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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left me...Mumsnet was right

97 replies

dontknowhow2feela · 12/12/2023 03:31

He left me.

I offered a break or an open relationship. He refused. This is true love. He never felt like this about me. He’s not like other men who leave their wives for trivial reasons, this is REAL!

I told him I wouldn’t wait around. He is pleased. He cares about me. He doesn’t want to hurt me. He is powerless.

He told me he had no regrets. I laughed. Of course not! It’s only been six weeks. If there are regrets, it will be later.

Our kids struggled. Helping them navigate was rough…really rough...the roughest. I had to be a strong as I’ve ever been. They think he is a selfish idiot.

Fast forward:

I met someone - it was fast but I was ready. He is amazing 🥰

I went back to uni, I’m a student again.

My life is incredible. I'm very happy.

And his life?

She left him.

I hope it was gentle.

I wish him no ill.

He is alone…

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 12/12/2023 07:43

How can people not work out what OP was trying to say 🙄

I'm so glad karma came and bit him on the ass and his "I'm so in love, lover" fucked off.

I'm so pleased you found love and have moved on.

How long before she left him

gotomomo · 12/12/2023 07:47

I get it op, similar here. When things are looking at their darkest it's important to know that around the corner is a better life

Epidote · 12/12/2023 07:48

OP, enjoy you Christmas and forget about him.

Don't write a novel btw. Don't even think about it.

IncompleteSenten · 12/12/2023 07:50

It's genuinely sad just how often mners are right when it comes to men being arseholes.

It's not so exciting for them when the affair becomes the relationship. When she left him did he sniff round you to see if you were fool enough to take him back?

RantyAnty · 12/12/2023 07:53

Well done.
It often ends up that way for these old fools who throw away their marriages.

Glad you and your DC are thriving and happy.

Oliveandrose · 12/12/2023 08:02

Kitanai · 12/12/2023 06:11

Jesus there are some right bitches on here these days!

I’m happy for you op.

100%. As soon as anyone posts about being happy they descend like vultures.

OP, I’m glad you found happiness.

wildwestpioneer · 12/12/2023 08:09

Pad it out a bit and you'd have a great novel.

But I am pleased for you op. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason, when one door closes, that type of thing. So glad to see it's worked out for you

willWillSmithsmith · 12/12/2023 08:12

BeautyFromBad · 12/12/2023 05:56

There are some very odd responses on this thread. My exH left me for another woman after 25 years together. At first, I thought I would never be happy again.

it’s lovely to read this @dontknowhow2feela. I’m glad you have love in your life. My exH is getting married again. I’m kind of glad, otherwise destroying our marriage would have been in vain. But I’m mostly indifferent.

may your happy times continue!

I think the odd responses are because of the odd way it’s written. Apparently it’s OP’s usual writing style but it’s quite a strange one, as if all us strangers are invested in her day to day life as if she’s a character in a novel (Reader, I married him type thing).

Anyway, if it’s all real then onwards and upwards OP.

Epidote · 12/12/2023 08:46

@IncompleteSenten I think is because some of the posters in the relationship forum are people have been suffering in some extent empty relationships and the famous script. To be fair for new posters, I must say that I made most of the mistakes we advised here against. But now with the time and a cero investment in other people relationships I can see all the crap form the outside.

Some of that toxicity goes on for years and it takes time to recover but, God feel really good when you finally get your life back.

theduchessofspork · 12/12/2023 08:51

I’m glad things are going well OP

butterpuffed · 12/12/2023 08:58

Mikimoto · 12/12/2023 04:51

Exactly. Did new lover ride bare-chested on horseback across uni campus to sweep OP off feet?

Show quote history

Why the nastiness ? A different crowd to her previous thread where her writing was commented on as being eloquent and beautiful by several PPs.

As for those who are suggesting AI .. 😏

SandyWaves · 12/12/2023 08:58

Kitanai · 12/12/2023 06:11

Jesus there are some right bitches on here these days!

I’m happy for you op.

Agree

I loved reading this, OP.

Good luck and have a wonderful 2024!

Daffodilsandtuplips · 12/12/2023 09:16

I’m happy for you op. And for what it’s worth I like your concise writing style. You wrote a synopsis of your life in a few sentences that made total sense to me.
I understand why some posters do rambling posts…they want to get it all down…but sometimes less is more.

Imagwine · 12/12/2023 09:22

Isn’t it good when karma bites! He definitely did you a favour op.

Gunnersforthecup · 12/12/2023 09:23

Very glad it worked out so well for you, OP.

Your opening post would make a really great, Fleetwood Mac style song, by the way.

RocketIceLollie · 12/12/2023 09:27

Just beware whilst you are now gloating that your new relationship could quickly come crashing down to the ground in a similar fashion to his new relationship. Statistically speaking, looking at average relationships these days, it's more likely than not your new relationship will too fail one day.

Indiseven · 12/12/2023 09:29

Ignore the mean comments OP, totally unjustified. I liked your writing style and didn’t need any background as it was obvious what had gone on. Well done for coping with everything so well and finding the strength to push through. I’m really pleased for you and your children; your story is an uplifting one.

FairyMaclary · 12/12/2023 09:39

I remember your thread last year. I am glad you are doing well.

To those saying her relationship may end. It may, she will be very aware if that. But she can enjoy what she has today. That’s all anyone can do.

Affairs are not real. ILYBINILWY often just shows the cheater is expecting hearts, flowers and Romeo and Juliet relationships (and look how that turned out). Love is far more than that.

The grass was only greener because he hadn’t been anywhere near it to mess it up. Without working out the character flaws he had (and to cheat he had character flaws), he waltzed into a new relationship and did no work on himself. Not an attractive proposition in a partner.

Glad you are okay op and hope your children are too.

WorkIsGettingtoMe · 12/12/2023 09:53

Just beware whilst you are now gloating that your new relationship could quickly come crashing down to the ground in a similar fashion to his new relationship. Statistically speaking, looking at average relationships these days, it's more likely than not your new relationship will too fail one day.

Is that you Ebeneza?

WorkIsGettingtoMe · 12/12/2023 09:54

OP, you have been thru the mill. He took a wrecking ball to your life and you survived.

All you need to do WRT him is to make sure your DC are alright. Don't engage with him over anything. By even finding out what he is doing, you are wasting time spent on other stuff.

You have offloaded him. He's gone. He is another persons problems whoever that is.

SOBplus · 12/12/2023 09:56

BeautyFromBad · 12/12/2023 05:56

There are some very odd responses on this thread. My exH left me for another woman after 25 years together. At first, I thought I would never be happy again.

it’s lovely to read this @dontknowhow2feela. I’m glad you have love in your life. My exH is getting married again. I’m kind of glad, otherwise destroying our marriage would have been in vain. But I’m mostly indifferent.

may your happy times continue!

I agree, its lovely to get an update and its wonderful it has a happy result. Why be snarky, take the win, she says MN is right, congratulate her or just move on, no need to be negative.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 12/12/2023 09:57

Karma is wonderful.

All the best OP!

WhyMeWhyNowWhyNot · 12/12/2023 09:58

Enough with the bloody AI accusations 🤬.

Congratulations OP, so glad it worked out for you 🥰

Ofcourseshecan · 12/12/2023 10:11

RocketIceLollie · 12/12/2023 09:27

Just beware whilst you are now gloating that your new relationship could quickly come crashing down to the ground in a similar fashion to his new relationship. Statistically speaking, looking at average relationships these days, it's more likely than not your new relationship will too fail one day.

“Gloating”??? OP isn’t, but you seem to be gloating yourself in the hope that it all goes wrong for OP. Why not step back and stop trying to put people down?

Anniegetyourgun · 12/12/2023 10:16

I don't think OP was gloating about him being alone. Just marvelling at how fate comes round. She was alone because he ran off with someone else (definitely not a cliché, no, not him, this was The Real Thing). Now she's not alone and he is. Yes, there are worse things than not being coupled up; staying with the stupid bugger is one of them. What a good thing he didn't accept the break offer.

He's worse than merely single, too, because he chucked away the opportunity to live with his children. He may continue to see them, but will have lost a fair chunk of their trust and admiration, which is priceless. So OP is right to be a little bit sorry for the silly man. Everyone makes mistakes, and he made a doozy.

p.s. I like her writing style. There's a reason why novelists and AI use styles like that: they're effective.

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