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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help ,am I being paranoid

56 replies

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 11:42

Sorry if this is in the wrong section as I'm new to this .
So got a bit of a thing going off and just need some unbiased advice.
I met a guy in ticktok (tacky I know) spoke to him and he told me he lives in leeds (40 minute drive from where I live in Nottingham) after a few days we arranged to meet,he drove down and we spent a few hours in town before driving somewhere quite and having sex in his car , during this time he slipped up and told me he's actually from Liverpool .
Anyway he went back the same evening and that was about a week ago,this is where I don't know if I'm being paranoid or if there is someone else.
So he video calls me almost every day but it's the exact same time ( late evening) on his way back from work ,he only calls me when he's going or coming back from work,not once when he's been home.
He says he works 2 jobs as a career and has no time hence why he can only talk to me at night in his car ,he does send me the off msg on social media,but most of the time it's a phone call or video msg on his way back from work and almost always his phone goes dead and he's saying it's the connection that's bad .
He tells me he wants to see me but don't know when as he's always working .

He said he's not on Facebook only Instagram and ticktok so I managed to set him up an account so I can put my relationship status up with him but now he's locked it down to everybody but me ,he's also told someone I know over one of his vid calls that he works in a warehouse and even told him the company name,we googled it and it is a warehouse in Liverpool but told me he was a career ...on these video calls he's always got a hoodie on so IV never seen his uniform,it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,he tells me everything I want to know and it makes me feel great ,just have this niggling feeling as iv always been terrible at picking out men

Am I being taken for a fool or is it just my paranoia?

OP posts:

JoanThursday1972 · 05/12/2023 12:11

MagpiePi · 04/12/2023 18:13

Slightly off topic, but you really believed that you can drive from Nottingham to Leeds in 40 minutes?

How can you confuse a Scouse accent with one from Leeds?

Watchkeys · 05/12/2023 15:14

no man seems to want me just put me down,he's shown interest in me. Yes he's lied about where he lives but I'm 33 ,no children, nothing I just want to be wanted

Genuine question, @Tunagirl : Do you genuinely believe that, if a compatible partner isn't out there for you, you would be happy to settle with someone with whom you feel paraniod?

Andr0meda · 06/12/2023 21:36

Tunagirl · 04/12/2023 21:07

I have been with more men sexually then I want to admit ,I'd say over 100 I'm a nice person I really am but I'm so lonely . I'm a good person I may come off as some "easy lay" and stupid but I'm not I just want to be wanted

Something is off here. 100 sexual partners and you are 33, you think facebook relationship status is significant, you do not have good concept of distances, you think you are loved and love someone after a week. Something is fishy, Tuna-girl (pun intended).

Blubbled · 07/12/2023 16:36

perfectcolourfound · 05/12/2023 11:48

Please please please forget about this man.

You don't love him. You can't love someone you don't know. And the little you know about him is that he's lied to you, and he's told you he's too busy to see you. You can't love him at this stage, and if you feel that you do, you really need to work on understanding yourself better, because that isn't healthy.

You know he's lied to you. Lied about where he lives. Likely lied about his job. Possibly lied about his relationship status. Whatever his 'reason' for lying, it isn't good. Healthy relationships don't involve any amount of lying. And then there's the WHY he's lying. Probably he's married or in a LTR. Possibly he knows he doesn't want any commitment with you so is telling you as little about himself as possible. Possible he's a habitual liar. Whatever the 'reason' it isn't good.

Your approach to SM seems a bit unusual. It's fine not to 'do' SM. Why would you set up someone on SM who doesn't want to be on SM? And just because you want him to advertise his relationship status? If I were him, I'd be really put off by the fact that a) you're trying to force him to use SM, and b) you're advertising yours and his relationship, and c) doing it when it's so early, you don't even know each other yet.

Please don't ever have sex in a car. Sex in a car will very rarely be a pre-cursor to a good relationship.

I understand that you'd like to be in a relationship, but please understand that it is 1000 times better being single than being with the wrong person. Relationships are only any good when they are with a decent, honest person, who values you and wants to be with you, wants the very best for you (and vice versa). That sort of r'shop is worth waiting for. If you pursue something with this man you will end up wasting precious time, and feeling even less self confident.

Please work on other areas of life before you THINK about dating. Build up some friendships, some RL support, think about what's important to you in life, what do you want from a partner? What will you not accept?

Please don't ever think that having 'a man' is the answer to anything at all.

This OP!
You do sound so vulnerable and his sort can tell, like sharks can smell blood in the water from miles away! Please see your GP and ask to be referred to counselling and meanwhile, look up to see if you can get free sessions over the internet. I'm not in the UK but there is a free internet counselling service in my country, so I should there is in the UK too!
It's so hard when you've no friends or close family to give you support and companionship; it leaves you like wounded prey out in the open fro predators like that creep to feed on! Ask your GP what might be available in terms of groups you could joing, maybe volunteer to help in a charity like a food bank? You've no children and you're young OP! Start working on yourself and building a meaningful life, and friends will come, then , when you have a healthy sense of your own worth, you'll find GENUINE love with a man who's honest and FREE to form a relationship with you! I bet my life that creep is not free, and is either married or living with a woman! He might well have children too! Don't be anyone's bit on the side! Know you have far more worth than that!

TheSnakeCharmer · 04/02/2024 22:53

No, nothing rings any alarm bells here. I don't think that you're being paranoid. Has he met your family yet and have you started to think about your future together? I think that perhaps you're in that part of your relationship when you should. I'd be wanting a ring on my finger within a few weeks.

Balancedcitizen101 · 28/12/2024 16:12

I would probably call it off with this man and would echo some of the comments made by others who are suspicious of him as well.

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