Partner's personal hygiene

[Summerbreeze76]

I'd like my partner to make more effort with his grooming and personal hygiene. He never uses moisturiser, doesn't wear aftershave or even floss his teeth. The worst thing though is that he doesn't wash under his foreskin.
We did discuss this once and he told me that it is tight and uncomfortable to pull back. I suggested he went to the doctor's but he said "it's fine, I'm too old to bother doing anything about it now".
He takes offence very easily and gets very stroppy if he thinks I'm criticizing him, so I haven't brought it up again, but our sex life is almost non-existent these days, and this is a contributing factor. I feel he can't be bothered to make an effort for me, and tbh I don't really fancy him due to this.
How can I approach again (he doesn't take hints)?

Bring it up again...and again...and again. If he gets stroppy then that's another issue that needs to be addressed.

I have absolutely no idea if my DH washes under his foreskin, it’s not something we discuss.

I can't help with the tight foreskin, but may be able to help with the flossing. If he doesn't like flossing with string, buy him a Waterpik - it is a flosser that uses a small powerful jet of water to clean your gaps and crevices, and is so quick and easy to use. NB: I wouldn't recommend using it on foreskins... 😁 Hope that helps!

Just break up with your boyfriend - the lack of personal hygiene is gross, as well as his stoppy behaviour when you bring up something this important, and he won't change

How long have you been together? Wearing aftershave and using moisturiser isn't a big deal but washing properly is.

I imagine he does or you'd know about it.

How is not moisturising or wearing aftershave lack of personal hygiene?

I have literally never discussed washing of foreskins. I’d find it incredibly intrusive if DH quizzed me on whether I wash inside my vagina.

We've been together 20 years! The dirty willy has always been an issue for me, but I put up with it! It wasn't until our little boy reached the age where he was showering by himself and I suggested partner showed him how to clean himself properly, that he told me his own foreskin is difficult to pull back. He refused to get it looked at and basically told me to back off.

You'd know if he didn't

Yuk. Cheesy dick. And you waited 20 years to say anything? OMFG.

that he told me his own foreskin is difficult to pull back
I take it that you were intimate before he told you this, did you not realise then ?

The moisturiser thing...if it's causing flaky skin, I understand why that's off-putting. As well as the other thing, obviously!

After 20 years, I'd have thought a direct convo is the only way.

Does he have infections?

I'm surprised he hasn't developed an infection by now.
If I didn't fancy my partner anymore because of poor hygiene and they didn't want to change that then I'd leave.

Most perfumes smell rank, and moisturiser is a ridiculous thing to get hung up on. But not washing his penis properly is disgusting and should have been a deal breaker ages ago. Throw him back OP.

Omg, just seen you've been together 20years. Why do you value yourself so little?

I’d be super blunt with him. “No I don’t want to have sex tonight because your penis isn’t clean.” Look straight in eyes. Deadpan voice. Neutral expression. Any sulking should be ignored.

Rinse and repeat.

Yes, as above. Make it clear that you rarely have sex because his penis isn't clean (and smells etc.). Don't be mean about it, just blunt.
A friend was telling me the other day they had this problem as a young teen and they basically had to hold it back for an increasing amount of time and kind of massage it so he might not need a procedure. I'm surprised he hasn't seen anyone about it before. But basically if he can be bothered then he can do something about it and clean under there

My dh doesn’t do any of those things (well apart from the foreskin. Never asked him tbh)
Moisturising your skin, using aftershave etc… isn’t part of ‘basic hygiene’ imo.

Bit odd after 20 years that you only know his foreskin is too tight because he's told you. It's as if you've never played with it and don't know it inside out 🤔. That is one weird knowledge gap. Can't imagine your love life ever having been that great if that's the case.

This! Maybe I need to ask my husband haha

Also is moisturising really that necessary? My husband has never moisturised in his life!!! He showers every day too and brushes his teeth. I don’t really know what more I’d expect.

My Google results and suggestions on Amazon etc are now going to be bizarre after googling if you need to wash under your foreskin. Honestly never gave it any thought. A new random question to ask my boyfriend tonight…

as for the moisturiser, aftershave and flossing I think you are being overly fussy @Summerbreeze76 I’m guessing he brushes his teeth and has regular dental visits? Yes using a dental stick is even better (my dentist doesn’t recommend flossing) but brushing teeth is better than nothing.

if he can’t retract his foreskin he’ll have to find a way to ensure it’s cleaned still. Have you told him that this puts you off sex?

It is or he'll look like Keith Richards when he's 60.

Think shed loads of drugs contributed to his craggy look not lack of Nivea!

He's probably got phimosis or Balanitis or both. Probably worth getting his blood sugar checked for diabetes etc as a tight and sore foreskin is often a sign of to much sugar leading to a yeast infection . Canesten antifungal cream can help along with stretching exercises and gentle soaps like 'Simple'. If he's had the problem for a number of years he may need a partial or full circumcision. Personally I can't understand how any man can expect any sort of intimacy without being fresh & clean.