@Oliveandrose, am I correct that there was a difference in H’s approach at the two parties? Overt vs covert? Last year you observed his and Suzanne’s extended, reciprocated “locked eyes” as he walked toward you. As he passed her, his gaze traveled down her dress. She must have been aware. He obviously felt confident that the gazing and intimate drooling were good moves.
This year his mind and eyes were again laser focused on Suzanne, but with subterfuge — sly staring with a loving expression, hovering in her orbit, repositioning himself whenever she approached, verbal bumbling when interacting. His agenda appeared to be protecting his, or their, investment. His faithless behavior must deeply sting.
You surmise that, although Suzanne engaged in the eye frisson last year, she probably does not realize his infatuation. I beg to differ, especially if she saw him perving down her cleavage. This year she clocked his turning away whenever she approached, which was a ‘tell’ regarding his extreme crush, as was his stumbling/babbling when they spoke. She must know. Perhaps she has set a boundary since last year, or is possibly colluding with him to hide in plain sight.
Do you know if they privately call or message each other? His investment of emotional energy and his behavior change is incongruent with seeing her only a few times a year.
Well done for confronting him with the obvious. I’m sorry that he chose to deny, stonewall, and shift the blame by claiming it’s “all in your head.” This is, of course, the manipulative Script. He clearly feels no remorse for humiliating you, and refuses to acknowledge the truth of his actions and feelings. Your taking space is a wise decision.
@Oliveandrose, all you can do is assert your boundaries and set down what you won’t accept in your marriage. For me, this would include his degradation of my feelings and his devaluation of marital equality, honesty and loyalty. I know that I couldn’t come back from this.