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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you get on with almost everyone? I’d love to hear your tips!

59 replies

PaprikaPlease · 23/11/2023 19:21

I really admire the kind of happy-go-lucky person who gets on with pretty much everyone and doesn’t let annoying people bother them. I do think I’m improving in this area with age!

I know a few people who seem to enjoy drama-free relationships with everyone and never get annoyed with relatives at Christmas! I’ve also picked up a few tips from here over the years - like the ‘oh right’ technique and making deflection into a game. But I’d love to hear more!

I firmly believe life’s too short for aggro and would love to hear any tips for dealing with tricky characters, insensitive people, annoying relatives etc

ETA: I love the ‘I speak my mind’ people too and it may well be healthier long term but I’m not interested in this perspective. I’m fascinated by the ‘live and let live’ people who can keep the peace! Life’s diplomats who sail through drama free

OP posts:
MissTrip82 · 24/11/2023 06:48

I get along with everyone. I’ve never met someone I can’t have a harmonious relationship with. It doesn’t mean I’m never annoyed or that I like everybody. But I prioritise harmony.

I get a lot of perspective from work (I work in an ICU). Essentially - being responsible for resuscitating multiple people at once is a problem. Someone being rude or a bit of a jerk is not.

The older I get the more I see that bad behaviour is often about externalising stress. I’m getting more sympathetic, not less, as I get older. People are struggling with things I can’t even imagine.

I do limit my time with some types where possible. Actually the people I most seek to limit my time with are those who ‘tell it like it is’. I’ve always found them to create a lot of drama and to be happy to dish out home truths but absolutely incapable of dealing with any home truths delivered to them. I can get along with them but prefer to spend my time elsewhere if possible. Same with people who believe themselves to be ‘empaths’ - usually means they’re extremely sensitive to their own feelings but rather less sensitive to anyone else’s. Again, I can get along with them but wouldn’t choose to spend more time with them than necessary.

Crushed23 · 24/11/2023 07:19

I can’t remember where I heard this but someone said “other people’s opinions are none of my business” and I remember thinking that must be a great way to live!

Crushed23 · 24/11/2023 07:24

CostaDelPatio · 23/11/2023 20:00

I don’t take things personally, I know very little is actually about me. I bumble along trying not to offend anyone and not taking any notice of anyone else. I just smile at most things, I have a relative who cares too much about other people’s opinions/behaviour/progress and watching them first hand is enough to put me off doing the same.

Be friendly, ask people about themselves, people love to talk about themselves and probably don’t often have the chance.

Keep schtum, if you don’t really know someone then sharing all your thoughts, opinions and gossip will not bode well. I always recommend “what Suzie says about Sally, says more about Suzie than Sally” so stay quiet and watch what others say before gauging their wavelength. Getting on with everyone includes everyone from best friends to casual acquaintances. Knowing who to keep at arms length is half the battle here.

Let go of the drama, people or things never pay rent for your head space so why let them and the chances are……. They are NOT thinking about you! See the first paragraph! It is not about you!

Lastly, just be relaxed, don’t judge, don’t over share, don’t get too invested in people you barely know and just be a good person that other people want to be around. Smile and remember unless you gave birth to them or you’re going to share a bed with them… they don’t really matter!

Goodness, so much wisdom in one post!

Can you be my life coach please? 😅

SandyWaves · 24/11/2023 07:32

CostaDelPatio · 23/11/2023 20:00

I don’t take things personally, I know very little is actually about me. I bumble along trying not to offend anyone and not taking any notice of anyone else. I just smile at most things, I have a relative who cares too much about other people’s opinions/behaviour/progress and watching them first hand is enough to put me off doing the same.

Be friendly, ask people about themselves, people love to talk about themselves and probably don’t often have the chance.

Keep schtum, if you don’t really know someone then sharing all your thoughts, opinions and gossip will not bode well. I always recommend “what Suzie says about Sally, says more about Suzie than Sally” so stay quiet and watch what others say before gauging their wavelength. Getting on with everyone includes everyone from best friends to casual acquaintances. Knowing who to keep at arms length is half the battle here.

Let go of the drama, people or things never pay rent for your head space so why let them and the chances are……. They are NOT thinking about you! See the first paragraph! It is not about you!

Lastly, just be relaxed, don’t judge, don’t over share, don’t get too invested in people you barely know and just be a good person that other people want to be around. Smile and remember unless you gave birth to them or you’re going to share a bed with them… they don’t really matter!

This is brilliant

Kwasi · 24/11/2023 07:37

We all fuck up and we all have flaws. As long as you accept nobody is perfect, little things won't bother you.

SWSO · 24/11/2023 08:16

Great tips but remember: There is a very thin line between tolerance and abuse .

Christmasspud · 24/11/2023 09:04

Does it serve you to say anything? If not, then remain silent.
Does it serve you to get irritated, annoyed, angry or sad? If not, then send those emotions packing in a little thought bubble.

Grimchmas · 24/11/2023 10:34

rickyrickygrimes · 24/11/2023 06:21

I relate to most of the above. I get on with most people. I don’t get into dramas and arguments. I genuinely like people, and trust them. But I’m also realistic - human nature is what it is after all - so I’m not surprised or shocked when people act in their own interests, at the expense of others.

re. Empathy / being empathic. I don’t think I’m particularly sensitive. I’m definitely of the strong boundaries / toughen up way of thinking. If being empathetic means making the effort to find out what’s going on in a persons life before judging them for their behaviour, then yes I do this (seek first to understand / ask the why question / be curious). but if it means taking on someone’s pain / anger / distress to the point that you, yourself, are hurting - that’s not me and I don’t think it’s helpful. If I can’t be a friend to my friend who’s dying of cancer because I’m weeping and wailing about how tragic it all is, then I’m no help to her.

The challenge of being somebody who is sensitive to other people's stuff is to learn boundaries and self-care, and to be able to dial up and dial down their perceptiveness. It can be done and is very highly important.

I can sit with a friend who is devaststed about a cancer diagnosis and well up in tears of sympathy for her AND still be a supportive friend to her , the two aren't mutually exclusive. I'll also need a strong self-care game and appropriate boundaries with her and other people in my life to be able to support her in an ongoing way without it being detrimental to me - the same as everybody should have.

If anybody is weeping and wailing to the friend about the friend's diagnosis, that's not empathy, that's a self-centered lack of boundaries.

Echobelly · 24/11/2023 10:40

I always assume the best of people, very few people are out to slight, hurt or offend others and I'm totally puzzled by people who seem to read the worst into people's actions every time. I think perhaps those types are scared of 'being taken for granted' if they don't suspect the motives of others but I observe far more people making fools of themselves but reacting with unnecessary negativity than by being too trusting. Eg people starting a row after a misunderstanding rather than hearing the perfectly straightforward explanation of how it happened.

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