Ghosted for that?

[Swedishfish999]

Sorry to post I’m just sick of questioning my self worth so would like some opinions if poss plz

I was talking to someone for a month, we had met btw the energy was so great it freaked me out a little bit at first. I left early from our job and I was waiting for him to return, we were talking all the while, and planned to meet back up (we still live in different countries but it's only an hour flight which I was excited to make). The morning after he got back I genuinely accidentally ufollowed him (and a female friend too actually) on Instagram as I was whizzing down tapping away unfollowing people. as quick as it came up I'd unfollowed i refollowed and didn't message him because I thought it wouldn't be a big deal however I didn't hear from him so I started to panic and sent a sorry about that message two days later and since then, l've been left on seen. It’s been 4 WEEKS! He went almost silent on instagram for 2 weeks (I went silent also because I didn’t want to post purely to try and get a reaction out of him) If that was the other way round I wouldn't just been like haha have you only just followed me "has it made him angry? sad? Bruised his ego? Made him think "so I've been hyping you up and you didn't even follow me"

Does it really warrant him ghosting me so coldly I like him sooooo much why would I risk doing that AND…if he was THAT mad why didn't he just unfollow me? when we stopped speaking I deleted my WhatsApp messages on the chat because it hurt too much reading them back💔I'm not hurting as much as I was but it's still constantly niggling away at me And I know it's silly to read into the story viewing but the day before this happened and all the other days he was always first viewer replying, seeing a picture on insta then going over to WhatsApp and messaging "you really are so beautiful" etc since he's barely viewed (i think im muted as he seems to only view them if he’s got a story up and i view it) them so he must've made a conscious effort to not look for some reason? Ugh can't help but feel in my gut I've ruined something that might've been good Can I have some opinions on this plz?

also I know it’s really shallow and stupid but I can’t help but think will he now think I’m ugly 🥹🤍🥹

so to cut a long story short would you ghost someone for accidently unfollowing you or would you be an adult and reply. Should also add he has majorrrrr trust issues so he probably thought it was a lie xx

You've had a very lucky escape.

You can't fix a man. Any time you meet someone with issues who needs fixing, just walk away. It really isn't worth it.

This guy was a walking red flag. If he doesn't trust girls, he won't trust you, ever. No matter what you do, how much you reassure him, no matter how much you try to prove you love him, it'll never be enough. If a man tells you he's been hurt before and has trouble trusting women, WALK AWAY. Any man who's had a string of horrible exes, WALK AWAY. You won't be any different, you'll be one of his "horrible" exes one day because the reality is he's the problem.

I would really encourage you to do the Freedom Programme, as I feel you need much firmer boundaries and to be more aware of red flags in relationships.

“Yes I think he does have issues I had a gut feeling he was quite depressed deep dow as he had this job a year longer than me and he said it had changed him for the worst because he could no longer trust girls! A few night into knowing him he was screaming in my face asking if I kissed someone (I didnt) and asking me if back home if I speak to new guys EVERYDAY! I was like huh?”

@Swedishfish999 - honestly, you need to look at why it wasn’t over after you had this experience with him. And he’s big into blaming other people for his behaviour, isn’t he? You are SO much better off without him in your life.

If only your theory about life removing what's not good for you worked for all the women trapped in abusive relationships

Yes this is true I’ve tried to remind myself he didn’t believe me from the get go, in our job (we’re entertainers) you choose to go with the entertainer tag and sleep around or you don’t he did the first year and I never would so come the second year he think all girls are like this now so he doesn’t trust at all. I just know once I came home if I took a few hours to reply he would think I was talking to someone else etc. I never would I’ve said before I don’t have the desire to talk to multiple people. But ultimately his own insecurities would’ve ended it. And I agree I wouldn’t be able to fix him, like when I split with my ex the only person who could fix me, was me and my god have I put in the work.

thank you 🤍

You are well shot of him. Don't go back there as he has shown his true colours. Surprised you did the first time. Men like this don't change and you have dodged a bullet

Awe poor little man cannot trust women as some behaved the same way he did.

Are 27/28 year olds really this immature these days? I was genuinely expecting to read that you were both 17.

I am quite worried for you reading this.

That you thinking "this could be something good", that you have messed up for this utterly insignificant unfollow.
Blaming yourself.
Him severely punishing you.

He screamed in your face prior to this, for nothing. (Because he is a misogynist who bullies women)

You are in a fantasy.

Look at the reality without projecting the potential who he could be if he was a completely different person.

He is a man that has used women. He then blames the women he used. (He was a willing participant)
He is a man that screams in your face.

Now you want to somehow rescue him from his deep rooted trust issues with your fantastic love.

He is dangerous and toxic. Everything before this was a mask to lure you in.
A dupe.
Because if he screamed in your face at the first meeting you would run away and never want to see him again.
This is the real him.

He has ghosted you to inflict pain on you because he likes it.

Surround yourself with loving people who care for you.

His behavior is his choice, it is nothing you have done or nit done, and its not your responsibility to fix.
Whats more, you wont be able to.

Cry, journal, anger, and heal in private.
Learn how to live and care about yourself.
Read 'the gift of fear'.

Go where the love is.
Keep to this rule and you will be unharmed.

oh, and i think he will be back.
For the next round of your training.
You are doing everything he wants.
Blaming yourself.
Lost in a fantasy.
Will do anything to get back in his good books.
Perfect victim.

Wake up!

If you read all of your own posts you hopefully realise you shouldn't want to be with him.

Thank you so much this reply means a lot. I guess all the beginning part I am like that because I have often felt like I’ve had no one there when I had hard times as I teen and I naturally just always gravitate towards broke people I want to fix somehow, I know it’s messed up but it’s just in my nature to neglect myself and be there for others. I also agree, he will know he’s hurting me right now and thank goodness I have started back with my dancing now and trying to pick myself up, trust me if he ever comes back as much as he is so attractive, he will be ghosted right back. (He won’t we’re both stubborn)

I will also buy this book, thank you ☺️

I said this to him it takes two to tango. I could never behave how him and the girls have so I should’ve been the one not trusted I just said I’ll trust you until you give me reason not to, he never trusted me from the start 😵‍💫

I hope in time yes, right now all I can think of is the nice times 😮‍💨. And I know it’s silly but the fact he muted me angers me, I haven’t muted him, I’d rather intentionally unfollow (I’m not going to)

Yes, i understand OP, because you are still in the energy of it, still in the game.

He will turn you inside out and back to front proving you are not like those other girls.
You will not succeed because he will change the rules to make sure you are the bad one every time.

Now you are looking for an opportunity to ghost him back.
I dont know...maybe you can use your strong will here to save yourself, if you view it as you versus him.
But don't tell anyone that.

The wisest thing you can do is have nothing more to do with him.
He is insincere and dangerous.

You still don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.
You are not moving strongly enough to protect yourself.

The key to this will be in your past somewhere. In the messages you were given about love, relationships and self.

Why you are willing to negotiate your safety and sanity for this abuser.

Someone upthread suggested the freedom programme.
My guess is this isn't your first exposure to domestic abuse.
There is also this book you can access free online.
Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I hope you get free.
Because you deserve to be, it is your right.
Whether you know it yet or not.
Find your power.

Sending every good wish.

Starting out in a relationship wanting to ‘fix’ someone, is not a good basis for a healthy relationship, you said it yourself, if there is a fundamental problem, they need to address that in themselves, I can’t believe all the jealousy issues that have immediately arisen in This relationship that you overlooked because you thought you could fix him to not be jealous, bonkers.

Going on that though, if you had accidentally unfollowed him, why not send him a message saying what you’d done, you know he’s got trust issues so why not just clear it straight up rather then waiting for him to ask you about it? Like a PP said, it seems like drama and mind games.

But it sounds like you dodged a bullet anyway.

If it's that easily broken it was never going to work out anyway.

Sorry OP.

Women tie themselves up in knots trying to figure out why they were ghosted etc. If you were ghosted that’s enough to know. Even if there’s a “reason“ what difference or good would it do?

A lot of men are like this, emotional cowards who can’t have an adult conversation or just a bit of a dick. Learn from it & move on.

@yellowsmileyface How do you do the Freedom Programme? Is it a self-paced course? I've seen this mentioned a lot but I have no clue how to do it or learn more

I’m a bit fascinated by the ‘entertainer’ tag thing that means people sleep around in your circle. I know you don’t want to out yourself OP but I can’t help but wonder what kind of work environment you met this guy in and if that has a bearing on the ghosting.

OP I'm going to burst your balloon - you're building up this situation out of all sensible proportion.

remember this is all going on in your own head, not his. You have the choice whether to stop this damaging thought pattern, or to keep on ruminating about what someone is thinking, when you've only known them for 5 mins.

Being a bit more self-aware and building your own life purpose around more than some random bloke who has no investment in you whatsoever will help with your resilience and control your energy levels which are through the roof but channelled in an unhelpful way.

He sounds insane

Op, please block this total creep of a man.

He was screaming in your face? What a shithead. This behaviour never gets better. It only ever gets worse.

I would by even speak to him again for his abuse of you.

I think you have dodged a bullet. He sounds horrible. His trust issues most likely wouldnt get better, only worse, so its good that you know now.

But i understand youre sad and hurt. Its really not fun when this happens. Be sad for a bit, but dont let him back. You will be happier without him eventually.

Men who say they have trust issues are just women haters who are setting up an excuse for why they treat them badly.

OP, this man screamed in your face and you're upset because he's not messaging you, not about the abuse. This is quite concerning.

The initial connection was likely due to him mirroring and love bombing you. It probably wasn't really. It sounds like he has issues and you had a lucky escape