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Original poster

Men who always want 'their woman' pregnant

55 replies

CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:07

My friend and I met on a playdate yesterday, both of our children start school next September and we were discussing primary school applications.

Friends husband has told her she needs to start preparing to get pregnant so she has something to do whilst their child is at school. Friend in no way wants this and has told husband she intends on getting back onto the bank list for nursing.

Husband has told her she is not going back to work as they will have another baby, if she goes back to work he will not be helping atall with anything child related, financially or otherwise. He told friend she is a disapontment to him and not the woman he thought he'd married?

I'm at a loss as to why her husband wants another child as he has been very hands off. Both children born by C-Section on a Friday, husband back at work on the Monday leaving friend completley on her own 3 days post C-Section .... TWICE! Husband is out of the house 7am - 7pm 5 days per week, and his weekends are for him to 'rest and recouperate.' He has never once fed either child through the night either.

Why on earth would a man like that be demanding another child? What the hell is his deal? Is this male behaviour common?

Friend has the could and zero plans on removing it, thankfully! I'm hoping he doesn't wear her down.

OP posts:
Fernsfernsferns · 14/11/2023 13:08

Because he is controlling and abusive

bombastix · 14/11/2023 13:11

Because he assumed he had a stay at home wife. Now he may not be a nice guy but your friend needs to get some contraception for herself that she can control ask whether she wants this life for herself.

Dery · 14/11/2023 13:13

It’s good she has no plans to remove her coil. Does she have any plans to remove him? He sounds awful and a very bad role model for the kids.

LolaSmiles · 14/11/2023 13:13

Why on earth would a man like that be demanding another child? What the hell is his deal? Is this male behaviour common?
It's not normal or common.

Men who do this are abusive and want to find a way to keep "their woman" chained to the house and vulnerable.

From the abusive male perspective if a woman develops a sense of financial independence then she has options to leave, she interacts with lots of people, she'll hear people talking about decent male behaviour and realise that abusive partner is a shit. She'll be through the baby/toddler days, might start finding her own interests, has her body back to herself, and is more of her own person.She might even get herself clued up on benefit entitlements, increase her earning potential, and realise that life as a single parent is better and she might LTB.

Decent men do not coerce their partners into pregnancy.

bombastix · 14/11/2023 13:15

Barefoot and pregnant it's called. A tale as old as time.

RedCoffeeCup · 14/11/2023 13:15

He can't bear the idea of her being independent - earning money, having a life outside the home. She needs to leave him as soon as she can.

RosesAndHellebores · 14/11/2023 13:16

I'd have rolled with have another baby darling, if I'd had babies like rolling off a log, and my DH was very very rich and there was oodles of money. I assume the latter isn't the situation for the op's friend?

Was there no conversation before they married? I know nobody like this chap.

MalcolmTuckersSwearBox · 14/11/2023 13:17

He is abusive and I would be encouraging her to get back to work and independence. It sounds like that marriage is over and she needs to think about a route out.

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:18

No mention of leaving him, not a subject I approached as its not my place. Just been thinking about the situation overnight and it's kind of creeped me out. I feel icky for her.

How many women like her out there?

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersSwearBox · 14/11/2023 13:19

None that I know personally but I met a few through my working life in the public sector.

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/11/2023 13:20

Why on earth would a man like that be demanding another child?
Because he's abusive. He wants to control everything about her life, including her body. And he's planning to be financially and emotionally coercive to get his way. Please tell us she plans to leave him. There's a very high chance he's dangerous.

rainbowstardrops · 14/11/2023 13:22

Because he's abusive and controlling and if your friend returns to being financially independent, that will be a threat to him.
He already does nothing for the children he has and presumably has all his cooking/washing/sexual needs met etc, so why would he want to lose his live in housekeeper?
I'd be telling him to fuck off but that's just me.

megletthesecond · 14/11/2023 13:22

There's a few blokes like this in the estate I live in. Used to see them on the school run, nasty pieces of work.

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:23

I didn't ask her what their baby plans were before marriage. But based on his behaviour, he's not really a dad to the kids he has. He has another child with another woman, who he hasn't seen child was 5. He used to have every excuse under the sun not to have his child on his dedicated weekends.

I think its safe to assume if she left him, he'll not bother with their current 2.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:26

Friend has the COIL, had it replaced recently so it's good and she has no plans on removing it. My first post wasn't clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:30

I think next time I meet with her I'll subtly tell her how lucky she is to be getting her independence back, keep supportive about her plan on getting back to work. Offer to help her look for childcare etc.

We had discussed wraparound care at school as she'll need to use it for both children. I'm not sure how bank hours would work if her husband refuses to help?

OP posts:
DavidChecker · 14/11/2023 13:31

Think of all the men who refuse to even consider vasectomy. Just a form of dominating the family

unsync · 14/11/2023 13:45

He doesn't see her as an equal, she's just another one of his posessions. If she doesn't do what he wants, she may well be putting herself in danger. It's good that she has a friend to talk to. Hopefully, she'll see the light and leave at some point.

bombastix · 14/11/2023 13:49

CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:23

I didn't ask her what their baby plans were before marriage. But based on his behaviour, he's not really a dad to the kids he has. He has another child with another woman, who he hasn't seen child was 5. He used to have every excuse under the sun not to have his child on his dedicated weekends.

I think its safe to assume if she left him, he'll not bother with their current 2.

What a scummy man. He probably married your friend to ensure her place as head cook and bottle washer forever. The children are just a means to an end.

quivers · 14/11/2023 13:52

Is it something to do with an insult to his virility? He has to 'prove' that he's a MAN by impregnating his woman. Pathetic, really.

Just because someone has had no issues getting pregnant before, it is no guarantee that she'd get pregnant again anyway. If she was unable to conceive again, what would his reaction be to that, I wonder?

Dery · 14/11/2023 13:55

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. Decent men don’t always want their women pregnant. As a PP said, he wants her tied to him and without financial independence. Does your friend seem happy?

Isheabastard · 14/11/2023 13:59

In the past women often lost their jobs when getting married. My mother was of that generation, babies, SAHM , pipe and slippers, no real financial independence. The husband was the boss, and some would even beat their wives.

Im part of the transition phase, some women had jobs (fewer had careers), some didn’t. But there was a lot of hangover about a man’s masculinity being dented if he couldn’t provide enough money for his wife not to have to work. Even then a SAHM lost a lot of financial freedom and independence. The man liked having a woman dependant on him, she had less power.

In my personal experience as a SAHM looking after a baby takes your focus off your relationship. This is when most women discover their partners are lacking the traits of being a good father. But you’ve got a young baby and this is not the time to rock the boat.

If the man is of a selfish/lazy/controlling or abusive mentality this suits him fine and well. He’s the money earner, he deserves respect and can dish out the allowance he thinks his wife or partner deserves.

Maybe he likes the idea of fatherhood, but likes it the old fashioned way ‘seen and not heard’. Maybe he’s got a thing about having sons that grow up in his image, big strapping lads who hero worship their dad. Passing his name on to posterity.

Most men of your generation know enough to not say these things out loud. Decent men also know these ideas are wrong and deciding the number of children and if the woman works is a joint discussion because they are a team.

Your friends partner is a misogynist, plain and simple. He doesn’t believe in equality.

Notwhatyouwanttohear · 14/11/2023 13:59

He wants her trapped in the home looking after the children not making a life for herself.

Many reasons but to keep her dependent on him, not have her see this is borderline abuse etc.

She needs to be very careful with this man

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 14/11/2023 14:18

It's a control mechanism. Women are more vulnerable pregnant and with young children in the sense most will rely on husband's wage etc whilst they stay at home. He sounds horrible and your friend should leave

ginasevern · 14/11/2023 16:01

She must have had the slightest incling she was marrying ultra-Victorian throw back man. I mean, surely many of his other world views would be at odds to hers. What on earth did they talk about whilst they were going out together?