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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left me...Mumsnet was right

97 replies

dontknowhow2feela · 12/12/2023 03:31

He left me.

I offered a break or an open relationship. He refused. This is true love. He never felt like this about me. He’s not like other men who leave their wives for trivial reasons, this is REAL!

I told him I wouldn’t wait around. He is pleased. He cares about me. He doesn’t want to hurt me. He is powerless.

He told me he had no regrets. I laughed. Of course not! It’s only been six weeks. If there are regrets, it will be later.

Our kids struggled. Helping them navigate was rough…really rough...the roughest. I had to be a strong as I’ve ever been. They think he is a selfish idiot.

Fast forward:

I met someone - it was fast but I was ready. He is amazing 🥰

I went back to uni, I’m a student again.

My life is incredible. I'm very happy.

And his life?

She left him.

I hope it was gentle.

I wish him no ill.

He is alone…

OP posts:
decemberchills · 12/12/2023 10:19

Absolutely delighted for you OP!
Hope you have a fantastic Christmas and a great 2024 Flowers

DejaVoodoo · 12/12/2023 10:22

She left him.

I hope it was gentle.

I wish him no ill.

You're a better woman than I, OP! I'd be the very picture of schadenfreude in this situation!

I hope things continue to go well for you.

NotSayingImBatman · 12/12/2023 10:40

RocketIceLollie · 12/12/2023 09:27

Just beware whilst you are now gloating that your new relationship could quickly come crashing down to the ground in a similar fashion to his new relationship. Statistically speaking, looking at average relationships these days, it's more likely than not your new relationship will too fail one day.

What an unkind thing to say. Sometimes, you should ask yourself if you would say something like that out loud to someone you were talking to face to face. If the answer is no, maybe keep the inside thoughts where they belong.

ForlTonightlGodlIslalDJ · 12/12/2023 10:43

I don't know who you are but I am happy for you.

Showmethesunny · 12/12/2023 10:47

Glad you’re happy but being alone isn’t a punishment. Also if he fell out of love with you then he’d probably rather be alone than with you. Not saying that to be mean but it’s how I feel about my ex.

IdaPolly · 12/12/2023 10:56

Glad things worked out op. Not sure what people were struggling to understand

Littlegoth · 12/12/2023 10:56

I remember your original thread. I’m glad things have worked out for you! X

GonksAreNotJustForChristmas · 12/12/2023 10:57

Showmethesunny · 12/12/2023 10:47

Glad you’re happy but being alone isn’t a punishment. Also if he fell out of love with you then he’d probably rather be alone than with you. Not saying that to be mean but it’s how I feel about my ex.

This isn't about you.

Glad you are happy OP.

Mywingshurt · 12/12/2023 11:00

Makes my day when I read that the wronged party is flourishing. It's a real cherry on top when the cheater isn't doing as well as they planned. Thanks for sharing your update.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 12/12/2023 11:09

I kind of get why you’re posting this here but if it’s a big F you to your ex well he won’t see it here…

But I guess at some point in our lives some of us feel this way and want the ex and everyone else to be happy for us. Work on your own happiness without the validation of others would be my advice.

Mary28 · 12/12/2023 11:26

I don't get why people are being mean to the OP. Some ahole left her and her kids and now someone left him. It's not that he's alone as such it's more that he was a dick, came out with rubbish about it being real and left his wife and kids for someone who then went and left him which just goes to show his maturity level and ability to tell what's real from what's a flash in the pan. The best of luck to him, lets hope he's learnt some lessons (quite late in life etc). And well done to the OP for picking up the pieces and moving forward.

Namechange666 · 12/12/2023 11:27

I see the dementors are out in full force today!

Glad you're happier op.

I do love a happy update.

TheOccupier · 12/12/2023 11:28

Thank you for coming back with an update and well done for making it to the other side. Personally I think there is plenty of value in these posts - we see threads started daily by women devastated that their DH is leaving for someone else and as you say, they are always reassured that it will eventually be for the best. It's great to see proof of that!

GladioliandSweetPeas · 12/12/2023 11:30

I'm not following a word of this....

Muddays · 12/12/2023 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ButterflyOil · 12/12/2023 11:42

Bet half the ones being dicks to the OP are also the ones who scream LTB and want an immediate cathartic ‘I left him’ update while the OP is still reeling / yell at them or blame them for their partner cheating as well. Can’t win with some people, what a load of bitter nasty sour grapes on this thread.

OP, sorry if the nasty posts have scared you off. I read your other thread and am really pleased for you.

ladybee2 · 12/12/2023 11:54

Brilliant OP.
I'm so so pleased for you.

Original poster
dontknowhow2feela · 12/12/2023 12:00

I’ve had a sleep now. Apologies for those who were frustrated by the cryptic post.

You called it willwiillsmith - I wrote it iin my journal so it’s very much dear diary. I posted it under this username to close a loop for me and because it felt very celebratory of life on the other side (and because I may have been slightly delirious from lack of sleep). It was only afterwards I realised how weird it would seem!

I’m fine with my narcissistic arse getting handed to me. Thanks for obliging mumsnet 😂😂😂 and thanks for the kind words and wishes too 😁

It was about a year and a half before it ended and yesterday I heard there’s been a couple of ‘well it’s down to her (me) what happens next’ comments made. I felt the loss of my family deeply and it destabilised things massively for one of my children so last night I was pondering would I go back there?

I guess my rambling was my version of a pros and cons list. The confusing mixed tenses were me in the moment again, reminding myself what happened and what he said.

Writing ‘he is alone’ is not a fuck you - being alone is better than being with someone you don’t want to be with (I agree Showmethesunny). I deliberately wanted to be emotive, it was me poking the bear. How do I feel about him being alone? And like you Beautyfrombad - I feel mostly indifferent but I kinda wanted it last for the same reason as you so having just found out it didn’t, I wondered where I was with it.

Our break has been gentle. We’ve managed to stay respectful throughout and he hasn’t rescinded any of the agreements we made. There’s technically still time for him to get difficult I guess, there are no signs so far. The kids are doing much better now and my life is great, so whilst I understand the schadenfreude thinking I just don’t need to dwell on it and do hope he didn’t get shat upon this time (I’m not planning to ask). You’re right FairyMc he still has some stuff to work through. Maybe he’ll give it a go now!

The writing was celebration not gloating. The wise vipers told me I’d be ok, life would get better. They told me if I did meet someone new the relationship would be a better one and I’d be with someone who appreciated me and who would match me (I am and he does). I also remember reading ‘the SEX, wow the sex, no one tells you how great it is 😂. I know I'll rock it alone if what I have now doesn’t work out. I feel no angst about it.

Listen to (some of 😉) the vipers people. They know stuff 😁 (and if I post under this username again I’ll try and make sure it doesn’t need an explanation of what the hell I’ve just written 😂😂😂)

OP posts:
wjpa · 12/12/2023 12:02

Lifeasiknowitisout · 12/12/2023 04:32

Why are you saying he is alone as though it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to someone?

Probably because he threw his family away for nothing

Butchyrestingface · 12/12/2023 12:09

Ignore the haterz, @dontknowhow2feela. Personally, I feel you went a bit overboard with the 😂 emojis but I admire your excellent use of paragraphs and spacing.

8/10.

Northernparent68 · 12/12/2023 12:16

I’m sorry but it sounded like you’re gloating, and if he left he was presumably unhappy.

User13579367337 · 12/12/2023 12:23

Northernparent68 · 12/12/2023 12:16

I’m sorry but it sounded like you’re gloating, and if he left he was presumably unhappy.

My god there’s some arseholes on here. How on earth is she gloating? She’s literally said she hopes their break up was gentle and she wishes him no ill will. If it was me I’d be laughing my tits off, posting and tagging him in ‘karma’ and ‘what goes around comes around’ memes on social media, and genuinely hoping he gets hit by a bus.

Darkandstormynite · 12/12/2023 12:25

Northernparent68 · 12/12/2023 12:16

I’m sorry but it sounded like you’re gloating, and if he left he was presumably unhappy.

Give over, she has every right to gloat.

People don't like it when those left behind rise up from the ashes. You're supposed to meekly accept someone else's need to live their best life and not gloat when they fall flat on their face. Doesn't matter how much damage they left behind.

Bollocks to that.

AmethystSparkles · 12/12/2023 12:29

“Good job I'm not planning on writing a novel based on early reviews 🤣”

Made me chuckle🤣😆

It’s a good novel - I’d read it!

Tacotortoise · 12/12/2023 12:31

Northernparent68 · 12/12/2023 12:16

I’m sorry but it sounded like you’re gloating, and if he left he was presumably unhappy.

I don't think the OP sounds as though she's gloating, I think she's acknowledging that it turned out for the best. In her situation I'd be doing the schadenfreude dance.