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Original poster

Would these put you off a man?

66 replies

TreacleTrees · 02/12/2023 19:55

Would love others opinions on if I am being ‘picky’ over a man I’m seeing.

Met a man through a shared hobby.
We have known each other for a year, been seeing each other for 6 months.
we get on great. He’s lovely.

but…. There are some things that I am put off by and I would like to hear other girls opinions on if these things would put you off too?

1- he owns about 5 tops and wears them on rotation. It’s basically 5 of the same plain tshirt, a different colour of each. That’s ALL he wears.
map any time we have met or when he sends me a photo he is only ever wearing one of the 5 T-shirts.
(for context he has a well paid job)

2- his penis smells a bit. So I don’t like to go down on him unless he’s straight out of the shower.

3- he does not trim his pubes. It’s a big bush and o have mentioned

OP posts:
fulawitt · 02/12/2023 20:27

That is a lot of effort for a new relationship, you are wide apart, he should have started freshen up before you got to bed with him, just saying. The shirts it's fine, at the end of the day, he will eventually get some new ones, you will get him some. Taste can be refined he does not have to own wallmart, I actually like that. Wash before sex, that's the beginning the middle and the end of it. Some wash after sex too. Sex is a learning curb anyway, so I would not complain about not knowing anything. Cleanliness is a real problem and because you are already at it, I believe it will be difficult to change. I might be wrong.

fulawitt · 02/12/2023 20:28

3 - trim him.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/12/2023 20:32

How old is he? If he's in his 20s, he's teachable, although you might not be bothered to. If he's in his 30s, meh, he's fully cooked, as Judge Judy would say.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 02/12/2023 20:42

Does he look like ZZ Top "down there"?

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/12/2023 20:45

I wouldn't cast so much about the T-shirts as long as they were always clean, but the smelly dick would put me right off! One sniff and I'd be gone.

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/12/2023 20:46

At six months you are still at the honeymoon stage. God knows what he's going to be like in a couple of years' time.

Lovemusic82 · 02/12/2023 20:51

I don’t see the issue with 1 or 3. Perfectly fine to wear the same 5 T-shirts on rotation, I do similar. I like a man with pubes and I would also be annoyed if a partner told me how to style my pubic hair. The smelly penis is rank though 🤢 but I would only do oral on a freshly washed penis.

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 02/12/2023 20:56

I actually quite like the 5 T-shirts on rota thing, sounds like he is doing his bit for the environment and also not wasting his time on what to wear. The other things would put me off though, particularly the fact that he smells.

sadsas · 02/12/2023 21:14

The t shirts wouldn't bother me, I like minimalism and don't like men who spend a lot of time and money on their appearance, as long as his clothes are clean and decent I don't care about dressing up.

The big bush is something I like.

The smell, when you're attracted to someone even their sweat smells sexy to you and all genitals smell if they aren't fresh out of the shower and even then there will be a feint smell.

I don't understand how he is good at sex but doesn't know how to touch a woman.

I think you just don't like him enough.

catotangent · 02/12/2023 21:16

🤢. Sorry, that would be too much. If five t-shirts only are owned, and washed on rotation, that doesn't sound very fresh either.

esmeisa · 02/12/2023 21:23

So many men trim down there?
I'm old so haven't dated in years but saw my fair share of penis's when younger ( late 80's and 90's) can only say I came upon 1 who shaved down there.

Is this a thing now?
Answering the OP obviously no.3 wouldn't bother me, no 1, annoying but not a deal breaker but smelly penis is gross.

Ffsnotaconference · 02/12/2023 21:25

The t-shirts things isn’t a big deal. Unless they are all dirty and falling apart and he makes no effort

Most people’s genitals smell, unless fresh out of the shower. What sort of smell? If there’s an infection of some sort, why would you be letting it anywhere near you at all? Does he shower everyday? If it’s not just normal bodily smells bad, I don’t understand why you would even have sex with him.

Pubic hair trimming is the preference of the person whose hair it is. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. But what he does with it isn’t your decision.

He can learn the things you like in bed, just be honest. If you don’t want to teach him. That’s fine too. Though again, I am unsure why you would be having sex with him if you go down on him on occasion and he doesn’t reciprocate.

I don’t think any of these are red flags as such (unless there’s no showering or an infection which he is continuing to spread about). I think you have preferences, as we all do. He doesn’t fit those preferences. You just aren’t really into him. Thats ok. Just end it.

But red flags are not just things that aren’t your preference.

and please don’t say things like ‘I find men in crisp new shirts really sexy’ or ‘I find it attractive when a man trims his pubic hair’. A man trying to manipulate a woman into wearing certain clothes she doesn’t have a preference for or into shaving her pubic hair would be called a controlling wanker.

If he want to wear shirts, he would. He has the money to. If he wanted to trim his pubic hair, he would.

Ffsnotaconference · 02/12/2023 21:30

catotangent · 02/12/2023 21:16

🤢. Sorry, that would be too much. If five t-shirts only are owned, and washed on rotation, that doesn't sound very fresh either.

Why not?

You wear one per day for 3 days and they go in the wash with other items. People wear work uniform 5 days a week and often don’t have 10 uniform tops.

plenty of women don’t have more than 5 bras they wear regularly.

How are they less fresh that if he wore 10 different types of tops. Still washed every time he wore them?

If you wash every time you wear them, what’s the difference. If there’s 5 days between wear and 10 days how does that make them less fresh?

catotangent · 02/12/2023 21:40

I haven't thought about it in any detail I admit. I think only owning five t shirts and washing them on rotation they'd get worn or tired looking. If he really owns no other tops at all.

scoobydoo1971 · 02/12/2023 21:43

I am ancient and very poorly. I haven't had any thoughts or hope of a sex life in nearly a year. That stated, there isn't a chance in hell that I would let a man with a whiffy one near any part of me, and frankly I am not THAT discriminating given the various bits of my body falling apart. Canesten only reaches so far in the microcosm of potential infections and itches that Shrek could be inflicting on you with his swampy stick. Throw in pubes from the Amazon jungle and I would be finding a sudden calling to wear a habit and join a convent. This boils down to self respect and respect for your partner. You have to tell him that his plumbing smells as he may not know he has BO. There maybe some medical cause like diabetes. You could also tell him his plantation field is a put off as it is not 1974. If you are sexual with this man, you should be able to talk to him as well. If he doesn't care what you think, what does that say about the future you have together?

EtiennePalmiere · 03/12/2023 01:11

Not worth it, sorry

LittleGreenDragons · 03/12/2023 01:25

2- his penis smells a bit. So I don’t like to go down on him unless he’s straight out of the shower.

Why the feck do you want to go near that??

SleepPrettyDarling · 03/12/2023 01:32

ALL of these things would turn me off.

TurningtheLightOff · 03/12/2023 01:37

I think it’s weird that there is some expectation that women are all cookie-cutter and a man can just do exactly the same thing, sexually, to each, and they’ll get off. I treat each new partner as fresh and we learn together. Sure, you may have some techniques that worked elsewhere or whatever, and they’re worth a shot, but everyone is so different. The whole ‘he knows how to please a woman’ trope is so tired. Sex is communication.

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 02:41

^ I agree with that. Every person is an individual. You shouldn't just assume he will know what you like in bed. Open your mouth and talk. It is not "teaching" someone to get to know each other's likes and dislikes. You have quite a fixed idea of what sex, pubes and fashion should look like.

The smelly penis is rank, though. But seeing as he is very unlikely to be able to smell it personally, you should say something so he is aware.

fulawitt · 03/12/2023 02:51

Also everyone has a natural scent. You should have checked behind his ears or his feet (socks) before going down naked. Maybe you are just not compatible.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 03/12/2023 02:58

1 might slightly irritate me....you can't wear the sane clothes to the gym as on a day.
Same with 3 but both 1&3 are easily fixed.

But 2 would be an absolute deal broker for me. I wouldn't even gave to think twice. I would be fine the moment I first sighted/smelt it. Disgusting. If a man can't put the effort into basic hygiene not only will ge stinks but he'll also be lazy and neglectful in other areas.

RantyAnty · 03/12/2023 04:17

Smelly Weiner. No way.

5 t shirts a little weird. Doesn't he own any sweaters?

Z z top ok if it's clean

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2023 05:40

If his nob gets lost in his pubes then it's not big enough. Plus smelly. Plus he's crap at foreplay by the sounds of it.

Bin.

Holidayhell22 · 03/12/2023 06:02

It’s a no from me. I can’t see how someone who smells and only wears 5 tops is hygienic. He would have to be washing his clothes at least every 3rd day.