"Would it be bad if I laugh?" - Am I overreacting?

[Sera1989]

If you had a conversation like the below, how would you feel? I am seriously questioning things. DBF is quite stressed with work but I don't feel that excuses this kind of attitude, but maybe I'm being too sensitive?

I play an instrument, I really enjoy it (and I'm decent) but I'm shy about performing, bf knows this. He has never heard me play because I'm too shy to do it in front of him. I am due to do a small group performance in front of the public soon which is a big deal for the musicians, and partners or friends usually come to watch.
I asked if he was going to come, at first he said no because he'd rather work, then said he'd maybe come but asked if it's a problem if he laughs at us. As it's a serious performance I said yes that really wouldn't be nice. He asked what face I make when I play and he did some silly impressions. He then said maybe he'd come but asked if it's bad if he just doesn't want to.

I just don't feel like giving up 20 minutes to see your partner perform something they love is really a big deal in a warm, caring relationship. I want to support and cheer my friends/family/partners on when they do something that requires effort and/or talent. I feel like this is really telling of his general attitude and has given me a peek "below the surface" into what's in store for the future

Give him a break, he will behave properly.

Chuck him back @Sera1989

He's proposed doing a really shitty thing and asked you to confirm if it's bad or not.

He's telling you "this is who I am, are you going to put up with it?"

The answer is a resounding no.

"Is it really bad if I laugh at you and your groups performance?"

"Yes, it is. I'm surprised you had to ask. Let's leave it there, I don't want any more involvement with you."

Job done.

Sorry he's such prick. But honestly, he's laying it on the line. Don't accept it.

This guy is not good enough for you.

He's not supportive or caring, just a wanker. Leave him and move on.

Hope your performance goes well

At best, he's an immature idiot.

But it's worse than that. He knows you have some anxiety around this, and yet he's telling you he might want to laugh at you.

A good partner wants to support you and cheer you on. He's not a good one.

@user1471505356 "Give him a break, he will behave properly"

1. Why?
2. How do you know?

He sounds like a dickhead.

NEXT!

The only people I've ever encountered like that were the ones who wanted to make sure their partners gave up music, because they didn't want them developing some self esteem and confidence from the praise and applause. Side order of 'and I don't want them spending any time around members of the opposite sex'.

The other version is where they begrudgingly come but then rip the performance to pieces and/or complain about how embarrassing it is/how ridiculous a person of your age/appearance/ability is standing up on stage and doing this/everybody's laughing at you.

It's a variation upon the theme of coercive control and abuse, to make you feel so insecure about yourself and your abilities that you give it up (and probably to get back to the kitchen).

I've had it. An ex who would critique my performance when the last time he'd played a musical instrument was banging on a saucepan with a wooden spoon on the kitchen floor whilst his Mum got his rusks and milk ready. I've heard another that had been glowering from the back at his partner then complain about how humiliating it was for him to see her up there 'making a fool of herself' (thankfully, he decided to do the 'it's music or me' shit and she took the obvious answer)

You're a musician with every right to be up on that stage enjoying your time literally in the spotlight. He however, is a negging prick who won't let any opportunity to knock you down go unused.

I hope you absolutely enjoy your time with our group regardless.

He sounds like an utter pillock to be honest. I feel put off and I don't even know him.😐

If the instrument in question is a swanee whistle, then I’m sorry because I would laugh too, but I think they’re supposed to be comical. Otherwise, he is just a twat.

Im shocked he's nt inhis late teens, why are you with him? has he got a single redeeming feature, or it is all about belittling and mocking you?

This is the sort of thing my son and his friends might have said when they were 12 years old. They'd have done the silly faces as well. You really don't need to ask Mumsnet if you should dump him do you.