Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would these put you off a man?

66 replies

TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:55

Would love others opinions on if I am being ‘picky’ over a man I’m seeing.

Met a man through a shared hobby.
We have known each other for a year, been seeing each other for 6 months.
we get on great. He’s lovely.

but…. There are some things that I am put off by and I would like to hear other girls opinions on if these things would put you off too?

1- he owns about 5 tops and wears them on rotation. It’s basically 5 of the same plain tshirt, a different colour of each. That’s ALL he wears.
map any time we have met or when he sends me a photo he is only ever wearing one of the 5 T-shirts.
(for context he has a well paid job)

2- his penis smells a bit. So I don’t like to go down on him unless he’s straight out of the shower.

3- he does not trim his pubes. It’s a big bush and o have mentioned

OP posts:
Original poster
TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:56

Damn pressed send too soon.

i have mentioned that I like it trimmed (only once though)
I remove all my hair.

OP posts:
Original poster
TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:57

Oh and he doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman other than via sex (and he’s perfect at that bit) I just don’t know if I want to be the teacher of how to touch a woman.

OP posts:
TheLongpigs · 02/12/2023 19:58

I actively would like point 1. Good on him.
Point 2, I would have a preference of fresh out of the shower anyway.
Point 3, not an issue for me at all.

sugarandsweetener · 02/12/2023 19:58

all a bit gross to be honest

“picky” you are not

TheLongpigs · 02/12/2023 19:58

TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:57

Oh and he doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman other than via sex (and he’s perfect at that bit) I just don’t know if I want to be the teacher of how to touch a woman.

Ahhhh. This is the deal breaker though

Original poster
TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:59

two answers already both of different opinions- interesting.

OP posts:
Original poster
TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 20:00

With his 5 tops.
to clarify - he will wear that top for both a trip to a supermarket or a Christmas party (which is what happened)
he doesn’t iron them either

OP posts:
Richie23 · 02/12/2023 20:01

The clothing can be changed easily. When I started seeing my husband he had one pair of jeans and a couple of old T-shirts and one hoodie he would just wear constantly. Pretty soon into dating I told him I thought he’d look nice in a different colour hoodie etc and he was happy for me to help him get some things. Some guys genuinely don’t care for style or get any enjoyment out of shopping so will avoid it, even if it means they don’t look their best. You can just buy him some stuff and tell him he looks great when he wears it. He’ll probably still wear his old stuff too.
The other stuff is just a matter of hygiene which you should be honest about. You’ve said you’ve told him you prefer trimmed so just reiterate that. And tell him you prefer to do stuff after he’s had a shower. Just be honest with him.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 02/12/2023 20:02

TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:57

Oh and he doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman other than via sex (and he’s perfect at that bit) I just don’t know if I want to be the teacher of how to touch a woman.

This is the only one I really wouldn't like.

That said, I've trained some men to be really top quality in bed so there's potential if he wants to listen.

I don't care about the t-shirts. He's probably more pungent because of the pubic hair but it's his hair so it's completely up to him what he wants to do with it.

Bellsandwhistle · 02/12/2023 20:02

These would be deal breakers for me. You can’t and shouldn’t need to train him.

FiddleLeaf · 02/12/2023 20:05

I think if I loved the man these things wouldn’t matter so it’s probably a sign you’re not that into him.

Tshirt thing wouldn’t bother me. I’d sneakily buy him a lovely new tshirt or jumper this Xmas ;)

Original poster
TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 20:05

The pubic hair thing
i find me touching his penis my hand will get caught in the pubes which is a bit awkward- means doing that doesn’t go smoothly if you know what I mean.
and if I go down there it’s in my face.
yet I keep very well trimmed and neat.

I am not bothered about the latest fashion on a man but when it’s always one of the same T-shirts no matter what we are doing it’s a bit weird. I make a Big effort with what I wear so I look nice for him.

OP posts:
Dogsitterwoes · 02/12/2023 20:08

T shirts, wouldn't care

Pungent penis, depends whether just normal scent or down to smeggy foreskin etc. genitals of either sex are not naturally scentless.

Bushy pubes, his pubes his choice.

Bad in bed - that's the no for me.

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/12/2023 20:08

Unhygienic penis is a deal breaker. He expects to put it inside your body? How many infections have you had since being with him?

The other two don't bother me much. I don't shave at all anymore. Having said that, I do love cosplay so having no regular clothes wouldn't be an issue so long as he has his steampunk attire! Lol

OfficerChurlish · 02/12/2023 20:08

I'm confused about the T-shirts - these are his only tops? Does he wear a sweater, hoodie, overshirt, jacket, etc. over them if it's cold, or if the occasion calls for it - e,g., a job interview or a funeral? I could deal with the basic wardrobe as his choice for most occasions/every day wear, but not with his being weirdly dogmatic about it.

The smelly penis and the lack of flexibility about sex are probably dealbreakers - as you say, you don't want to be coaching an adult man on washing and sex and you'll probably go off him if you do, especially if he's not a super quick study. The pubes trimming could be legitimate preference, esp. if he's been single for a while, but if it's important to you he should be able to at least discuss/consider trimming.

MrsQTip · 02/12/2023 20:08

@TreacleTrees
Hair and odour 🤢🤢 there are worse things than T Shirts though

Would these put you off a man?
Deadringer · 02/12/2023 20:08

I wouldn't care about the clothes or the hair, but I wouldn't be going near a penis that whiffs, shower fresh or nothing, and I wouldn't mind him being a bit clueless if he is willing to make an effort to improve.

Galectable · 02/12/2023 20:08

He probably grew up with no sisters? Many guys have to learn along the way. You saying you remove all your hair does make me wonder if you are too far apart in respect of self image. If you are going to 'meet in the middle' you could try letting some of your body hair grow out? How does that make you feel.

SwordToFlamethrower · 02/12/2023 20:09

Bin the man who expects a blow job but won't go down on you like a dog gobbling porridge. No way! Bin

betterangels · 02/12/2023 20:10

If he's shit in bed and doesn't wash properly, that's dealbreakers. The clothes wouldn't matter to me as long they were clean. I don't own an iron. I wouldn't presume to have any say about a man and how he deals with his pubes.

But he'd be gone because of the bad sex.

NYCvibing · 02/12/2023 20:12

Tell him directly that you find men in crisp new button shirts terribly sexy.

Then next time steer him past a men’s clothes shop that has something appropriate, and “spontaneously pop in and ask him to try a couple… that way you know you’re choosing something he has no objections wearing rather than you gifting him something sight unseen.

In these early days, he’ll want to bend over backwards to please you… just install a new razor in the bathroom and next time he’s going in there, say what you would like to do to him once the hairdo is out of the way…

That way, they are invitations and telling him how attractive you find him, rather than couched as criticisms.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2023 20:14

his penis smells a bit. So I don’t like to go down on him unless he’s straight out of the shower.

You could have started and ended with this one and saved yourself, and us, a lot of time.

NEXT.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 02/12/2023 20:16

TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:57

Oh and he doesn’t know how to pleasure a woman other than via sex (and he’s perfect at that bit) I just don’t know if I want to be the teacher of how to touch a woman.

Do you mean he doesn’t give you oral? That’s a no from me.

Ilovelurchers · 02/12/2023 20:17

T-shirts wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd admire the lack of materialism, but if you are interested in clothes it may mean he doesn't suit you personally.

The lack of sexual expertise would put me off personally tho others would be happy to work with him on that.

The hair thing wouldn't bother me, but maybe just tell him it's your preference - you can't insist obviously but it's probably the sort of thing many men are willing to adjust if asked. (tho I am not a man and don't know this for sure).

The smell is interesting. I think few people are totally odour-free under their clothes/pants if they have been wearing them for a while. But in my experience (and I think, tho I am no expert, there is some research evidence to back this up) women are quite sensitive to the scent of men, based on pheremones I think, and some men will smell much better to us than others? Certainly, my husband smells great to me even when he has been working all day and sweaty. Even his socks smell good to me! Etc. It disgusts him a bit (in an amused way) but it's true!

So if his smell is off-putting to you, could be an incompatibility thing?

Or I might be talking rubbish of course. But since I found my current husband I have always advised my single straight girlfriends to give a fella a good sniff before deciding whether they are interested or not! 🤣

SnapdragonToadflax · 02/12/2023 20:23

I have, admittedly, been in the same relationship for nearly 20 years so it's a while since I encountered anyone else's pubes... but do any men trim? I never met one that did!

If a man expected me to I would bin him off, so yes I think you're being unreasonable.

T-shirts wouldn't bother me so long as he dresses appropriately when he needs to - so a shirt for a wedding/funeral.

Cleanliness is obviously important, but we're mammals and it's normal to be a bit smelly if you haven't showered for a few hours.