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Original poster

DD left out

75 replies

Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:43

this me being OTT?

Found out last week BIL, SIL and FIL, MIL have booked Disneyland for Xmas. Apparently this was booked about 10 months ago on a deal. Me and DH knew nothing about this.

We found out they are going away and coming back Xmas eve, very late. So they are spending the first few days before xmas in Disney.

The thing is, me and DH have a 3.5 year old. Who has never been to Disney. She loves watching the decorations and parades on the telly. SIL’s x2 kids are 6 and 8 and have been to Disney so many times. we don’t understand why we were not even asked to go?

Everytime I asked MIL what she is doing for Xmas: she doesn’t know or very shifty. I have asked so many times.

I don’t know if I’m being stupid for feeling like this but I feel sorry my little one and feel she’s been totally forgotten about and left out. Not to mention she now won’t be able to see FIL and MIL over xmas now. We had planned to go to their’s xmas eve to exchange presents and saved this day for them.

we would have loved to of gone with them and take DD.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 21/11/2023 18:16

11plusdoneanddusted · 21/11/2023 18:15

They probably shouldn't have kept in a secret but I don't see why they should have invited you and your DD. Maybe they just wanted a trip with their children. All the big family groups at Disney always look like a nightmare. Too many people all wanting different things. A three year old is going to want to do very different things to an 8 year old.

Agree.

whatsthatoverthere · 21/11/2023 18:19

Yes but they can all go off and do separate things and then meet back up for dinner in the evening, meet for breakfast sort of thing etc. I think it is shitty to hide it from you rather than saying we won't be available on X days due to booking it.

friendsfiend · 21/11/2023 18:22

whatsthatoverthere · 21/11/2023 18:19

Yes but they can all go off and do separate things and then meet back up for dinner in the evening, meet for breakfast sort of thing etc. I think it is shitty to hide it from you rather than saying we won't be available on X days due to booking it.

I wonder if there's a history of the OP and family inviting themselves along to stuff.

On previous threads we've seen advice given about not giving too much away to pushy friends and relatives.

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:23

@friendsfiend FIL and MIL are going with them

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:24

Totally agree @11plusdoneanddusted but if they wanted a family holiday on their own im unsure why they invited FIL and MIL

OP posts:
whatsthatoverthere · 21/11/2023 18:24

@friendsfiend very true. It might just be that a daughter wanted to spend time with her Mum and Dad. I know that myself and my siblings have all done days out or short holidays with our parents. No one feels left out though and I think that is the difference here maybe.

Thegoodbadandugly · 21/11/2023 18:24

Not read through all the posts, why not book yourself a holiday there when they are there? That way your child will get the experience.

TotalOverhaul · 21/11/2023 18:24

Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 17:55

@TeenDivided it was more of the fact I feel bad she didn't even get the chance to go, we could have said no but wasn't given the chance. Unfortunately we are busy 25th and 26th which is why we wanted to see them Xmas eve

If it's any consolation, Disney is so expensive, it really is worth waiting until they are old enough to enjoy it. In another year she will be over the moon at Disney but at this age, so much of it will pass her by. It is tiring for younger children being in the park all day long.

Abouttoblow · 21/11/2023 18:25

11plusdoneanddusted · 21/11/2023 18:15

They probably shouldn't have kept in a secret but I don't see why they should have invited you and your DD. Maybe they just wanted a trip with their children. All the big family groups at Disney always look like a nightmare. Too many people all wanting different things. A three year old is going to want to do very different things to an 8 year old.

"A trip with their children?"

They are going with one of their children and two of their grandchildren.

And leaving out their other child and grandchild.

friendsfiend · 21/11/2023 18:26

Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:23

@friendsfiend FIL and MIL are going with them

I'm aware of that. I still don't know why the invite needs to be extended to you though.

NerrSnerr · 21/11/2023 18:27

If you're worried about your daughter getting the chance to go to Disney then book it yourself. If you go while she's still small it'll be easier without extended family as you'll be able to be on your own schedule.

Barbie222 · 21/11/2023 18:29

If SIL and BIL paid for the trip, isn't this about them taking their nuclear family plus GPs? I don't think I would have invited my siblings along in that situation, having a young toddler there changes the dynamic and the rides you can all get on not to mention the cost of Disney at Xmas. I might be missing something but why do you feel you should have been invited along with another family's holiday?

Barbie222 · 21/11/2023 18:30

Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:24

Totally agree @11plusdoneanddusted but if they wanted a family holiday on their own im unsure why they invited FIL and MIL

It's perfectly clear to me and others?

Isometimeswonder · 21/11/2023 18:31

Maybe they didn't want you there! Sorry. But perhaps your inlaws just wanted to be with their parents.

Nousernamesleftatall · 21/11/2023 18:31

I don’t see the issue. BIL and his wife go to Disney often. This time they offered to pay for his parents to join them. It’s got nothing to do with you really.

CrimsonPig · 21/11/2023 18:35

Could you have definitely paid for yourselves?

Are your DH and SIL the only siblings?

Is your DC well behaved?

ohdamnitjanet · 21/11/2023 18:36

friendsfiend · 21/11/2023 18:26

I'm aware of that. I still don't know why the invite needs to be extended to you though.

Show quote history

Because they are going with one adult child and haven’t invited the other, not to mention keeping it secret. There’s not a cats chance in hell I’d deliberately exclude one of my children on a holiday like this, I’d rather not go then leave one behind.

Quartz2208 · 21/11/2023 18:37

I don’t see the issue either they go a lot (I assume Paris as you saidDisneyland so no jet lag) they asked their parents to come as well and made sure would be back for Christmas, the fact you can only do Christmas Eve isn’t ion them.

your SiL and bil presumably wanted your in laws and didn’t want you to come and that is fine as long as if you ever decided to do the same they won’t complain

the not telling you is an issue but maybe they were worried about how you would react

Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:41

We've booked next year

OP posts:
Original poster
Melly1991 · 21/11/2023 18:42

My DD is very well behaved

OP posts:
11plusdoneanddusted · 21/11/2023 19:04

@ohdamnitjanet - but they're not just taking one of their children. Assuming you're talking about the Pil, they're being taken.
If I took my children on holiday and invited my parents why should I invite my brother and his children as well? If he took his kids and invited my parents why should he invite me as well.
Same with DHs parents.

The issue seems to be the keeping it secret but maybe they felt they had to otherwise the OP would just invite her family along.

NerrSnerr · 21/11/2023 19:18

I'm guessing that the reason they didn't tell the OP is because they didn't want any drama. The fact that the husband can't talk to his family without confrontation and the OP has had to moan on here already suggests that there would have been more drama if they knew earlier.

wowsers6 · 21/11/2023 19:31

BIL and SIL wanted a family holiday for their two kids, 6 and 8, where they could do whatever they want. They also decided to invite their parents along, likely on the understand that the GPs will of course be doing whatever is dictated by what the 6 and 8 year old want.

It's entirely unmalicious for them to want their nuclear family holiday to remain just that. This is not unusual behaviour, this is standard.

It might also be that they even wanted to invite you, but then realised that having another family along and especially with a three year old would mean they would keep having to make compromises. As you say, Disney is expensive. Nobody wants to book an expensive trip that they then have to spend compromising which activities they do because they didn't have the foresight to keep it to just their nuclear family and grandparents.

11plusdoneanddusted · 21/11/2023 19:31

@Abouttoblow - I meant the parents of the young children who are actually paying for the trip.

Maybe they don't want to queue up for 2 hours ( probably 3 at Xmas) so their 3 year old niece can meet Cinderella. Maybe they'd prefer to go on a rollercoaster that she can't etc.

I can't see why on earth they all have to go on holiday together.

TravellingT · 21/11/2023 19:51

Your child is much younger than the other children though, they probably just want to go as a smaller group with 2 children of a similar age. Your DD would be left out of everything anyway as 3yo is not much fun at disney