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Original poster

In love with best friend.

60 replies

C6H12O6 · 25/11/2023 23:52

Friends for over 2 years. Realised I felt something about a year ago. Don’t know what to do.

We talk everyday. Mundane stuff, big stuff, everything. We do the same job albeit in different companies, and we share a hobby, see each other minimum twice a week. Often just drinks, me and him.

We have banter, take the piss constantly, we cheer each other on, share big life decisions.

He’s been offered a job that would mean moving over 3 hours away. I’m devastated but have been supportive, not mentioned my feelings.

Do I tell him how I feel?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 26/11/2023 00:02

I would tell him. He’s moving 3 hours away so sadly the friendship is going to change in a way, you won’t see each other as often.

I would tell him how you feel and I really hope he feels the same.

HeddaGarbled · 26/11/2023 00:05

No, I wouldn’t, not now he’s moving. If he wasn’t moving it might be worth a try but you’ll only put a spanner in the works of his new exciting move if you declare yourself now.

This love thing. A friend who you’re sexually attracted to is perfect. But there’s more than one potential candidate. Once you’re seeing him less often you’ll be able to cast your net a bit wider.

savethatkitty · 26/11/2023 00:06

Life is too short. Tell him before he moves away.

xanadu123 · 26/11/2023 00:09

I'd tell him now so he can make the decision for himself whether to stay and pursue things with you or move away for the job. You have nothing to lose as 3 hours means the friendship won't stay as close anyway - this way you both have the option to see if a relationship could work. And if he isn't interested then you'll have space and distance to get over him.

pinkdelight · 26/11/2023 00:25

I'd tell him. It's only been two years, not a lifelong friendship. It's perfectly possible he feels the same way and you could work something out. If not, he's moving away so you could get over him more easily.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 26/11/2023 00:29

I'd tell him.

Life is far too short to be wondering if he was your person.

Thistlelass · 26/11/2023 00:50

Tell him. Chances in love are few and far between in this life.

Burntouted · 26/11/2023 00:51

Don't tell him now.. Tell him after he moves, and is settled...and has been there for awhile..about a few months to a year.

Telling him now, may have him not chasing his dreams and not taking an perhaps long awaited opportunity on account of you..

Telling him now may spoil his excitement, and perhaps make him feel obligated to stay.

3 hours isn't too much of a long commute .

Also, you have to decide if you want to risk it all or not. It is possible that he doesn't feel the same. .then the friendship and bond may be ruined.

Either way, if the feelings are mutual or not. Revealing this information will change the dynamics.

..but ...if you don't tell him...you'll always regret it, and be wondering "what if?"

Burntouted · 26/11/2023 01:15

Also, you two need the space and distance away from each other ..for you to determine if what you have are actual feelings in a romantic sense, or if the feelings are stemming from his available presence, the fact that you have his company.

Perhaps these feelings may be due to him filling voids of loneliness. They may be more of feelings of appreciation...appreciation that you have him to talk to and hang out.

The feelings may fizzle and turn into something else..a few weeks or months after he's gone.

WavingCatsandDogs · 26/11/2023 04:25

Tell him. Life is short.

What you don't want is him
meeting somebody else and wondering 'what if'

If he doesn't feel same way well he is going away and 'what the heart doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve after'

Seize life, seize love.

ItchinAnBitchin · 26/11/2023 04:27

Is he in a relationship?

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/11/2023 04:52

Are you both single? What's it like if you've had a couple of drinks and it's just you two?

GodDammitCecil · 26/11/2023 05:03

Tell him.

But be prepared for that to change the relationship in a way that might not be positive.

justwatchingtelly · 26/11/2023 05:26

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/11/2023 04:52

Are you both single? What's it like if you've had a couple of drinks and it's just you two?

This.

Autieangel · 26/11/2023 06:59

If you are both single I'd say "I've realised I've developed feelings for you, do you feel the same?"

If he says yes then you can move forward. If he says no then you say 'that's fine I'm happy to be friends' and see how the friendship goes long term.

Original poster
C6H12O6 · 26/11/2023 09:16

Both single. It’s easy when we are together. Flirty banter both ways, deep conversations, similar interests. It’s lovely.

OP posts:
User1343 · 26/11/2023 09:24

I agree with @Burntouted

Fishpieandchips · 26/11/2023 09:33

When is he moving? I think you should tell him you are going to miss him and see how the conversation goes.
Ive got a friend Ive always fancied. The thing that stops me saying anything is I'd hate not to have him in my life at all. But if your friend is moving, it will change your friendship / relationship anyway.
Good luck!

Epidote · 26/11/2023 09:38

Why not? If he feels the same could the the beginning of something nice if not he is going to move anyway.

Didimum · 26/11/2023 09:47

I’d tell him but also tell him you support him moving regardless. Go for it and good luck! Update please!

ItIsSleeping · 26/11/2023 09:51

Of course you tell him!

DoubleTime · 26/11/2023 09:53

Tell him how much you are going to miss him. And, if his answer makes you think he has feelings for you too, then tell him. But I would be prepared for holding back, because if he is planning to move 3 hours away perhaps he doesn't see a future together, and I would want to save the friendship.

Original poster
C6H12O6 · 26/11/2023 13:11

Thanks all.

He isn’t definitely taking the job, he’s mulling it over. I’ve told him I would miss him (and called him a twat, because that’s how we roll!) and he said he’d miss me lots if he went as well.

I’m like a lovesick teenager and I’m far too old for that! It’s not like it’s a new thing either. This has been simmering away for 18 months now. He’s just marvellous and I think about him ALL the time. He’s the first person I tell news to, we give each other good advice about lots of aspects of our lives, both romantic and otherwise.

The thought of telling him though 😬

to the poster who asked what it’s like when we’ve had a drink together - non-stop laughter and fun. We have a whale of a time, flirty, arm touching, hair holding when sick etc etc.

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 26/11/2023 13:20

Omg you have GOT to tell him

Do it NOW 😍😍😍😍😍😍

jeaux90 · 26/11/2023 13:23

A wiser woman than me said that your life partner should feel like friendship on fire. She was right. When you find your person you have to go for it I think.