Do you get on with almost everyone? I’d love to hear your tips!

[PaprikaPlease]

I really admire the kind of happy-go-lucky person who gets on with pretty much everyone and doesn’t let annoying people bother them. I do think I’m improving in this area with age!

I know a few people who seem to enjoy drama-free relationships with everyone and never get annoyed with relatives at Christmas! I’ve also picked up a few tips from here over the years - like the ‘oh right’ technique and making deflection into a game. But I’d love to hear more!

I firmly believe life’s too short for aggro and would love to hear any tips for dealing with tricky characters, insensitive people, annoying relatives etc

ETA: I love the ‘I speak my mind’ people too and it may well be healthier long term but I’m not interested in this perspective. I’m fascinated by the ‘live and let live’ people who can keep the peace! Life’s diplomats who sail through drama free

Ps my reason for asking is that they seem so much happier than everyone else! It seems a nicer way to be

I know someone like this. He always assumes the best of people. So if someone says something a bit borderline and I get annoyed he'll say, "oh, I dont think she meant it the way you're taking it." Basically, I know I overreact but he underreacts. If it's at all possible not to take offense he just won't!

I get on with pretty much everyone. It's not that I don't get annoyed by things that people do, but I try to separate their actions from them as a person. I also don't have time or patience for drama so if I sense someone new I've met is a drama type I'll restrict my interactions with them to 'acquaintance'. I pick my friends carefully and invest time in relationships that are reciprocal and fulfilling. I'm also very straight talking, people generally appreciate that and the ones who don't I don't waste my time with.

Interesting question, there isn't anyone in my life that I don't get along with and I'm pretty much always happy. I guess it's because I dont really care, if someone annoys me I just ignore it, you dont have to react, leave them to it

Can you give an example of what kind of thing you're taking about

Just let them. Whatever it is... Let them!

If it helps, although I generally assume the best of people, I've been proved wrong occasionally, and that can be painful. Now and again I envy the "speak my mind" "Tolerate no BS" kind of people, but it is ultimately drama.

Let them be and do what they are, and be grateful when they don't hide their true colours.

Hmm.. I get on with everyone and never argue. BUT people/things do annoy me. If it's something that really affects me, I will respectfully bring it up with them. If it is a minor inconvenience, I just move past it.

I think this is me. I get on well with almost everyone, all my relationships are drama free and I'm always content and positive. DH says I'm very easy to live with!

Funnily enough I don't think I do assume the best of everyone like the poster above says - although I do try to see people in a positive light. In fact I'd say I don't expect too much from people, so I'm not disappointed.

Eg at work if I need to ask for help and no one offers I tend to just say "ah well!" rather than getting cross about people pulling their weight.

It's a nice peaceful way to be.

I'm like this. Positive thinking and don't expect too much, easy going.. it's served me well all my life.
Not to be mistaken for a walkover, I don't allow negative people into my life.

I don’t take things personally, I know very little is actually about me. I bumble along trying not to offend anyone and not taking any notice of anyone else. I just smile at most things, I have a relative who cares too much about other people’s opinions/behaviour/progress and watching them first hand is enough to put me off doing the same.

Be friendly, ask people about themselves, people love to talk about themselves and probably don’t often have the chance.

Keep schtum, if you don’t really know someone then sharing all your thoughts, opinions and gossip will not bode well. I always recommend “what Suzie says about Sally, says more about Suzie than Sally” so stay quiet and watch what others say before gauging their wavelength. Getting on with everyone includes everyone from best friends to casual acquaintances. Knowing who to keep at arms length is half the battle here.

Let go of the drama, people or things never pay rent for your head space so why let them and the chances are……. They are NOT thinking about you! See the first paragraph! It is not about you!

Lastly, just be relaxed, don’t judge, don’t over share, don’t get too invested in people you barely know and just be a good person that other people want to be around. Smile and remember unless you gave birth to them or you’re going to share a bed with them… they don’t really matter!

I seem to get on with most people.
I always look for connections with people and seem to be able to tick along with people that others can't.

People do still annoy me but I get over it quickly. I also tend to treat people how they treat me so I pick up on those who are just polite or want a friendship and so on.

Thanks so much for the responses! I hereby resolve to be more to be more like you peaceful people!

@VisionsOfSplendour one example would be my competitive brother in law last weekend making a comment about our kid being slower to learn something than his kid. It was a fairly mild comment really. I didn’t respond but I felt a bit cross in the car home and it dampened my mood. I’m fine about it now!

A better response might have been to rise above it, remind myself that he loves my kid but he’s insecure because he struggled academically when he was younger and wants more for his kid because he’s a good dad. Plus he was drunk. Or something like that! Basically the more generous interpretation as suggested by someone above. Or some other trick I’ve never learnt! I could have thought the best of him and spared myself 30 mins of irritation.

Wasn’t thinking about my BIL at all when asking this question by the way! Was just the first minor example that came to mind.

Have just always been very impressed by the mindset of people who rise above things.

I would avoid people who made comments like your bil or limit interactions as much as possible, or interact child free, so they can't project their trauma onto your child. Gives you more headspace to give the best of you to those who are more positive.

You can still be nice to people, but be aware 'okay that's that person with that annoying tendancy, expect little from them, smile, be pleasant and move on'.

I disagree that standing up for yourself creates drama. In my experience, it might make an uncomfortable conversation but then you can move on past it and stops the negativity (and most importantly, resentment) building up. I used to let things stew, but now I say things straight away if someone says something offensive/unkind/demanding etc.

I don't find drama in things or come up with made up backstreet, nor play mind games so I just accept people for who they are and don't to do this 'you don't believe the same as me so I cancel you'

So I can't say I get on with everyone all the time but I take people as I find them

Worth remembering you don’t have to LIKE eg relatives

its find to eye roll on the way home at your BILs comment.

i have a SIL whose kids are 10 years older than mine. She’s a SAHM to a uni student and a teen with a lot of household help.

i work nearly full time in a demanding job. She always tells me things are so much more stressful for her. When I had a new born and four year old. Juggling two primary dc and my job when DH travels for work.

i nod and smile and even sympathise when she says this.

afyer she’s gone home we bitch about how ridiculous she is (actually she’s really insecure and envious)

but yes to not taking things personally and / or letting things slide by in the moment.

though sometimes boundaries are needed. My PIL are controlling and over bearing. So I manage visits in advance, stick to formulas that work, remind DH of my / our boundaries ahead of seeing them

ive got them into a routine that works, so I’m ok to let the rest slide by.

with consistency including consequences when they overstepped they have learned not to mess with me

eg cut down our family contact and personally withdrew- they complained to DH saying I was rude - I explained to him that I was upset they had selfishly ignored all three requests I’d made for one visit to us around dates and a little help - fulfilling one would have been enough for me to be ok with it - but none showed me just how selfish they were. I’ve no idea what he said to them but not had a problem since.

some relatives are like training a dog - need firm consistent boundaries and water off a ducks back to drama and manipulation

Don’t confuse being calm with being a pushover or a people pleaser

I get on with everyone. I don't get involved in office politics or family rows. I have a good group of friends I've had for 30 years. My life is drama free. I stay away from people who have drama in their lives.

I would say I’m very similar to @MumOfPsuedoAdult i get on with everyone, so much so that I’ve been living with my ex for 5 years now and we get on well.

I’m very friendly and will chat away to anyone. I’m very interested in differing opinions to mine and I love learning new things which helps when I meet people who are quite different to me. I also don’t judge people. We’ve all got our shit.

However I choose my friends very carefully and it would take you a long time to get to know me as a person.

It comes from within.

If you are content then what other people say and do just really doesn't matter.

Just taking your example;

You have thought about why the BIL felt he needed to make a comparison with your kids, but have you looked at why it irritated you.

So his kid did something quicker big deal one swallow does not a summer make.

People compare kids all the time. It's what they do, people want to be reassured their offspring are not bottom of the heap.

But, and this is how I don't get annoyed at other people, I know what our kids can and can't achieve. It pisses me off when they are lazy, unmotivated because it's a waste and they get the boring parental lectures. But someone else comparing, blah blah water off a duck's back there is nothing I can do (overall of course we are happy to help any of the kids we know if we can) about someone else's child's schooling.

And this is in part how you flip it around. Only put energy into what you can change. Remember and enjoy what you do have. And if you can celebrate other's success.

I mean you can, depending on how your kid gets motivated, our kids could easily take "cousin X did y in 3 days how come it takes us 3 weeks" or to BIL "wow that's great did he practise at home or has he got a teacher he gels with this year". Act interested better still actually become interested. You pick up tips usually. Standing there saying nothing and being irritated on the way home is such a waste.

In short be content with yourself and interested in others. People are fascinating even the ones you don't actually like.

@frozendaisy I like the idea of becoming curious about things. That's a really practical tip for the next time something like this happens. Thank you!

Me! It certainly makes life easier. Obviously there are people that aren't mu cup of tea but I treat everyone the same regardless I'd just avoid spending unnecessary time with these types.

Only issue for me is I have loads of friends but not one close friend- no one I could have a coffee, go to events with or confide in. Not really sure why!

Yeah I get on with almost everyone, cant think of anyone i struggle with (except for on occasion, my own mum lol).

I always think the best of people. Why assume negative motives?

I also have high self esteem, not sure whether that helps and is part of it too?

@Dacadactyl high self esteem/feeling content in yourself definitely seems a factor reading through these comments. As is always thinking the best of people.

nice to see so many patterns here! It feels more achievable for me as a goal now!

I get on with everyone, I’m rarely annoyed by people and I can’t remember the last time I argued with anyone or lost my temper. I’ve been with my partner 3 years and we’ve never had a row and I’ve never been annoyed with him or vice versa. I just have no interest in drama

I’m not one of those people, but my DH is. I would say he’s just really laid back and things just don’t get to him. Your BIL comment, we’d get in the car and I’d be furious and my DH would be “what comment?” I don’t think you can learn that though that’s his personality.

My older sister is a bit the same. Never seems to rock the boat. Sits there when her DH says comments like your BIL.

Im not sure my DH or sister are happier than me though. I think I have much more moments of greater joy and happiness than them. .

I also have much closer friendships. I have a small group 6 people who I know I could ring in the middle of the night and say I need you and they would be there. I’m not sure either of them have that.

I think we focus too much now on “changing” ourselves and searching to be happier. I think sometimes just recognising and “being” with things is good. So yes, your BIL comment was insensitive, but it’s also alright to be cross about it. I wonder in trying to make yourself “happier” you may have the reverse effect - you’ll get cross with yourself for being cross.

So firstly, a lot of people do irritate me, but generally not people I have to hang out with, so it’s not an issue.

I think there are a few things

• I’m not bothered by differences of opinion re things like politics- I genuinely have friends of all political shades. I know some people feel they can’t be friends with people who don’t mirror their values but I don’t feel like that.
• I take people on their positives and just adapt to their negatives. So if someone is a huge laugh on nights out but has had an empathy bypass I just accept that they’re a going out friend and not a “call when your mum’s died” friend.
• I subscribe to “ least said, soonest mended”.
• if all else fails I just vent behind their back. My parents also do this but because they’re a bit deaf they do it way too loudly and I can hear them 🤣🤣