Ghosted for that?

[Swedishfish999]

Sorry to post I’m just sick of questioning my self worth so would like some opinions if poss plz

I was talking to someone for a month, we had met btw the energy was so great it freaked me out a little bit at first. I left early from our job and I was waiting for him to return, we were talking all the while, and planned to meet back up (we still live in different countries but it's only an hour flight which I was excited to make). The morning after he got back I genuinely accidentally ufollowed him (and a female friend too actually) on Instagram as I was whizzing down tapping away unfollowing people. as quick as it came up I'd unfollowed i refollowed and didn't message him because I thought it wouldn't be a big deal however I didn't hear from him so I started to panic and sent a sorry about that message two days later and since then, l've been left on seen. It’s been 4 WEEKS! He went almost silent on instagram for 2 weeks (I went silent also because I didn’t want to post purely to try and get a reaction out of him) If that was the other way round I wouldn't just been like haha have you only just followed me "has it made him angry? sad? Bruised his ego? Made him think "so I've been hyping you up and you didn't even follow me"

Does it really warrant him ghosting me so coldly I like him sooooo much why would I risk doing that AND…if he was THAT mad why didn't he just unfollow me? when we stopped speaking I deleted my WhatsApp messages on the chat because it hurt too much reading them back💔I'm not hurting as much as I was but it's still constantly niggling away at me And I know it's silly to read into the story viewing but the day before this happened and all the other days he was always first viewer replying, seeing a picture on insta then going over to WhatsApp and messaging "you really are so beautiful" etc since he's barely viewed (i think im muted as he seems to only view them if he’s got a story up and i view it) them so he must've made a conscious effort to not look for some reason? Ugh can't help but feel in my gut I've ruined something that might've been good Can I have some opinions on this plz?

also I know it’s really shallow and stupid but I can’t help but think will he now think I’m ugly 🥹🤍🥹

so to cut a long story short would you ghost someone for accidently unfollowing you or would you be an adult and reply. Should also add he has majorrrrr trust issues so he probably thought it was a lie xx

And I know it's silly to read into the story viewing but the day before this happened and all the other days he was always first viewer replying, seeing a picture on insta then going over to WhatsApp and messaging "you really are so beautiful" etc

Probably just me but I went off him with the repeated you really are so beautiful comments. Looks are obviously important for chemistry but I'd rather have a partner who is with me for my personality than focusing on my looks. I appreciate I'm the exception but it gives me the ick and reminds me of a time when men wanted a pretty wife who did their housework.

I know it's hard but you're overthinking the Instagram thing. How do you know if someone has unfollowed you (lack of comments aside)? He really doesn't sound worth it, particularly given the long distance, and I think you've had a lucky escape from a controlling and unpleasant man.

Jesus. All this social media but no actual communication. Save yourself the heartache. He sounds awful and immature. Walk away. Don’t even plan any big ghosting revenge. Don’t give him any of your headspace. You said your 1 hour plans journey away. This is a blessing.

A few night into knowing him he was screaming in my face asking if I kissed someone (I didnt) and asking me if back home if I speak to new guys EVERYDAY!

Call me crazy but I thought I could fix him

What the actual fuck am I reading???!!!

Stay single and go to therapy for as long as it takes to work out why you wanted to fix him after he handed you the biggest red flag going.

A healthy reaction to him treating you like that would have been to distance yourself and to ghost him, not to simper and fall for his oh so sad so broken persona.

It's men like this who kill their partners.

I don’t think most men think like this. And if they do they are controlling psychos.

The most obvious explanation is usually the right one. He didn’t feel about the date/ OP in the way she felt about him. It was an early days relationship so he just ghosted.

My God, just read your updates!

Lucky escape OP!

@Myotherdogsanoodle I'm guessing they're holiday reps, work on cruise ships, below deck or whatever that programme is called about young people working on sailing yachts etc In those type of jobs you meet so many people all the time I think it's expected that people shag around.

oh I know it’s bonkers believe me, I could see it wasn’t a great start and I said that to my friends also but I guess I was blinded by the connection, although that bit was bad the connection was unbelievable I felt like I’d known him before, still do.

and I did message him, but unfortunately two days later (I took friends advice not to message him straight away) so if he did think I did it for attention then he would’ve just seen that as “ha you didn’t get the attention you wanted so now you come running” he left me on seen and has muted my stories (basically nothing of mine will show in his feed now - erased me without unfollowing me essentially) I would’ve rather been unfollowed I just don’t understand it :(

He was so much more full on, Infact he constantly asked me if I did actually like him (I have a guard up as I was still healing from my ex and wary of him anyway because of our job role and the label that comes with it). He would always initiate doing anything (not that) he would always complement me hype me up etc and I would occasionally back!

yes, but the guys 😂 us 3 girls went to the bar then to bed, it’s an exhausting job 😂

we’re dancers ☺️. but it’s common to go out at the end of the evening and entertainers will meet and sleep with guests!! (Not for me. He did the first year and he said it’s ruined his ability to trust girls because he “sees how they behave on holiday”)

Thank you! I know I sound mad but it’s just really hurt me to be honest and I cannot help that I am just feel too deeply and like I said further up the rush, energy connection was wild and exciting (which helped me ignore the red flags)

he won’t come back, he’s muted my insta so to him I will no longer exist whether he’s done that to not be reminded of me or because he hates me I don’t know (why not just unfollow me - if he reallllly hated me I would think when I did the accidental unfollow he would’ve though ha I’ll show you and purposely unfollow me)

I hope they’re not, I just don’t understand why he didn’t act like a grown up and ask me. The night before he was VN me being really nice so I just think he thought it was on purpose

Oh, he didn’t just say that he told me he loved I wasn’t pretentious, that I was kind and all that stuff. 90% of the time he was lovely to me so I don’t want to paint him as the devil.

and he knows I unfollowed because I followed him straight back and it would’ve notified him, he’s clearly gone down the route of believing I did it on purpose it’s just hurtful to think he muted me because of it, it’s like I don’t exist x

STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. THERE WAS NOTHING THERE WORTH HAVING. NOTHING.

Sorry to shout, but honestly, he shouted in your face? And you are not feeling 100% relieved he is out of your life?

Why are you wasting headspace on something completely imaginary? It is important for your future happiness that you find out.

Screaming in your face? You are well rid! Please don't give him another thought, he sounds awful.

Abusers are never abusive 100% of the time.

I naturally just always gravitate towards broke people I want to fix somehow, I know it’s messed up but it’s just in my nature to neglect myself and be there for others
this isnt a positive trait. You have poor boundaries and are very vulnerable to walking straight into an abusive relationship. You need to block this piece of crap on everything and arrange counselling for yourself.

The really unfortunate truth is that one person can feel a really deep amazing connection, and the other person doesn't feel it in the same way.

He has behaved appallingly to you, screaming in your face, being jealous and 'having trust issues'. People like that show you a glimpse how they are at some stage early on, and if you accept it, it will carry on getting worse from there on.

This was your first big crush after a long term relationship. Many times, the next person you date after a major breakup is the rebound /recovery one, and it doesn't work out. So now you have that out of the way, take some time to get your even keel back. Work out why you didn't cut him loose the moment he behaved badly.

Are you the sort of person that feels other people's pain or vulnerability and wants to cure them? Some people are, and if you are one of them then I can promise you that the biggest thing you need to do is to train yourself to walk away when you see that pain, not walk towards them. You can never cure another person's pain, only they can.

Look for someone who is worthy of you.

Remove him as a follower on Insta and block him everywhere. From now on he doesn't exist to you.

I’m assuming dancers on a cruise ship, given that the OP refers to some sleeping with guests?

This is classic 'you're not like other girls' stuff. He sets up other women as 'bad' and 'slurry' and tells you you're different and better so you feel you have to work extremely hard to keep his good opinion of you. It's negging and misogyny and it's from a playbook. Be wary of any compliment from a man which implies you're better than other women. Don't let your ego be flattered.

The feelings thing. I felt that but I kept it to myself incase it was one sided it wasn’t until we properly got involved one evening once I’d gone home HE texted me “didnt you feel the crazy energy between us can’t wait to carry on what we started” crap when he finished. It freaked me out.

Yes totally, I saw a thing on Instagram the other day that showed it perfectly it was a “troubled person” holding hands with a “normal” person and all their energy and feeling went into the other person, it was called an empath or something haha. I cried because that is me, completely. Still now when I see any of his stuff come up I feel some weird feeling. I was very poorly as a child/teen and I never had no one so I’ve grown up wanting to always be there for others and fix them. It’s sad really, I am pathetic

I absolutely do have poor boundaries!! The dating culture in my generation right now is dreadful, no one has standards, morals, loyalty, knows how to communicate etc etc so I feel like I have to bend any boundaries I do have because otherwise, you get dropped and hurt 🥹. I know when I find my person they will be lucky because I know I’m decent, loyal, honest, trust worthy etc and I want to stay like that but sometimes I think why don’t I just because a horrible person, I’ll probably have more chance. Being classy, kind etc etc is getting me nothing but hurt

Just want to say thank you for all the messages on here, they are helping me a bit and I really appreciate them. Having a sad morning but I have training and dance this afternoon and evening so hopefully that will lift my mood 🥹

@Swedishfish999 Please unfollow him properly now. Seeing his posts is making you feel worse. You did nothing wrong.

you sound lovely, and he sounds absolutely horrible. Shouting in your face? Totally unacceptable. He’s not the one for you…

Take care OP. When someone is right for you, they won't be screaming in your face. You aren't pathetic, but you do need to expect more for yourself. x

This is quite concerning, how do you think a man who screams at you treats you really well? That’s disturbing. And this is nothing to do with insta, you know this. And even if it was, a man who ghosts you for unfollowing then following seconds later is not someone who is treating you well.

i think id use this for self reflection on your own boundaries and thoughts of a healthy relationship