say I’m outside your office?
what happened after you saw them?

Original poster
Inapickledonion · 14/12/2023 19:14

No I didn’t meet him and now he’s gone out (not with her) for a work dinner. I don’t know if I should say something or stay quiet and try to do some digging.

OP posts:
Raisinsandweetabix · 14/12/2023 19:16

Go with your gut on this... we are rarely wrong as women. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this but you must keep your eyes open

Original poster
Inapickledonion · 14/12/2023 19:28

I don’t have any close male friends and I only work with women so maybe I’m overreacting, and it’s normal? I just would never walk so close like that with anyone other than DH.

OP posts:
SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 14/12/2023 19:29

No it is not normal. It is inappropriate. How do you know she isnt on the work dinner? Or that it is a work dinner?

can you pass by?

FancyBottom · 14/12/2023 19:33

Possible to have sexual chemistry but no cheating has taken place.

Lovemusic82 · 14/12/2023 19:33

I usually say “go with your gut” because it’s usually right. But I do have make friends, my best friend is male and we do hug and stand/sit pretty close to each other, I don’t have any sexual feelings for him. It is possible they are friends but I didn’t see them and I don’t know your dh (you do).

Original poster
Inapickledonion · 14/12/2023 19:34

I’m home with the children unfortunately. She wouldn’t be there if he’s telling the truth about the work event, it’s only for a subset of the wider company and she doesn’t qualify. I presume he was telling the truth but he could be lying I suppose.

OP posts:
ScottishStardust · 14/12/2023 19:40

I'd usually be saying the same as everyone else but I wanted to comment as I have a close work male friend - totally innocent! We've been to the cinema together, met for coffee over the years, and message frequently!

In the last 4+ years we meet up as couples now (the 4 of us) and sometimes get together as families too.

It could he totally innocent, but you need to speak to him about it and what you saw.

Original poster
Inapickledonion · 14/12/2023 19:44

Thanks, some reassuring comments. It’s not that they got coffee together though that troubles me, that’s no problem. It’s just how close they were, literally sides pressed up against each other, heads nearly touching, grinning and laughing. It made me feel awful seeing him so up close and personal with another woman.

OP posts:
shininglight16 · 14/12/2023 19:44

I'd say go with your gut too OP, if you feel there's more to it then that may possibly be true.

Try to do some digging before you confront him, see if you can collect evidence.

The work dinner may not actually be a work dinner but a date with this woman? You never know. Has he been acting weird at home, looking at his phone all the time? Coming home later than usual? Going for work dinners more often?

I'm a bit surprised that he's spending his birthday going for work dinners, seeks suspicious.

solice84 · 14/12/2023 19:47

I believe men and women can be friends
I think the thing to ask ourselves in these situations is how you'd feel if the friend had been a man ?
Well personally I'd be very weirded out if I saw my DH behaving that way with another man so why should it be any different with a female friend
It's inappropriate

Tiredbehyondbelief · 14/12/2023 19:47

You can try talking to him about what you saw along the lines "This is how I feel...". If he cares about your feelings he cares about you and he would avoid this kind of situations in the future. If it's more than a friend then I think he will start protesting it's only friendship and you are interfering. When a man cares deeply about a woman he would adjust his behaviour.

HotGirlInHell · 14/12/2023 19:59

Mmmm.

I know that my (ex) colleague and I would never have behaved as we did in front of our spouses.

We never so much as kissed but everything else was over the line. Emotionally, we would talk about our partners, we hugged and touched all the time, would say 'I love you' and try to make it sound like it was just friendly...

It was an affair really, without the sex. You should definitely keep an eye on this.

Iloveabaileys · 14/12/2023 20:08

I think most of us wouldn't like seeing that tbh and you were there not us so you know what you saw and how you felt about it.

I wouldn't like it , doesn't mean anything is going on but like other poster said , he's on a work dinner on his birthday?

I had a similar situation and I stewed on it , I shouldn't of . I won't go into it . But if you don't speak up about it , you will overthink even more and it will make it worse trust me.

OhcantthInkofaname · 14/12/2023 20:12

Ask him what he did for lunch.

solice84 · 14/12/2023 20:14

OhcantthInkofaname · 14/12/2023 20:12

Ask him what he did for lunch.

This would be interesting

ClaireUnderwoodforPresident · 14/12/2023 20:16

This 100000%

Ablondiebutagoody · 14/12/2023 20:20

The walking all squashed up together would ring alarm bells for me too. I don't think there is much to be gained by asking what he did for lunch. I would probably just keep schtum, keep an eye on things, dig a little.

FictionalCharacter · 14/12/2023 20:26

Walking pressed together with heads almost touching is very intimate. Doesn't sound good I'm afraid. I can't imagine ever behaving like this with a male friend.

ZenNudist · 14/12/2023 20:28

Worrying. I'd not say anything and start to keep an eye out.

Iloveabaileys · 14/12/2023 20:33

Well there's only a couple of options

You have it out with him
Or her
Become a detective

My advice would be to just say you saw them together today as you wanted to treat him for his birthday and just be honest as calmly as you can that you didnt like what you saw. Just see what his reaction is . Just go from there really .

pearlyballs · 14/12/2023 20:34

Keep an eye out and start investigating. This could be written about myself and a colleague, totally inappropriate together despite both being married.

Swipe left for the next trending thread