Why do we just accept the gap in gender equality when separating?

[overripemelon]

Ex that barely sees his children. Can’t force him to. He manages a few weeks a year, on his terms when it suits him. Takes on zero of the mental load or upbringing responsibilities.

Why is it still seen as acceptable by society for a male to behave this way but if I walked out people would be absolutely aghast? Men are excused just for being a man.

How is it in 2023 this massive gap still exists? Do you think it will ever improve?

We have all heard of the occasions were the father "desperately" wants more/50-50/majority custody of the children to financially penalise his ex wife, but when the children are with him, homework isn't done, children don't get taken to their clubs etc because he can't be bothered, teeth aren't brushed, food is not healthy, discipline goes out the window, etc, because all of that takes effort and commitment and self-sacrifice which many men have just never thought they should have to do.

And then the mother is the one judged for the consequences of the father's poor parenting.

Oh yes, this. Definitely. I know a few women from my DC's school who have this version - they get the kids back late Sunday night, homework hasn't been done, they haven't bathed/showered/washed hair, uniform they went to their dad's in on Friday has not been washed etc.

I once had to comfort my hairdresser as her ex had dropped her DD back that morning with serious nappy rash. Why? Because apparently she did not send enough nappies and he didn't see why he should buy any....

@perfectcolourfound

All very true and it's so unfair.

The use of the term 'single dad' is rising though, because many men have started to use it because they are both single and a dad, even though they might only see the kids on the weekend 🙄

From SaulGoodmanLegal.com

‘If the father can demonstrate that he has a stable home environment, is able to provide for the child’s needs, and has a strong bond with the child, then he may have a good chance of being granted shared custody.’

From LionelHutzunsolicitedadvice.com

’If the mother can demonstrate she is not addicted to meth, won’t make baby sleep in a basket with her alcoholic boyfriend’s Rottweiler and doesn’t earn her crust making scat vids on Only Fans then there is a very good chance she will get majority custody’

@WaddyDarbucks My ex-husband finally got majority custody after years of (enforced) 50/50; he literally railroaded our children into asking for this.
Ex is an abusive narcissistic who used our children to further punish me for leaving. Indeed, when I initially told him I was desperately unhappy within the marriage his words were: You dare me and you will lose everything, bitch."
Once he "won" the court case he stopped bothering with the kids.
Whilst I wholeheartedly support the notion of a 50/50 starting point IF both parents have the best interests of the children at heart, I do not agree with an abuser, regardless of gender, being afforded the right by the courts to further control and abuse.

As a mother of a son I would be horrified if he tried to get out of his parenting duties, either within a relationship, or if the relationship failed. And would let him know how I felt and I’m sure DH would be the same.

Anyone wanting to be a parent must try and ensure the person they are procreating with is someone who has a reasonably high bar when it comes to parenting. If they are shit don’t have a child with them, whether you are male or female.

Men should be calling out their mates who are showing themselves to be crap dads, whether it’s refusing to pay CMS or disappearing on a golfing holiday days after their partner has given birth.

Ex sounds like a nasty piece of work, sorry to hear your experience has been so rough.

You got flamed because it just mostly isn't true. Often the self proclaimed "Nice Guys" are the worst. There are women who make bad choice after bad choice and like bad boys but this isn't the majority.

Ah frippenos, I guess you're a "nice guy" then? 😆
(It's certainly the "nice guy" MO to be slagging off women who don't pick them. Demonstrating their "niceness" to a T 👌).

Ha ha ha ha ha fucking hilarious

Stop spreading bullshit on serious threads and mocking people with serious issues.

Pretty tragic when you have to post complete fiction to back up the bollocks you spread.

So your response to a point being made is not to argue the point but the person making the point.

It just means that you have no counter argument.

I didn't say that it was the majority. But I do agree that the "self proclaimed nice guys are the worst" but then genuine nice guys don't proclaim that they are nice.

If we want change to happen then it must come from society as a whole.
It would mean changing the way that boys and girls are brought up.
Change the direction that films, songs and literature all go in.
and change the attitude of the kids go with the woman, from both men and women.

I cordially invite you to subscribe to my blog

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon As a mother who only very painfully and without any justification only gets to see her two precious children EOW I agree. This abuse needs to stop. Full stop.

Oooh yeah because a bit of amateur fiction is what I need in my life 🙄

Seriously bugger off with your made up shite

Actually post a link so it can be thoroughly debunked and no one here can be mislead by it

Until quite recently women got the children and the house and maintenance on divorce and men got the bedsit.

It's not often like that now.

@Achildbelongstoitsmother Define "quite recently." I'm not sure that's quite right.

Hmm how many women actually want 50/50? I have my kids full time as ex is not interested and I've lost count how many women tell me in lucky my ex doesn't bother and they wish theirs wouldn't it almost seems expected and hoped for that men will walk away when they split with their partner so the woman doesn't have to "share" the children

@AmazingDayz If my hubby and I were ever to separate we'd go 50/50. My belief is that a good dad is just as important as a good mum and he's a bloody great, very hands-on dad. I also know he would also always work with me in putting our daughter first, no hesitation.
My ex-husband on the other hand is an abusive narcissistic who is a nasty piece of work, using our kids as weapons. Courts enforced 50/50 from the ages of 3 and 6 until the boys were 12 and 14 and then it went majority custody in his favour (because he'd bullied the boys into saying this is what needed to happen). He couldn't give two shinies about our sons but "won" at punishing me for daring to leave him.

That’s not the reason most women give though, whenever I see women complaining about 50/50 it is because they don’t want to be apart from their children and they “didn’t have children to only see them half the week” well I didn’t have children to parent them alone hence not using a donor!

@AmazingDayz That's a rather selfish/sexist viewpoint if a mother thinks those things; I'm sure any decent dad "didn't have children to only see them half the week" or want to be apart from their children, either. Why should the mum be the "default" parent? with whom the children spend the majority of their time?
Trust me when I say I know how painful it is to be without your kids - I've been doing it for days on end since they were very small, but I shouldn't just get some sort of "upper hand" based on my gender alone.

Most women I know definitely don't want 50/50 but we do/did want the dads to have the kids some of the time.
My ex used to take the kids most weekends which was perfect for me. Now he doesn't take them at all.

The only time I've ever heard of a mother saying she wished the dad wouldn't take them was when the child/children would come back upset for various reasons due to the dad but she was forced to send the kids due to the court agreement.

Really, do you ever read the boards on here? Many women saying how they can’t bare to be separated from their kids and spend the weekends in bed crying. Honestly can’t relate to that at all but I see it a lot hence being told I’m “lucky” I get to be with mine every day. Truth is I think most women don’t want their exes involved from what I’ve seen, usually because they are lonely and bored and have nothing to do when their kids aren’t with them. It’s not just on here but fb too many woman stating how sad lonely and bored they are when their kids aren’t with them because their lives revolve around their children.

@AmazingDayz

I've seen a few on here alright, but in real life HELL NO, mothers want a break