He's acting like it means nothing to him

[cannotdoitanymore]

Partner of 8 year and I have agreed to split in the new year. We have a toddler so this is not an easier decision but we are both on board with it as a plan. I'm clearly emotionally affected by it all and he's just cracking on as normal - why is this? An attempt to hurt me? Or he genuinely doesn't care? We have agreed to remain civil but the lack of emotion is just so hurtful. And a few weeks before Christmas as well, it's all just so awful. We are going have to get through Christmas as a "fake" family and then separate. 😞

I broke up with my ex over his cheating and it’s tainted Christmas for me. He packed his bags and left on the 27th December. I don’t want him back but him leaving was the start of me moving on. Pretending for Christmas was him trying to appear like a decent guy and making himself feel better. Chances are you will start detaching once you have the physical separation too.

You are expecting sympathy and kindness from someone who has clearly emotionally detached from you a long time ago. Don’t expect him to be kind to your feelings anymore or express sadness because that’s obviously bullshit. Tell people about the split and get your support from people who are good for you. Words of support from an ex are empty sentiments and you’ll feel shit listening to someone telling you what should be said rather than what he really feels which is excitement about his future with you.

Your child is a toddler and won’t remember this Christmas. Be the adult and say no to this charade that only makes him look and feel better.

Sending love and hugs

He acts like he does not care because he probably does not - neither to hurt you or to make you feel better. While it is awful from your perspective, this person is likely emotionally detached to the point where he is looking forward to the split so he may find it easier to get through the motions of everyday play-acting.

In any case, you should do the same and look forward to the final split as you will likely feel so much better without him around.

Maybe he doesn't believe it will actually happen? My ex thought it was all a bluff. Me and ex lived together for 4 months before I got a rental property, no emotion when I moved me and ds out of the house. 12 months after separation our house sale went through and ex was finally moving and it all hit him then, he wanted to try again and asked if we could get married! It was really upsetting but by then I was in my own place and I had gotten used to a different life, I'd started dating too. If he had asked me when I first moved out I'd have gone back in a flash, I was so scared of the unknown.

Honestly I am going through something similar so know the pain. Me and my DP broke up 2 weeks ago, he’s moved out but comes over to see our baby and is totally cold and unphased whereas I’m an emotional mess. Plus I initiated the split because of his behaviour so if anything I thought he’d be trying to make amends.

As others have said yes maybe he has moved on or at least is probably on dating sites thinking the world is his oyster now. Not that it will be and tbh I reckon once he actually gets his own place and realises the reality of the situation he will be in shock.

They do say women process things immediately and men put things in a box that eventually opens months later.

I’d be asking him where he’s moving to and telling him he needs to get things in order to move asap. If anything couldn’t he find a place now and just come back to stay Christmas Eve night for Christmas morning?

You are separate people, it is,not a competition, if he doesn't want to go respect that