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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help ,am I being paranoid

56 replies

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 11:42

Sorry if this is in the wrong section as I'm new to this .
So got a bit of a thing going off and just need some unbiased advice.
I met a guy in ticktok (tacky I know) spoke to him and he told me he lives in leeds (40 minute drive from where I live in Nottingham) after a few days we arranged to meet,he drove down and we spent a few hours in town before driving somewhere quite and having sex in his car , during this time he slipped up and told me he's actually from Liverpool .
Anyway he went back the same evening and that was about a week ago,this is where I don't know if I'm being paranoid or if there is someone else.
So he video calls me almost every day but it's the exact same time ( late evening) on his way back from work ,he only calls me when he's going or coming back from work,not once when he's been home.
He says he works 2 jobs as a career and has no time hence why he can only talk to me at night in his car ,he does send me the off msg on social media,but most of the time it's a phone call or video msg on his way back from work and almost always his phone goes dead and he's saying it's the connection that's bad .
He tells me he wants to see me but don't know when as he's always working .

He said he's not on Facebook only Instagram and ticktok so I managed to set him up an account so I can put my relationship status up with him but now he's locked it down to everybody but me ,he's also told someone I know over one of his vid calls that he works in a warehouse and even told him the company name,we googled it and it is a warehouse in Liverpool but told me he was a career ...on these video calls he's always got a hoodie on so IV never seen his uniform,it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,he tells me everything I want to know and it makes me feel great ,just have this niggling feeling as iv always been terrible at picking out men

Am I being taken for a fool or is it just my paranoia?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 04/12/2023 11:43

Sorry if this is in the wrong section as I'm new to reddit .

😂

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 11:43

I am so sleep deprived I'm sorry 😂

OP posts:
PlainWoman · 04/12/2023 13:51

Yes you are being taken for a fool.
Please don't have car sex, you could both get in legal trouble.

MMmomDD · 04/12/2023 17:31

@Tunagirl

Two week?
You are not being paranoid - you are being extremely stupid, or naive? How old are you, btw?

Put your relationship status up? After car sex
on first meet-up??? This is NOT a relationship. You hooked up with a random guy who is most likely attached to some lucky 😳 other woman.
He is using your lack of sense to milk it - and telling you what he thinks you want to hear…

Probably that you are special; and beautiful; and he’s never felt this way about anyone before; and that he is dreaming of future….

Give your head a shake. Be more paranoid if necessary. Block the idiot.

BetsyBobbins · 04/12/2023 17:34

Nah, this is a wind up and I'm calling it now

category12 · 04/12/2023 17:34

it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,

Hmm.

You're being very silly.

percyfection · 04/12/2023 17:35

Either a wind up or a vulnerable person!

pictoosh · 04/12/2023 17:37

For real? If so, I didn't know that 'humped in the car' was an available relationship status. And you love him do you? Gosh.

BetsyBobbins · 04/12/2023 17:43

percyfection · 04/12/2023 17:35

Either a wind up or a vulnerable person!

Wind up for sure, it's so ridiculous it just can't be real

Whattodo112222 · 04/12/2023 17:45

This is so juvenile. Can you both not just grow up?

Tomelette · 04/12/2023 17:52

Whaaaaaattttt???

CharlotteRose90 · 04/12/2023 17:54

After 2 weeks you aren’t in a relationship. He clearly is hiding something and wants just sex.

itsmyp4rty · 04/12/2023 18:04

You've told each other you love each other after a few calls from the car and a quick shag in the back of it??

Do you have any concept of what love is? I really think you need some counselling as you sound very vulnerable.

MagpiePi · 04/12/2023 18:13

Slightly off topic, but you really believed that you can drive from Nottingham to Leeds in 40 minutes?

Spendysis · 04/12/2023 18:18

How old are you?
you aren’t in a relationship but it sounds like he is with someone else

Atethehalloweenchocs · 04/12/2023 18:30

He's married. Or in a serious relationship. You know he has lied to you - time to escape before it gets more complicated.

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:02

Easier said then done, no man seems to want me just put me down,he's shown interest in me. Yes he's lied about where he lives but I'm 33 ,no children, nothing I just want to be wanted

OP posts:
Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:04

I feel like he can give me what I need . Love attention and a future I'm terrified of being alone

OP posts:
Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:04

Thank you to everyone who's replayed

OP posts:
Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:07

I have been with more men sexually then I want to admit ,I'd say over 100 I'm a nice person I really am but I'm so lonely . I'm a good person I may come off as some "easy lay" and stupid but I'm not I just want to be wanted

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 04/12/2023 21:19

Oh @Tunagirl

Where do I start.
You want to be genuinely wanted. To start:

You cannot love someone after 2 weeks. You just can’t.

If you are terrified of being alone, your insecurity is making all the decisions, and you cannot make good decisions from a position of insecurity.

There are exceptions, but generally if you don’t value yourself, and you sleep with someone right away, you will attract people who will use you. Yes there are exceptions but in OP’s case, she is acting out of desperation.

I’m sure ‘love at first sight’ exists , but in most cases you can’t cut corners in relationships. You can’t be in love just because you say ‘I love you’.

OP, work on yourself and learn to make good relationship decisions. Often very bad things happen when you do things for the wrong reasons. Fast forward a year- you’re entrenched with this man, who probably IS married. Out of even more desperation, you decide to get pregnant. You are not on a good path, OP.

Your post has made me sad. You deserve genuine love and respect; I know this because everyone deserves those things.

StrawberryWater · 04/12/2023 21:26

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:04

I feel like he can give me what I need . Love attention and a future I'm terrified of being alone

You're basing that one what? A bit of nooky in a Ford Cortina (or whatever)!

You know NOTHING about this man. He's a stranger you hooked up with. He could be anyone. You're putting yourself in extreme risk.

Blimey. I think you need to look at yourself before you even consider having sex with anyone again.

category12 · 04/12/2023 21:35

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:07

I have been with more men sexually then I want to admit ,I'd say over 100 I'm a nice person I really am but I'm so lonely . I'm a good person I may come off as some "easy lay" and stupid but I'm not I just want to be wanted

Maybe you've had sex as a substitute for affection/love or way of getting men's approval/attention?

You don't know this guy after a fortnight, let alone love him, and it sounds like he's with someone already from his behaviour. You know he's already lied. You wouldn't be posting asking if you're being taken for a fool if you genuinely believed he can give you "what you need".

What you really need to do is look at ways of building yourself up and liking & valuing yourself a bit more. You've a history of picking wrong uns and this is another one for that list.

Watchkeys · 04/12/2023 21:39

Find someone who doesn't make you wonder if you're being paranoid.

Better still, learn to be alone, and then you'll not be scared to walk away from everything that makes you feel bad.

If he can offer you everything you need, you wouldn't be feeling paranoid, unless paranoia is something you need. Apply logic.

NosamLDN · 04/12/2023 21:52

Tik tok? I left reddit for the teenage posts.
Why the hell are you putting a Facebook relationship because of someone you met only ones ?

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