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Original poster

DD left out

75 replies

Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:43

this me being OTT?

Found out last week BIL, SIL and FIL, MIL have booked Disneyland for Xmas. Apparently this was booked about 10 months ago on a deal. Me and DH knew nothing about this.

We found out they are going away and coming back Xmas eve, very late. So they are spending the first few days before xmas in Disney.

The thing is, me and DH have a 3.5 year old. Who has never been to Disney. She loves watching the decorations and parades on the telly. SIL’s x2 kids are 6 and 8 and have been to Disney so many times. we don’t understand why we were not even asked to go?

Everytime I asked MIL what she is doing for Xmas: she doesn’t know or very shifty. I have asked so many times.

I don’t know if I’m being stupid for feeling like this but I feel sorry my little one and feel she’s been totally forgotten about and left out. Not to mention she now won’t be able to see FIL and MIL over xmas now. We had planned to go to their’s xmas eve to exchange presents and saved this day for them.

we would have loved to of gone with them and take DD.

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/11/2023 17:45

That's rubbish to be left out. Any idea why they'd do this? Do they think your dc is too young maybe?

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:47

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese perhaps, I don't know. But she would be fine to go on some of the rides, she even just likes the interaction with the lights (LOVES) Xmas lights, trees and the parades and dancing and music.

Just can't get over MIL lying when I asked what she was doing for Xmas knowing full well the trip was already booked.

OP posts:
TheDogthatDug · 21/11/2023 17:48

What has your DH said?

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/11/2023 17:48

That is awful to lie. Maybe MIL paid for it?

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 21/11/2023 17:48

that's rubbish, Id get your husband to speak to his family.

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:48

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese no apparently SIL and BIL did

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:49

@coffeestrongblacknosugar I have asked him already and he can't do the confrontation

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:49

@TheDogthatDug he has said he didn't know anything about it, I did wonder why he didn't mind me asking to spend Xmas with my parents this year. I'm now thinking maybe he even knew and he kept it from me.

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/11/2023 17:50

It doesn't need to be a confrontation though. Just a polite question adding in you would have been happy to pay for yourselves in case that is the issue.

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:51

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese he may even say that but nothing will come of it. S

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/11/2023 17:52

Is you relationship with them normally good?

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:53

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese it's normally good but not massively close. They are very secretive at times and not really open/ good communicators

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 21/11/2023 17:54

They should have told you, but:
. your DD can still see GPs 'over Christmas' as they are back Christmas eve, can't she? eg 25,26,27,28,29,30,31 Dec?
. You can take your DD to Disney next year

When a group gets too large you start compromising too much, and at 3.5 she will want to do different things from a 6 & 8yo.

Crazycrazylady · 21/11/2023 17:54

Wonder if he knew but declined to go for financial or other reasons and asked them not to tell you? Could ye have afforded it easily?

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:55

@TeenDivided it was more of the fact I feel bad she didn't even get the chance to go, we could have said no but wasn't given the chance. Unfortunately we are busy 25th and 26th which is why we wanted to see them Xmas eve

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:56

@Crazycrazylady I thought that but SIL would have told me. Financially we could have done it

OP posts:
sunflowertime · 21/11/2023 17:58

If you've got the money

Book it now and go yourselves. If not book it for next year when your little one will be able to go on more rides

Mari9999 · 21/11/2023 18:00

@Melly1991
Perhaps they wanted this trip to be an adult trip. Is there any reason why you and your husband cannot plan a Disney trip with your daughter? Certainly, Disney is going to be there for a long while.

You and your husband were prepared not told because they did not wish to be in the position of telling you that they wanted this trip to be child free. The trip may also be a Xmas gift to the in-laws from BIL and SIL There could be any number of valid reasons for not sharing the information, and certainly you can take DD on a trip to Disney at your convenience.

Really nothing is lost by their pre Xmas trip to Disney.

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:01

@sunflowertime we are going to book next year

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:02

@Mari9999 it's the secrecy of it more than anything. The trip is not child free they have a 6 and 7/8 year old going

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 21/11/2023 18:02

Its crap that it wasnt mentioned, especially if you all usually get on. However, if you really feel like your DD is missing out and you'd all love it, why don't you arrange a visit yourselves sometime? They are not responsible or blocking your DD's happiness as such.
Perhaps finances are a factor here? If your SIL and BIL are paying for your PIL, and it was their idea, do they perhaps imagine you'd struggle to afford it?
Are you close to your SIL & BIL? If you are, it's strange, if not, it's understandable. So it depends what the dynamic is like between you.

friendsfiend · 21/11/2023 18:05

Do you usually go on holiday with the in-laws? How do you get on with them?

Not telling you is a bit odd but I'm not sure why they need to invite you on their family holiday?

caringcarer · 21/11/2023 18:06

If your BiL and SiL paid for themselves maybe you could take your DD another time and pay for yourself. It's odd they didn't mention it but I can only assume they didn't want your family to go with them. Maybe they thought your DC was too young.

SkyFullofStars1975 · 21/11/2023 18:12

What a mad time to travel - they'll have a shit christmas day with jetlag.

I'd take the higher ground and just plan an amazing time without them.

11plusdoneanddusted · 21/11/2023 18:15

They probably shouldn't have kept in a secret but I don't see why they should have invited you and your DD. Maybe they just wanted a trip with their children. All the big family groups at Disney always look like a nightmare. Too many people all wanting different things. A three year old is going to want to do very different things to an 8 year old.