So I will preface this by saying I am neurodivergent (autism and possible adhd) so I struggle with peoples intentions massively and would say I’m probably easily manipulated and tend to overlook red flags. I was in a 4 year long emotionally abusive relationship between 2012-2016.
My current boyfriend of one year doesn’t seem to like me talking to men. I have recently started a new job after working remotely for a year, and 80% of my colleagues are male, this doesn’t bother me at all. They’ve all been kind to me and all seem fine but like I mentioned I struggle with peoples intentions sometimes so maybe I’m being naive.
ANY time I mention anyone from work, my boyfriend says they’re weird or he doesn’t like them, or he doesn’t trust them, or he thinks they fancy me. One of the lads I work with would often sit in the reception area that I work in after his shift and chat to me for an hour before his bus arrives. I didn’t think anything of it, he was waiting for his bus, he was from a different country so he’d tell me about his life back there which was interesting and it was all just normal chit chat. My boyfriend hated it and didn’t trust him and said it was odd. The lad from work ended up leaving and I found out he did have a bit of a thing for me, something I was absolutely oblivious to and would NEVER reciprocate because I have a boyfriend. I told my boyfriend just in passing and I regretted it instantly, it reaffirmed everything he thought. I didn’t say it to upset him I just said it because I was shocked, which maybe was insensitive to my boyfriend :(
But he now makes me feel uncomfortable every time I mention ANYONE from work, which is hard because I only have one female colleague I see daily and we swap shifts when I come in so I don’t spend much time with her. We recently had a massive argument, I asked him if he’d prefer if I didn’t mention anyone at work because I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
He flew off the handle saying I was accusing him of being controlling, accusing him of not letting me speak to people, accusing me of saying he was an awful person for trying to say what I can and can’t do and I honestly wasn’t trying to do that :( I just asked because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t upsetting him, sometimes my autism means things I say get taken the wrong way so I don’t know if I came across wrong :( but all I said was literally ‘Do you want me to not mention anything about my work? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by talking about it’.
He has just reignited the argument because last night another colleague I was chatting to was talking about dr*gs being rife in the industry were in (c0ke mostly) and in jest he offered me some. I declined and said no thank you not for me and that was the end of it, the lad said I don’t blame you it’s bad for you, conversation moved on to something else. I had mentioned it to my boyfriend which again maybe I was being insensitive without realising, but he’s absolutely flew off again, saying he can’t handle men coercing me to drugs and how I don’t let him be angry at things and he might as well not say anything to me because he can’t have an opinion.
Im just feeling so deflated :( I obviously didn’t take up the offer, I don’t think the lad at work was being serious either. My partner has told me multiple times about his friend group offering him dr*gs when they’re out, and occasionally he has taken them. I’ve never said anything because although it’s not something I’d do, I can’t tell him what he can and can’t do. I’ve tried to explain myself and sent a reply apologising but I’m terrified for his reply. He often gets defensive and puts words in my mouth, and pushes me until I bite back and it’s all very stressful :(
I don’t know what else I can do other than not speak to the people at work, I’ve told him this and he again says I’m accusing him of being controlling and says he’s never told me I can’t stop speaking to them which he hasn’t ever said, but every time I do speak to them he doesn’t like it so i feel like I can’t.
AIBU? Please can someone give an outsiders opinion.