Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH asked for ‘relief’

83 replies

Disappointeddotcom · 18/11/2023 23:09

Hi
earlier today my husband sent me a message that basically said can you come upstairs I’ve got a hard on that needs sorting! How would you respond to that?

OP posts:
Hearmenow23 · 19/11/2023 04:52

If I could be bothered I would, if I couldn't I wouldn't. I'd still send him a nice/funny message back.

CubaLibre23 · 19/11/2023 05:04

How nice that he thinks you're the household sex robot/servant.

LubaLuca · 19/11/2023 06:46

This wouldn't bother me, and I'm not a cool wife who's happy to meet his every need. I like directness. I've been guilty of asking my husband to sort me out at random times, and vice versa. At least I'm thinking of him when I'm in the mood, and I'm not bothered if he doesn't want to drop everything every time.

emmetgirl · 19/11/2023 07:14

I'd be up there helping him out!

Baneofmyexistence · 19/11/2023 07:36

This depends entirely on the rest of your relationship. I wouldn’t mind because I know how my husband would mean it, that kind of directness turns me on and I know it would be reciprocated! If he generally treats you like his skivvy then no, I wouldn’t like it.

TheDisgustingBrothers · 19/11/2023 07:45

CubaLibre23 · 19/11/2023 05:04

How nice that he thinks you're the household sex robot/servant.

Or he fancies his wife, wants to know she fancies him and wants to initiate sex which is totally normal for a healthy relationship 🙃

Luckydog7 · 19/11/2023 07:52

Oh and I use this kind of direct language so it would be fine with me and he usually does his husbandly duty first. Also only asks at convenient times (kids out) so it isn't a problem.

PermanentTemporary · 19/11/2023 07:54

What @Baneofmyexistence said.

This would be hot to me and I'd be up there soonest.

Coconutter24 · 19/11/2023 08:04

Disappointeddotcom · 18/11/2023 23:09

Hi
earlier today my husband sent me a message that basically said can you come upstairs I’ve got a hard on that needs sorting! How would you respond to that?

How did you respond?

harerunner · 19/11/2023 08:06

It's easy to see who has good, healthy relationships, and those who don't, from these posts....

And in case it's not clear, it's the ones which imply the DH is treating his DW as a sex robot or similar that are the ones that don't.

Starsalign · 19/11/2023 08:17

It depends, I'd find it as an awkward attempt at sexy talk and would go up if I was in the mood or send something playful back. Weirdly though I actually fancy my husband, he treats me well as a person and we have a decent sex life so I wouldn't think anything untoward or gross about it. I know he'd also respect if I didn't want to!

QueSyrahSyrah · 19/11/2023 08:24

Context is everything! I love and fancy my husband and don't feel pestered by him, so if the timing was right and I was in the mood I'd go help him out.

If it wasn't or I wasn't, I wouldn't, and he'd be fine with that and either crack on alone or postpone and come help with whatever was occupying my time.

KissTheRains · 19/11/2023 08:33

I think the bare minimum I'd expect from someone that supposedly loves me and wants me and is desperate to show how much they fancy me etc is to make the minimum possible effort of coming downstairs to me in person. Maybe giving me a hug, kissing me, brushing my hair from my face.. etc.

Texting what OP said is about as romantic and gusset moistening as a bloke in his socks with a morning hard on suggesting its a "shame to waste it"

Like saying,
"I'm gonna have a wank, unless you want to do it, save me the hassle"

But I expect too much I suppose, probably why I'm never having a partner again.

Starsalign · 19/11/2023 08:40

KissTheRains · 19/11/2023 08:33

I think the bare minimum I'd expect from someone that supposedly loves me and wants me and is desperate to show how much they fancy me etc is to make the minimum possible effort of coming downstairs to me in person. Maybe giving me a hug, kissing me, brushing my hair from my face.. etc.

Texting what OP said is about as romantic and gusset moistening as a bloke in his socks with a morning hard on suggesting its a "shame to waste it"

Like saying,
"I'm gonna have a wank, unless you want to do it, save me the hassle"

But I expect too much I suppose, probably why I'm never having a partner again.

Well it depends doesn't it. If the only time a man shows any affections or initiates intimacy is via text that's wildly different to a man who for a change when feeling playful sends a text like this. As part of a healthy, enjoyable, respectful and 'equal' sex life I don't see the issue.

Rewis · 19/11/2023 08:51

I've sent just the aubergine emoji and he's run upstairs. If he sent me this, I'm pretty sure I'd go upstairs to take care of it.

QueSyrahSyrah · 19/11/2023 08:54

@KissTheRains Not everything has to be breathtakingly romantic in a healthy and consensual relationship though. I'd fast die of boredom if every encounter with my Husband was like something from a Mills & Boon novel. That's fine on some occasions, but on others I like some Fifty Shades style mixed in.

category12 · 19/11/2023 09:00

Yeah, it's all in the context, isn't it?

In a happy relationship, it's a fun sexy silly message, that would be received as such.

In a strained or abusive relationship, it's an arsehole thing to say.

gannett · 19/11/2023 09:04

I suppose this is dependent on context. I fancy DP and enjoy shagging him so I'd probably take him up on the invite (though I'd also be amused as it'd be quite out of character). But I wouldn't feel pressured if I was tired or busy or not in the mood, because he doesn't pester me and would respect that.

If this is part of a pattern of the OP's husband pestering or being entitled to sex that's a larger problem. If she doesn't actually fancy him that'd also be a larger problem. I'd be confused how you ended up actually marrying him in the first place, in either scenario.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 19/11/2023 09:05

@Disappointeddotcom are you going to tell us how you reacted and why you posted?
Seems that a majority of women who are in happy relationships wouldn't have an issue.
Are you ok? Did you/do you feel compelled by your partner to have sex you don't want?

gannett · 19/11/2023 09:06

justalittlesnoel · 18/11/2023 23:11

Tell him I was on my way with a heavy book to play whack a mole.

Really quite disturbing that posts like this, the cleaver one and the ice water one are seen as hilarious jokes. Sexual violence, how amusing! Is the concept of enjoying sex with your partner that far-fetched?

KissTheRains · 19/11/2023 09:07

category12 · 19/11/2023 09:00

Yeah, it's all in the context, isn't it?

In a happy relationship, it's a fun sexy silly message, that would be received as such.

In a strained or abusive relationship, it's an arsehole thing to say.

I think seeing as OP was driven to create a thread on MN about it, I automatically see it as the latter rather than the former.

I suppose that's a failing as much as assuming anything about the relationship without more information.

category12 · 19/11/2023 09:12

KissTheRains · 19/11/2023 09:07

I think seeing as OP was driven to create a thread on MN about it, I automatically see it as the latter rather than the former.

I suppose that's a failing as much as assuming anything about the relationship without more information.

Show quote history

Yep, inclined to agree. Not really a thread you'd start if you were happy.

Lemmoella · 19/11/2023 09:12

SwordToFlamethrower · 18/11/2023 23:29

My husband never does anything like this (85% of sex is initiated by me) so I'd be smashing the bedroom door down and cracking my knuckles, "LET'S DO THIS, SEXY PANTS!"

(I just want to make it clear, we have very similar sex drives, but for reasons, he leaves the initiating to me)

Same here 😂
I do sometimes ask to sit on his face randomly - I like seeing his face do this 😲🫢

It would depend on the context. I would hate this if it was midday with the kids needing feeding, and he’s been letching on me when I am clearly not in the mood and no help around the house. But if it was Saturday night and I was just watching TV I would consider it

VerityUnreasonble · 19/11/2023 09:13

I would reply "oh fuck, have your hands fallen off???"

And then depending on if I was in the mood I'd go join him. If I wasn't in the mood I'd leave him to it.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/11/2023 10:52

Context is everything

i loved it when my ex did this as we didn’t live together ! So cue sexy texts me driving over etc
good sex yada yada 🚀

but if you live in domestic misery and argue 24/7 …

but at the end of the day surely you’d prefer he comes to you with his hard on ?

Swipe left for the next trending thread