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Original poster

Haven't seen my boyfriend in three months?

90 replies

Lulie77777 · 22/11/2023 00:44

Hi Everyone

A bit of backstory for you, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. He has always been a bit emotionally reserved, which I put down to his father being a bit toxically masculine and restricting the emotions his sons were allowed to express...

Anyway, he works in a very busy and stressful job and our schedules are often opposites because he works nights. We always found time to see each other at least once a week, though.

It's now been three months that we haven't seen each other. He texts me everyday, but every time we arrange to meet now he says he's had to work late or something has come up, but he still continues to text. I never text him first, it's always him reaching out.

He claims everything is fine between us, but I'm not finding this fine. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Are we together or aren't we? It's a conversation I want to have in person given our history but it seems we are never going to see each other.

I really love him, what do I do?

Thanks x

OP posts:
howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 22/11/2023 08:32

RandomForest · 22/11/2023 03:07

I wouldn't be calling him a boyfriend, acquaintance maybe.

Grin
Cosywintertime · 22/11/2023 08:44

No op, you are not in a relationship any more. Texting doesn’t make you girlfriend and boy friend.

crumblingschools · 22/11/2023 08:47

Surely after 7 years you would have moved on from just seeing each other once a week

Doggymummar · 22/11/2023 08:50

Is he in prison?joking but that's the only reason I can think of for not seeing you.

C1N1C · 22/11/2023 08:51

Has he ever stayed over? Is it during weekdays or weekends? Sounds like you're a booty call.

Shortpoet · 22/11/2023 08:53

Have you ever met anyone else that knows him? Friends, family?

booboo24 · 22/11/2023 08:53

Oh op....how far away do you live from one another?

3 months is an awfully long time without any form of face to face contact, is he really only ever texting? If so I think this relationship ended a while ago. He isn't that busy 24/7 that he can't squeeze in a facetime everyday, noone in the world is that busy for someone they love.

I'm sorry op I'd call it quits today, release yourself from this non relationship amd find someone who can and wants to give you their time. Don't waste anymore of your life in this one

For context, my fiance and I live 100 miles apart and have been together 9 years, both have very busy and demanding jobs, both have school aged children from our previous marriages, and I'm now caring for my mum who has dementia. We are both quite literally on our knees. We still see each other 1 night a week and every weekend, even though it means him leaving mine at 4am to drive 150 miles for his job the next day. We also facetime most nights even if just for 5 mins to say goodnight. I'm not saying anyone should be doing anything like that, but I'm pointing out that if you want to you find a way to stay connected

HardcoreLadyType · 22/11/2023 09:06

crumblingschools · 22/11/2023 08:47

Surely after 7 years you would have moved on from just seeing each other once a week

Seeing someone one a week might suit lots of people. Not everyone wants to share a household. The OP may have been very happy with her once a week arrangement. But that’s obviously very different to once every 3 months (and maybe not even that).

Wishimaywishimight · 22/11/2023 09:13

You may love him OP but he clearly does not feel the same.

Grab a hold of your dignity and text him. "Let's stop dragging this out and call it a day. All the best, OP".

rainbowstardrops · 22/11/2023 09:17

I'd be wondering if he's got somebody else on the go.
After 7 years together, you should be seeing each other way more regularly.

MerryMidwinter · 22/11/2023 09:20

My OH and I have been together 2 years, we live at least an hour apart and with work, family and other commitments we sometimes dont manage to see each other more than once a week but we do text or speak every day. It's not ideal but it works for us and we trust each other completely.

It doesnt sound like you've got the same level of commitment and reassurance from your partner OP. I'd say you deserve better.

MsRosley · 22/11/2023 09:29

I really love him, what do I do?

Understand that you're being conned. Block him. Seek help to get over your feelings. Get on with your life.

CrushingOnRubies · 22/11/2023 09:40

Unless there's a drip feed and he's in the forces or similar and on deployment.

I don't think you are in a relationship anymore. Sorry

Jewelspun · 22/11/2023 09:45

He's stringing you along.

He phoned you as you are good for emotional support, that's all.

It's not a long distance relationship. He is choosing not to make time for you or see you.

Not seen him for months! Come on, don't be silly! You're worth more than that.

You dump him and find someone who would move heaven and earth if they have a busy schedule, just to see you for an hour.

Cosywintertime · 22/11/2023 11:04

Doggymummar · 22/11/2023 08:50

Is he in prison?joking but that's the only reason I can think of for not seeing you.

I can think of many, he’s met someone else, and is deciding if it’s a go and keeping ghe op hanging on. He’s got a sexually transmitted disease and is in treatment, he’s mentally unwell, he’s too chicken shit to tell her irs over, so is pretending. So so many reasons. None good.

80s · 22/11/2023 11:44

My bf and I have also been together 7 years, living apart and meeting 2x a week when we can; we're in our 50s and not planning to marry/ have children so this suits us well. Maybe you are in a similar situation, OP?

If my bf started claiming that we couldn't meet up for weeks, it would be weird as he's always keen to meet up. (Me too.) I'd ask what was going on and if he said "everything is fine between us" I'd ask if he was feeling at all well; in his normal state of health he'd be apologising for not being a decent bf, without me having to ask anything.

If he continued giving weird excuses I'd take the key to his flat that I obviously have after 7 years and pay him an unannounced visit, expecting to swap our spare keys and end the relationship as I don't like to be taken for a fool.

MadeForThis · 22/11/2023 12:05

If he isn't interested in making the effort to meet up then he isn't interested in the relationship.

HeavenCANTwait · 22/11/2023 12:29

NOT boyfriend if you literally see the bin men more Flowers

NotLactoseFree · 22/11/2023 12:32

This is deeply concerning and suggests that you are not his only partner and certainly not a priority. I assume the fact that you used to see each other weekly means you live relatively local to each other?

I mean, I see random friends more often than that....

Quirkyme · 22/11/2023 12:32

Sack this off. Simple.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/11/2023 12:34

He's broken up with you, he's just not had the balls to say it. He's hoping you'll realise or get fed up and stop contacting him.

StockpotSoup · 22/11/2023 12:35

It sounds to me like he thought of you as someone he was “seeing”, rather than a partner, and was perfectly happy with that. Now he’s either got bored and doesn’t want the hassle of a big end of relationship conversation, or is simply keeping you hanging on as a back-up option. Either way, he isn’t offering you what you want and isn’t going to start now either. If he won’t make the break, you should.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 22/11/2023 12:36

He's married or otherwise fucking someone else. Sorry.

onwardsup4 · 22/11/2023 12:45

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 22/11/2023 12:34

He's broken up with you, he's just not had the balls to say it. He's hoping you'll realise or get fed up and stop contacting him.

Well no she said he contacts her and she never texts first .

Cas112 · 22/11/2023 12:54

He 100% has another relationship somewhere

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