Boyfriend demands we have sex every 3 days

[WilyOdysseus]

This is a long, on-going, in-depth one but I will start with the most important information; My boyfriend and I have been together 12 whole years (we started dating when we were 16). The past year or so we have had huge problems in regards to how much he wants to have sex. He says he “needs” to have sex at least every 3 days (or twice a week) in order for him to not be angry or resentful of me. The pressure and quota he has put on this has made me want to have sex way less, as he is usually pestering me, angry with me, or being passive aggressive with me if we have gone longer than 3-5 days. Still, we usually have sex at least once a week.

We have ALWAYS had sex once a week, sometimes two, and occasionally 3 times a week. This has been the norm for our whole entire relationship. I would say the average is every 5-7 days for us. The lowest is once every 10 days because of illness or if I am on my period or whatever. At first he would just sulk when I said no, then he would become angry or ignore me. Several times he would ruin whole entire dates or days we had alone together if his early suggestion of sex was not met with me emphatically saying “YES!” At the early suggestion.

Another fact, he doesn’t live with me by his own choice. He lives with his mom (we are 29 now) I have begged him for years to move in with me, or make some sort of commitment to our relationship for over a decade now and he has never made any attempt at moving out of his moms house. So now, after a year of this ongoing conversation of him being pissy when we dont have sex every 3 days, he has started to say to me things such as “The reason I never moved in with you is because we aren’t having sex as much as I want to, i just never told you that was the reason, or that that was never enough for me” then implies he wont forward our relationship if he cant be sure we will have sex as much as he wants to. He is absolutely sure that he cant function normally if we only have sex every 5-7 days and always mentions that “a lot of people have sex every other day, why is it such a big deal to you to just have sex with me every 3 days” He also says that he cant live with me if he doesn’t have sex often because being around me just makes him tooooo damn horny, and that he would rather never have sex with me than have sex with me once a week because that one times “makes my body think i will get it everyday”…. Ehh….. idk its even more confusing than that but I will at least start with that.

Im having a hard time conveying to him that his actions are hurting me and make me feel like a sex doll. Even more, make me not want to be around him because I know I will be constantly pestered or guilt tripped. I have put SO much of my life on the line to be in a relationship with him, but I have no idea how to get him to see how hurtful he is being. I also dont know if its normal for me to just have sex with him when i dont want to just in the hopes that he will want to move in and actually be in a real functioning relationship with me. Or he is just a loss and I should try to move on from the 10 years of effort I’ve put into him.

Having read all your posts I'm starting to think that YOU are the guy (incel/ bastard) who wants sex all the fucking time. If do, you need to grow up and show more respect.

If I am wrong, then while you have explained in detail what you have done you have totally failed to provide any examples of him loving you. Probably because he doesn't.

What do you say? You say "I don't want sex with you all the time. I want to be shown affection and respect. I want more from you than a booty call and I will not accept displays of bad temper from you." If that fails to yield the required response " Fuck off to the ither side of fuck" should suffice.

The man described here is a malignant incel and the woman needs to find herself someone who can show her affection and the respect she deserves. Prostitutes are treated better than her.

I had cancer most of my friends who have had cancer all day their partners became more caring and considerate of feelings and were so worried about hurting their partner they stepped back to cuddles reassurance and cooking not demanding sex

DH and I haven't had sex for around 10 months now. Ds2 was born January. Between not sleeping more than 2ish hours in a row, breastfeeding, pregnancy, and overstimulation from 2 small children , I don't want sex. From anyone. My celebrity crush could walk in and I'd be like nah thanks.

This happened first time round too, my sex drive came back as normal as breastfeeding decreased and we had regular sex again. So neither of us are worried. DH has never ever pressured me, never made a comment, we spend time together, cuddle, kiss still. he's never made me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He's old enough to take care of himself in this temporary dry phase.

Your oh is sexally abusive, op. Leave.

Thank you for all the posts! I appreciate it. I didn’t expect this much traffic. I still am not sure exactly what I am going to do as I am still stuck in a loop of being super (even though ridiculous) in love with him. However, I do understand now that I probably dont want to have children with someone like this. It is the only relationship I’ve ever been in and I have a lot of feelings of not thinking that anyone will ever love me, and that if they do it will just be the same thing, and even then I’m going to be too old to start a family by then… but I guess I wouldn’t want a family with someone who coerces me regardless…. Thank you guys! You’ve set my confused head a little more straight.

You're a fool to continue anything with this awful man op. Break free and start afresh.

End this relationship, he’s abusing you.Sulking, gaslighting, the silent treatment = Abuse.
He’s a sex pest. He’s using you as convenience, he doesn’t want to move in, that will mean he has to put the effort in to maintain the semblance of a proper grown up relationship. Instead he turns up every three days expecting you to fall for his pathetic manipulation. And then once you’ve serviced him he runs home to mummy.
Fact of life, His balls wont turn black and explode if he doesn’t have sex. Funny how we never hear of naval crews or offshore workers being helicoptered off ships after month away at sea because of exploding genitalia.
My DH’s balls are testimony to this.
Dont marry him or let him move in. Don’t have children with him! End it and find someone who deserves you.At 29 your life is ahead of you. Don’t waste on this man.

I’m glad to hear that most of your friends who’ve had cancer their partners have stepped up. Sadly, statistically a large number of men in particular are more likely to leave their partners when they suffer a serious illness. I think (know) its a question everyone should ask themselves before they take someone else’s investment in them “Am I in this through everthing, even the very worst that could happen. Could I really care for this person in sickness and in health and put my own needs completely to one side” if the answer is no, they should not be with that person.

When I was ill with chronic pelvic pain my husband was loving and caring. That’s what being truly loved looks like.

How do you think OP's boyfriend could approach this better?

You can't make someone love/respect you
You can't change someone.

You can try convince yourself he's not that bad but he is.

You are young, you don't have children with him. WTF would you put up with the way he treats you?

😂😂😂😂

sounds like to him you are just a walking vagina...

I can assure you I am not. I am an almost 30 year old very confused woman who has been with one man her whole entire life haha. I have explained to him that the way he acts makes me feel like a sex doll and not very respected and it never goes very well. He gets offended and angry when I tell him that that’s how he makes me feel. I also tell him I think his anger and manipulative behaviors towards me are unacceptable and he just tells me he “cant help it when (he) gets horny” Just trying to see if there is something I can salvage or a way I can explain it better to him to make him understand.

What is it with all these revolting sex pest men I keep hearing about on here? Dump him immediately and for fucks sake, don’t have children with that tosser. I’ve got the rage from reading about him pestering you for sex when you were recovering from ovarian cancer. Read it back and give yourself a slap if you try to make excuses for him. He’s a prick, don’t ever sleep with him again.

You met him as a child he's still the spoiled little boy you showered him with affection but what has he given you? he does not even care when you were ill he belittles you and blackmails you. He doesn't want to live with you (thank god) what makes you think he wants children .....and god he would be worse then wanting sex the minute you've given birth. Be a single adult woman for the first time and realise you don't need to be his toy.

For gods sake don't make a baby with this man. He won't even commit to you after 12 years, excuses that by saying "not enough sex" so what the hell makes you think he'll commit to being a good dad?

And let's see, reasons sex won't happen with kids in the mix

Pregnancy

Morning sickness for weeks and weeks!
Sore boobs
Change in body
Uncomfortable
Possible cervix issues

Then after birth

Blood, so much blood!
Sore
Maybe torn or grazed
Medical suggestions of no sex for 6 weeks
Cracked, bleeding nipples
Sore boobs
Leaky boobs
Exhaustion
PND
Touched out
Baby permanently attached to you

Toddlers

No sleep
Touched out
Exhausted
Lack of privacy
Sick bugs

I mean, the list goes on. Decent, loving couples make it work. There is understanding that at times there will be plenty of sex, other times there will be no sex..but that is life!!

He can't even let go of Mummy's apron strings, how the he'll will he cope with a baby AND no sex??

Is this how you want to live?
You won't change him. This is what he thinks your purpose is and he is outraged that you care to sometimes not want sex.
He is treating you with contempt

I really beg you to leave this guy. Don’t delay. It will be painful, but I promise you there is better for you than him. If you stay and possibly have children, you will forever be tied to him. Please put yourself first. He won’t get any better.

12 years of this??

@Redrose23 having an active exciting sex life is utterly different to being pestered and pressured for sex by an immature man child.

he didn't just express a desire for more intimacy. he acts like its his right and she is in the wrong for not 'complying' and fulfilling his needs. he is a selfish prick. it's a big turn off for most women

having basic standards of expecting to be treated with respect and supporting other women to do the same is not being bitter.

You're what, 28? 29?

You have plenty of time to date other people and find a better guy to have a family with.

If you stay with him another 6 or 7 years you'll be cutting it fine though.

He is a misogynistic, bullying neanderthal

OP every single person on this thread thinks that this 'mans' behaviour is unacceptable. Are you very very naive? Do you know that after a Section sometimes its painful to walk or pee or shit, let alone him getting his quota?? When you say you are 'super in love' with him, what does this even mean? What does he do in the 'relationship' other than live with Mummy and fuck you when he likes?

If you’ve been with someone for a long time and since you were young, it’s difficult to conceptualise a different future than the track you thought you were on.

But it sounds as if you desperately need to get off this current life path, ideally pretty quickly.

I don’t think many kids would want a man like this as a parent. Better to not have him move in with you, split up with him and see what life path you end up on after that.

And you still think he's a god? Most women struggle to have a shit sex is no where on the average woman's agenda after baby it's sleep and more sleep ask him to shit a football and see if he wants something stuck up there. Jesus you must be a wind up.

Please think about how you would react if your friend wrote this down about their "D"P and let you read it - I'm sure you would tell them to get the hell out, and that's exactly what you should do.

He's coercive, abusive and a fundamental prick - please believe that you are better than this!!!!