I need to end it, but I don't want to

[casuallysad]

I've been in a situationship with a lovely man for the past 3-4 months. We started out casual and were both dating other people, but recently we both stopped seeing anyone else - not because we decided to be exclusive, but just because it worked out that way. We are still casual.

The problem is that I've caught feelings. He is gorgeous, funny, very kind. I trust him and feel safe with him. He's considerate, likes to talk and communicate. We have absolutely mindblowing sex - like, beyond amazing. So I suppose it's no surprise that I've started to feel like I want more from him.

But I know that I don't really want more. He's younger than me and we are at different stages in our lives. He wants a wife and kids. I'm menopausal. That's not the only difference between us, but it's the main one. There are also things I don't like about him. He spent two hours one evening monologuing at me about his hobby (I nearly died of boredom) and he can be pedantic at times. He usually has to be right (although he never gaslights or speaks unkindly. He just thinks he's right about basically everything.) So he definitely has faults that annoy me. Also we live about two hours away from one another and I don't want an LTR.

I know he likes and cares about me, but I think if he said he wanted a relationship with me (he doesn't), I'd probably say no. But for whatever reason, I feel so much for him and it's getting to the point now that I feel so sad when I know I won't see him for a while, and I get upset if he doesn't text for a day or so, even though I will often take a couple of days to message him.

I feel like I have to end things because I'm undoubtedly going to get very hurt and there is literally no future for us, unless I'm happy to carry on in this way until it fizzles out. I would miss the sex, which is honestly the best I've ever had, and I doubt it will ever be this good with anyone again. And I would miss his tenderness and his funny, unique way of looking at the world.

Someone talk some sense into me, please! How do I walk away when it's so good between us?

I'm not being abusive towards anyone. I'm just not accepting people coming onto my thread just to be nasty and have a go at me. I'm sad, I struggled with this, and I'm proud that I did it even though it was hard. I posted for support, not for a kicking from people like you who apparently have no compassion, empathy, or life experience to share.

How is this carping about OP’s supposed tone helpful? How do these accusations that she did the break up wrong “talk some sense into her?” They are too far after the fact to have and utility and are basically beating a dead horse. Why shouldn’t she respond in kind with a critique of the tone of these posters?

The basic issue is that OP was troubled by some aspects of her situationship, decided to end it, did end it, and now some posters are uselessly but vigorously commenting on her style in a negative way. How is that useful? Why does OP have to take this whining and carping as helpful?

The insistence that she accept insulting commentary as good medicine is just weird. The same posters who will not accept any action other than blocking the ex are insisting on their right to continue to criticize OP for the supposed sin of having wanted more from her breakup. If anyone is having trouble recognizing when a relationship has run its course it is these posters. I recommend OP treat these critical posters like an agressively clingy ex. They won’t take OP’s choices for herself as final. But OP you can just block and ignore. There’s no value to these negative comments. They are designed to hurt you not help you.

In my experience with dating/situationships, people don't tend to talk over the phone very much anymore, no. Video calls sometimes. Even with close friends and family, it's becoming more common to just message or voice note.

With this guy, we only ever messaged, so I guess it would have felt weird to call him for this. It didn't even occur to me, to be honest.

I recommend OP treat these critical posters like an agressively clingy ex. They won’t take OP’s choices for herself as final. But OP you can just block and ignore. There’s no value to these negative comments. They are designed to hurt you not help you.

Thank you @pikkumyy77 You are so right. I should just ignore them. It's frustrating when people are so stupid and unkind, but I should remind myself that it's way worse for them, because they have to live with themselves 24/7.

Again, thank you for your support.

So sorry that you find yourself in such an emotional dilemma. I think the thing that stood out the most was the fact that you said he wants a wife and children, and you're menopausal. Your heart is telling you to prolong this exciting liaison, yet your head is telling you that it has to end eventually, so it might as well be now before your feelings get any deeper. It's clear that the quality sex is a huge factor in your relationship and something that you both are mainly in this relationship for. Do you have a supportive family and friends who can help distract you a bit whilst you detach from him? I'm so sorry, but I think this is a relationship that will be on and off for a long time, but will eventually end in him going off to find someone that he can make a life with - and you'll be even more devastated than if you end it now.

I already ended it, @auburnglow788 Thread has been updated.

Thanks though, for your comment. I think it probably could have gone on for a long time, but it needed to end, and now it has. And while it was hard to do, and I'm sad about it, I'm honestly also proud that I chose to prioritise my own mental and emotional wellbeing. I feel like ultimately this was a very positive experience - both the relationship itself, because of what I learned from it, and also going through the difficult process of ending it.