Hi MN users
Im a 39 year old single mom to 2 kids age 12 and 14. Both kids were little when their dad and I split up. I’ve only dated once since the split 7 years ago.
i started seeing a guy 3.5 years ago. We dated almost 18 months but it was rocky. I really fell in love with him because he has great qualities and was of course amazing the first 6 months.
He’s got couple kids too although grown as he’s older than me. Let’s just say him and my kids didn’t get along and he had little patience. It got to the stage I’d spend time with him just him and me because he didn’t want to be around them and said he needed quality time alone with me. So we didn’t get much time as when you’ve got your kids 85% of the time and working, it’s hard. And he would always get mad at me about my parenting style and dictate how I should parent. He’s been divorced a long time and quite likes things his way from living on his own so long. We were having insufficient time together and he was becoming increasingly agitated, withdrawing from me, hardly affectionate, snapping at everything. He said it was hard because of my kids. Anyway I got offered a better job in another town far away so I moved because I didn’t see things working as he indicated as long as I had kids in the mix, he’s going to struggle. When I left he was very upset, didn’t want me gone.
ive now been gone just on 2 years, made some friends, job going good. My kids miss their friends in previous town but they’re ok.
The guy has kept in contact with me the whole time I’ve been gone and always wanted me to come back and offered assistance to get me back. I guess most men would’ve washed the hands of me when I left town, so it does seem like loyalty on his side. My kids are older and more independent, but they are still my children and come first. They would be happy to move back to where we were, but not that keen for me to date the guy again because they know that he doesn’t have much interest in them and ends up hurting me emotionally. When he gets in his moods he can get quite nasty verbally, but will put it on me because of the dynamics.
He wants me to make a decision within a month otherwise he said it’s come to a point where we will no longer be in communications. He has visited me once since I’ve been gone. Admittedly, I do still have feelings for him, but I’m worried that if I move back I will end up in square one in caught in the middle between him and the my children, Having the same fights, because we don’t spend enough time together, feeling pressure from him to parent differently I’m basically exhausting myself, trying to be a girlfriend and a mother and hold down a job. The problem is I have feelings for him still and one day the kids will grow up and I will have an empty home.
Just to clarify, I never lived with him, and if I moved back, I’d be in my own place so there would be no and a amosite and my children. I’m just not sure what to do.