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Original poster

Haven't seen my boyfriend in three months?

90 replies

Lulie77777 · 22/11/2023 00:44

Hi Everyone

A bit of backstory for you, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. He has always been a bit emotionally reserved, which I put down to his father being a bit toxically masculine and restricting the emotions his sons were allowed to express...

Anyway, he works in a very busy and stressful job and our schedules are often opposites because he works nights. We always found time to see each other at least once a week, though.

It's now been three months that we haven't seen each other. He texts me everyday, but every time we arrange to meet now he says he's had to work late or something has come up, but he still continues to text. I never text him first, it's always him reaching out.

He claims everything is fine between us, but I'm not finding this fine. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Are we together or aren't we? It's a conversation I want to have in person given our history but it seems we are never going to see each other.

I really love him, what do I do?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 22/11/2023 13:00

Do you live close or able to travel to him?

I would be quite direct with him and say that you are making plans to meet this weekend or it’s over as 3 months of not seeing each other is a bit ridiculous.

My now dh and I had busy jobs with different shifts. It was really difficult to see each other for quite a while but we still managed to make time for each other, even if it was just 45 min coffee catch up. A couple of nights we just met to go to sleep since we were both exhausted but wanted to see each other. If he wants to be with you then he’d make the time!

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/11/2023 13:11

onwardsup4 · 22/11/2023 12:45

Well no she said he contacts her and she never texts first .

Show quote history

Apologies I missed that bit!

MermaidEyes · 22/11/2023 13:17

Why drag it out for another couple of years? He just wants to see how low she will go. She's tolerated seven years of one day a week. Will she allow 3 month breaks with total silence while he's in France with his wife and kids, and he can waltz back? He'll apologize. Cry, maybe. And OP will be drawn back in.

In France with his wife and kids? Did I miss something?!

whynotwhatknot · 22/11/2023 13:27

put its this way when i was with now dh and he lived 200 miles away, i saw him more thanyou see your so called boyfriend

LylaLee · 22/11/2023 13:35

MermaidEyes · 22/11/2023 13:17

Why drag it out for another couple of years? He just wants to see how low she will go. She's tolerated seven years of one day a week. Will she allow 3 month breaks with total silence while he's in France with his wife and kids, and he can waltz back? He'll apologize. Cry, maybe. And OP will be drawn back in.

In France with his wife and kids? Did I miss something?!

I just meant someone away for three months for some reason, like a second home in France.

JFDIYOLO · 22/11/2023 13:47

This isn't a relationship.
This isn't a boyfriend.
He's an occasional penpal.
Get yourself out there - there's lots of guys would be delighted to be with you.

ManchesterLu · 22/11/2023 13:50

He texts, never even calls? That's so odd. Me and DP have only gone 2 days without seeing each other since we got together 6 years ago, and even then we'd phone at the end of the day to catch up and say goodnight.

SamW98 · 22/11/2023 14:32

Unless there’s another Covid lockdown and I missed the memo, what on earth is the reason you’ve not seen each other for 3 months?

That’s not a relationship I’m any way shape or form

AtomicPumpkin · 22/11/2023 14:32

I suspect you've been dumped, but he does not have the guts to tell you.

yellowlane · 22/11/2023 14:53

Doesn't sound like you're in a relationship. He's checked out and ditched you but hasn't got the balls to tell you.

Nowherenew · 22/11/2023 15:06

Do you live together?
If not why not?

If you do live together how come you’ve not seen each other at all?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 22/11/2023 15:10

Oh dear unless he's in the forces and deployed on a submarine you're not in a relationship!
I text friends everyday and even phone for a chat often
How far from you does he live?
You've been" together" for 7 years but 2 of them there were Lockdowns at some points
Sorry he's either in another relationship or not that bothered about you
I'd end it now and find some who cares about you

Cosywintertime · 22/11/2023 15:10

Nowherenew · 22/11/2023 15:06

Do you live together?
If not why not?

If you do live together how come you’ve not seen each other at all?

I think it’s very clear they don’t live together..

Firefly2009 · 22/11/2023 15:12

Submarine or prison

OP I want to know his reaction when you knock on his door and ask him what’s up?

Fmlgirl · 22/11/2023 15:25

You aren’t together anymore basically.

tattygrl · 22/11/2023 15:28

OP this is so difficult to get my head around.

What has your relationship been like these past 7 years? At what point did face to face and phone call contact become so sporadic? Why did it? Has it always been a relationship of only texting? I can't quite get the picture of your relationship so it's hard to advise.

StockpotSoup · 22/11/2023 15:48

Nowherenew · 22/11/2023 15:06

Do you live together?
If not why not?

If you do live together how come you’ve not seen each other at all?

It would have to be one hell of a house to have lived together in it for three months without their paths crossing…

Stravaig · 22/11/2023 15:56

It's now been three months that we haven't seen each other.
I really love him

OP, based solely on the past 3 months, what is it you think you love about him? There is no-one there. You are having a relationship with a mirage.

Couples do sometimes spend months apart; for a specific reason, understood by both parties. It is not randomly imposed at the whim of one person.

Creepy2023 · 22/11/2023 15:57

Some of these responses are overly brutal and judgemental.

You see a load of posts on here from women who live with men, marry them and even have children - while he's busy having an affair.

Creepy2023 · 22/11/2023 15:59

Nowherenew · 22/11/2023 15:06

Do you live together?
If not why not?

If you do live together how come you’ve not seen each other at all?

Clearly they don't live together.

Mari9999 · 22/11/2023 16:00

@Lulie77777
Why are you letting this man decide if you are still in a relationship? Is texting you every day your definition of a relationship?

I would imagine that he has someone who he does see on a regular basis, and you are now his on the side in case that relationship does not work .

Bostonbakedbeans · 22/11/2023 16:01

You're not a priority in his life anymore.
OR
He's a submariner (but then he wouldn't be able to text you)
OR
He's in prison
OR
He got married and forgot to tell you.

Whichever, take the day off work, go to his house and speak to him f2f to find out where you stand.

Daftasabroom · 22/11/2023 16:05

I never text him first, it's always him reaching out.

I'm not sure where to start.......

Lavenderosa · 22/11/2023 16:08

I think he's texting you so he can keep you 'on the back burner' while his main life is with someone else. You're a stand-by not his girlfriend. He sounds married to be honest. I'm sure you know that you deserve much more than this non-relationship so I hope you can start to move in another direction.

Nowherenew · 22/11/2023 16:10

Creepy2023 · 22/11/2023 15:59

Clearly they don't live together.

Show quote history

I thought OP was a particular poster and so I AS her.
She’s not the poster I thought she was but she had been trying for a baby, which is a bit odd if they don’t live together.

So I’m just wondering if they do actually live together but their work shifts are so different, that before she comes home he’s gone to work and then he comes back after she’s left the next morning.

Or if they don’t live together, is that because they were and one moved out again or if he’s just not into committing.

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