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Original poster

I fancy my neighbour.. help!

73 replies

user1234forprivacymnhq · 03/12/2023 23:51

Oh gosh.. where do I start? I’ve always found my neighbour attractive and intrigued by him for the last year or so.. we’ve only ever said hello and had brief convo nothing exciting.

anyway, as of 2 weeks ago we started messaging on insta. I messaged him first (innocently, kinda) just about something neighbourly. He was quite chatty.. long and short is we’ve been messaging every day since! For the first week just normal chat.. then it started getting a little flirty.. the odd comment. Now it’s full blown flirting and talk about hooking up.. your place or mine sort of thing.
I can see how this can go TERRIBLY bad but gosh it’s hot.. I’ve never done the whole ‘one night stand business’ I came out of a long term relationship 2 years ago and want to date and also have a bit of me time and fun.. not be a sleep around at all as I never have but this seems exciting.. do I entertain it? Could it become something? I don’t remember who actually became flirty first.. it’s just kinda happened…

but I did make a comment like ‘maybe you should take me out first hey’ which got ignored but the other half of me is like hmmm maybe f**k it and have a bit of fun for once in your life who knows?!

where do I start with a casual hook up? Do you just go in and go straight to it? Surely not right? Gosh I’m clueless..

I definitely find him attractive and exciting. Whether it’s more than that atm I don’t know! Time will well?! Ahh..

OP posts:
JL690 · 03/12/2023 23:56

And insta is the only contact you've had with your neighbour?

Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:00

@JL690 no, we’ve spoken in person on a fair few occasions when seeing each other outside but never in depth conversation.. we’ve then spoken loads on insta 😬

OP posts:
JL690 · 04/12/2023 00:03

One of you is going to have to bite the bullet if you want to go from virtual to real life.

Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:05

@JL690 Well, the convo tonight he asked to meet me tomorrow night at mine or his. So he’s suggested, to which I’m actually busy tomorrow.. and he said ah always the way! Hmm..
I’ve never been someone who just hooks up with people but I really am sexually attracted to him and I don’t know if it’s more than that yet.
is it so wrong if I go for it and have fun? With a neighbour? Ahh.. honestly I don’t know where to start with hook ups! I’ve only ever slept with someone when in a relationship!

OP posts:
JL690 · 04/12/2023 00:07

Only you can decide for you.

Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:07

You are right. Suppose I just want to to hear opinions/experiences. Thank you

OP posts:
Inaspot21 · 04/12/2023 00:08

Nothing wrong with fun between two consenting adults but don’t forget that if things go south I assume you’d still have to see him regularly!!

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 00:09

So he ignored suggestions to take you out, but wants a night in at your place or his?? On bare acquaintance?

What a prince. 🙄

SkaneTos · 04/12/2023 00:09

Are you both single?

Ask him out if you like him.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2023 00:10

I would have dinner or lunch together, and start spending a little more time face to face over the next couple of weeks before you even consider having sex with him. You need to be really sure that's what you want to do, because there's no un-ringing that bell.

I think you also need to have a big think about what you really want. Do you want just a FWB situation, or are you wanting a long lasting relationship? Do you want marriage or kids in the future? If you do but he doesn't, I wouldn't be wasting much time on him.

JL690 · 04/12/2023 00:11

user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:07

You are right. Suppose I just want to to hear opinions/experiences. Thank you

If it helps, personally, I wouldn't jump into bed with someone who was only flirty online and not when I see them in real life.

NosamLDN · 04/12/2023 00:12

One outcome here ,you will get it on ,all hot ,and he will realise you want morethan what he is willing to go for and you will feel crap and you will have to now see this person when you put the bins out for years to come. There is that saying " don't shit where you sleep "

Its all hot now until you realise it's not what you want and you will have to see him with another person and vice versa

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 00:14

NosamLDN · 04/12/2023 00:12

One outcome here ,you will get it on ,all hot ,and he will realise you want morethan what he is willing to go for and you will feel crap and you will have to now see this person when you put the bins out for years to come. There is that saying " don't shit where you sleep "

Its all hot now until you realise it's not what you want and you will have to see him with another person and vice versa

This x100

Don't foul your nest. Especially with such a lackluster specimen.

Greenfinch7 · 04/12/2023 00:18

Do you actually want to just get together with him for sex? Or would you rather get to know him and perhaps have a relationship? You shouldn't just have casual sex with him if that is not what you want, but you are afraid that it is all he wants and you think it might be better than nothing, because (unless you want casual sex) I bet it will be worse than nothing.

I would never want a ONS or no strings attached sex, but that is just me! Only you know it that would be fun and exciting for you.

If you are interested in a relationship, ask him to have dinner with you, or go for a walk and a drink, or something like that, and DON'T sleep with him immediately. That is my, perhaps obvious and perhaps old fashioned, advice.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2023 00:19

LaurieStrode · 04/12/2023 00:09

So he ignored suggestions to take you out, but wants a night in at your place or his?? On bare acquaintance?

What a prince. 🙄

This in a nutshell, from the sound of it. You need to be really careful if all he wants is an easy shag and you catch feelings. Then you're in for a real mess.

The opposite could happen, too, and then you may not be able to escape him.

Choose your next steps carefully.

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/12/2023 00:20

If he is suggesting hooking up, then he is not intending anything serious, he just wants to come round for a shag. I'd be very very wary of that with a neighbour.

He isn't even offering to take you out for a drink, just straight into your house and into bed. He isn't a nice guy.

Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:20

@NosamLDN hmm. You could be very right here!! But it could also be a causal hook up and that’s all we both end up wanting? Is that possible? I’ve never done this sort of thing before.
you prob are right though. As I was interested for maybe him to take me out somewhere see how we get on when with each other for a longer period of time but the fact he’s ignored that and has openly asked me to come over tomorrow night says a lot doesn’t it…

the only one date I’ve ever been on in the last year the guy openly admitted he’s going on dates with the intention to just have sex.. turns out with me it was a bit different as we saw each other for about 5 months until I called it off and I didn’t sleep with him for a while.. however at least he actually is willing to go out somewhere first with someone before just hooking up? Ah why do I find him so exciting though! Part of me wants to be like meh.. f**k it it’s spicy 😂

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 04/12/2023 00:21

He sounds lame to me. Quiet in person (for a year!) but full of it when hiding behind his keyboard. If you are looking for good sex, and why the hell not, better to find a guy with balls. Who doesn't live next door.

thatlondonchick · 04/12/2023 00:23

I wouldn't do it personally. What if he has a secret gf and it kicks off one day or a crazy ex... better off out of it I think.

Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:23

@Ablondiebutagoody Interesting perspective I like it!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1234forprivacymnhq · 04/12/2023 00:26

@JL690 good point, thank you! Guess I will see how he is when we bump into each other next.. we haven’t actually seen each other since this messaging started!

OP posts:
mumtoboys12 · 04/12/2023 00:31

Don't shit where you sleep!

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/12/2023 00:36

I predict that he will shit his pants when you next bump into each other. Please come back with an update!

wjpa · 04/12/2023 00:57

NosamLDN · 04/12/2023 00:12

One outcome here ,you will get it on ,all hot ,and he will realise you want morethan what he is willing to go for and you will feel crap and you will have to now see this person when you put the bins out for years to come. There is that saying " don't shit where you sleep "

Its all hot now until you realise it's not what you want and you will have to see him with another person and vice versa

Yes, this

He would have to do a bit more than "your place or mine" to start something nice anyway. He doesn't seem minded to do that. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, but he could have invited you to actually do something and to get to know each other. He just seems to be inviting you to bed, which if it is just that, is probably a mistake with a neighbour.

FourChristmasDinners · 04/12/2023 01:28

I bet he can’t believe his luck that a neighbourly message might result in his getting sex without leaving his house or putting any effort at all in. It makes me feel a bit sick for you really, how he’s gone about it with ignoring you when you said to take you out. Even got a hook up, expect a bit more. There’s loads of attractive men out there that would be happy with a casual hook up, choose one of those that is at least actively looking and will have made a bit of an effort.