I fancy my neighbour.. help!

[user1234forprivacymnhq]

Oh gosh.. where do I start? I’ve always found my neighbour attractive and intrigued by him for the last year or so.. we’ve only ever said hello and had brief convo nothing exciting.

anyway, as of 2 weeks ago we started messaging on insta. I messaged him first (innocently, kinda) just about something neighbourly. He was quite chatty.. long and short is we’ve been messaging every day since! For the first week just normal chat.. then it started getting a little flirty.. the odd comment. Now it’s full blown flirting and talk about hooking up.. your place or mine sort of thing.
I can see how this can go TERRIBLY bad but gosh it’s hot.. I’ve never done the whole ‘one night stand business’ I came out of a long term relationship 2 years ago and want to date and also have a bit of me time and fun.. not be a sleep around at all as I never have but this seems exciting.. do I entertain it? Could it become something? I don’t remember who actually became flirty first.. it’s just kinda happened…

but I did make a comment like ‘maybe you should take me out first hey’ which got ignored but the other half of me is like hmmm maybe f**k it and have a bit of fun for once in your life who knows?!

where do I start with a casual hook up? Do you just go in and go straight to it? Surely not right? Gosh I’m clueless..

I definitely find him attractive and exciting. Whether it’s more than that atm I don’t know! Time will well?! Ahh..

^ This.
If you do decide to go ahead. It’ll be fwb at best, possibly a one off as it sounds like he’s not interested in a relationship. At least you know that.
As long as you are ok with that go ahead. It’s very close to home though (excuse the pun!) he may block you after it- just a thought. Be prepared.

I think he is just fishing for sex as its easy for him. Sorry but Id make it very clear to him that Im not a cheap easy shag. But all this depends on what you want. Do you want a shag? Can you not develop feelings for him afterwards? Seems like he is not the relationship kind from your short OP. I might be wrong! Dating is a pain in the arse.

I agree with this. If he's a have your cake sort of person it could turn cold v easily and you may end up v hurt as you don't normally entertain these ideas and ways .

Hes hot, yes , but he's also v close to home and the last thing I'd want id to feel uncomfortable coming out of my house when things change.

Him not listening to the lets go out bit is telling...

the only thing I would worry about is the neighbour thing. I have had fling with a neighbour and as exciting as it was it is now a difficult thing. Unless the outcome is happy ever after somebody will have to end the relationship, whatever form it has taken. And then it gets really hard, clean break very hard with a neighbour, and by definition you’ll both know when the other starts another relationship/has a fling and that’s not comfy for either party . Can lead to wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I would be extra cautious and perhaps go on manoeuvres a bit further away…

He doesn't feel the same way as you. He only wants causal sex. He has made that clear that he doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you. He has declined your offer for going out.

This is definitely a terrible idea.

You are already attached and emotionally invested. You have carried some sort of feelings for him for years now.

Having sex with him won't make him want to be with you.

You have made things a little awkward with your date invitation. It would be extremely awkward if you were to have sex with him...especially since you want more out of it.

He was honest about his intentions. Keep his honesty in mind, and do not warp things into what it isn't.

This is a bad idea. Since he doesn't feel the same as you, unless either one of you move, you will have to see him with other women, perhaps get married, perhaps have children. You will run into one another occassionally. You will be crushed and have to pick up the pieces.

There's also a chance it will circulate all over the neighborhood.

There are billions of men in this world. Pick one that doesn't live in close proximity.

An excellently neat summary 😁
Agreed!

Don’t mess on your own front step comes to mind, you will regret it.

I had a great hook up relationship with my neighbour for a few years. We did try a relationship at one point but decided wasn't for us.
We were both a different stages in our lives and ultimately wanted different things although the same age.
It wasn't the best ending when it happened but even now 15 years on We stay in touch occasionally . It can work but you need to set the expectations from the start.

Also he doesn't even respect you. If he did he wouldn't have disregarded and bypassed your question. A "no" would have been sufficient.

The fact that you allowed this disrespect by brushing things off, and continuing to communicate is because you perhaps don't think highly and respect yourself much.

Personally after he bypassed the question, you should have brought it to his attention that you are awaiting a response to your question. ..there are times when some people unintentionally overlook things...in your case, it probably was intentional. .in which it would have been a good idea to end things permanently after that.

Please learn to love yourself more, and don't tolerate disrespect.

It was very rude and disrespectful of him to do that.

Don't get involved (in any way) nor stay with guys that don't respect you.

Thank you for your replies everyone

I appreciate it so much and respect and enjoyed reading everyone’s perspective and view and opinions - hugely helpful.

I just want to add - although he didn’t respond to my comment about taking me out. Prior to this comment we were discussing whether he had ever done an escape room. To which he said he hadn’t but ‘why, am I going to go with him then?’ And I said I’d go with him why not and he said that’s a date then with a wink.. the following messages then went onto flirtyness around me going round to his place to which I said ‘maybe you should take me out first hey’ which he didn’t respond too and replied the following day saying he had a busy day how am I.. so maybe I read too much into it?

but since then is when he was very forward about suggesting I go over there the next night. So in hindsight he definitely seems more eager to have me go round there than he is taking me out.

I wouldn’t be hurt if it was nothing between us as I don’t even know the guy. All I know is I find him attractive and the conversation has been exciting so I was thinking of going out somewhere with him as that’s how I’ve always done things first if I find someone interesting and attractive? I’d of course prefer the chance to actually have a proper conversation with him in person before just hooking up. But the other part of me is also like hmm.. maybe a cheeky night over there isn’t so bad when there’s no feelings? Who knows hey!

Will update if anything happens - however I don’t see it becoming a thing!

thanks again everyone 😘

I agree with this.
If it was accompanied with a lot of mutual in person chemistry and you were 100% sure you wanted casual then.... maaaaybe.
The flirting is fun then it gets all.... transactional doesn't it? Like they're trying to get you to sign on the line before you even start the evening together? Currently OLD and potentially open to casual myself but it's this approach that is so off-putting.

Thoroughly well put.

U probably shouldn’t cos if you fall out you still have to live next to him

I just want to add - although he didn’t respond to my comment about taking me out. Prior to this comment we were discussing whether he had ever done an escape room. To which he said he hadn’t but ‘why, am I going to go with him then?’ And I said I’d go with him why not and he said that’s a date then with a wink.. the following messages then went onto flirtyness around me going round to his place to which I said ‘maybe you should take me out first hey’ which he didn’t respond too and replied the following day saying he had a busy day how am I.. so maybe I read too much into it?

But he hasn’t asked you out despite having the opportunity. Get the message! He’s not interested in taking you out or putting in any money or effort. If you’re happy with that, that’s fine but your posts say otherwise.

You’re talking about going out with him, getting to know him, justifying him not replying to your date suggestion. He’s got you thinking about him, posting here, going over and over your text conversations, agonising about whether he meant this or that, when it’s very obvious he only wants sex but to make no effort. He’s a dick imo.

“But he hasn’t asked you out despite having the opportunity. Get the message! He’s not interested in taking you out or putting in any money or effort. If you’re happy with that, that’s fine but your posts say otherwise.

You’re talking about going out with him, getting to know him, justifying him not replying to your date suggestion. He’s got you thinking about him, posting here, going over and over your text conversations, agonising about whether he meant this or that, when it’s very obvious he only wants sex but to make no effort.”

This. When my mum (who had married at 18), my sister and I were all single and dating in the late 1990s, we quickly learned: never make excuses for a man’s failure to get in touch/ask you out. Men go for what they want. If he hasn’t asked you out - it’s either because he’s just not that into you or he’s unavailable. If he’s got time to proposition you, he’s got time to ask you out. Just be aware: this man will disappoint you.

If it was me, I would be insulated by a man who was interested enough to want to come over but not interested enough to date.

BUT if you actually really just want casual sex, I would still avoid. He's your neighbour. If he hurts your feelings and ignores you after or whatever, you're not able to avoid him. You could be watching him date other women home for years.

dont do it
youll end up with a baby that he dont wanna see but walks past his house everyday. believe me

my neighbour i have been seeing for well over 12 years in bham he was all for having a child we havent had contact for the past 2 weeks now and i walk past with his daughter everyday our lovely hypes lol and all he wants is sex and i look back now and think he never washes properly his armpits always stink not worth it unless you can do it and then find somewere else to live when shit gets real LOL

also it was fun until he gave me a child and halitosis
pmsl

Nine years ago I bought a flat and a month later, a man bought the one underneath. After three months, we got together. We are still together - but only just - and I would not recommend it. It makes it VERY difficult to split up when you see one another all the time. I honestly don't think we would have lasted this long if we didn't live where we live. It's very hard to move on if you split up and live - literally - on top of one another. We don't make enough effort to go on dates because all we have to do is pop up or downstairs. In some ways it's very easy but it's also a lot of pressure on a relationship when you live so close. He has basically moved in with me, without us ever even having a conversation about it. It just kind of happened because of our circumstances.

I’d be insulted if a man just wanted me for a shag. It says, ‘I’m not interested in you. I’m only interested in spunking into your vagina’. If that’s all he’s interested in you can do better. As someone wise on here once said, ‘Penis is abundant and cheap’. Why settle on being a receptacle for someone’s DNA when you can have the kind of relationship you want? Don’t waste your time or energy on a man who isn’t prepared to spent time and energy on you.

Oh this is gunna end in tears

Don't crap on your own doorstep