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Original poster

Men who always want 'their woman' pregnant

55 replies

CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 13:07

My friend and I met on a playdate yesterday, both of our children start school next September and we were discussing primary school applications.

Friends husband has told her she needs to start preparing to get pregnant so she has something to do whilst their child is at school. Friend in no way wants this and has told husband she intends on getting back onto the bank list for nursing.

Husband has told her she is not going back to work as they will have another baby, if she goes back to work he will not be helping atall with anything child related, financially or otherwise. He told friend she is a disapontment to him and not the woman he thought he'd married?

I'm at a loss as to why her husband wants another child as he has been very hands off. Both children born by C-Section on a Friday, husband back at work on the Monday leaving friend completley on her own 3 days post C-Section .... TWICE! Husband is out of the house 7am - 7pm 5 days per week, and his weekends are for him to 'rest and recouperate.' He has never once fed either child through the night either.

Why on earth would a man like that be demanding another child? What the hell is his deal? Is this male behaviour common?

Friend has the could and zero plans on removing it, thankfully! I'm hoping he doesn't wear her down.

OP posts:
DavidChecker · 14/11/2023 16:24

I am not sure that I am going to explain this well. @ginasevern said, surely many of his other world views would be at odds to hers. What on earth did they talk about whilst they were going out together?
Maybe when they started going out they both had ideas of how life would be when married.
Married life is not however like an instalment of a John Lewis Christmas ad with a Stylised Happy Family. Perhaps he was disillusioned and upset feeling let-down is now losing his grip on reality. That was the start. The bad behaviour followed.
It might have been violence, or car racing on the streets, or gambling.

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 14/11/2023 17:09

I think she was happy, she did all of the childcare as someone had to I guess? The issue of more children hasn't been an issue atall until she mentioned returning to work once the youngest starts school in September. Her husband was aware she had a coil fitted during her last C-Section, also aware she had it replaced earlier this year, no comment made atall. He was aware the coil lasts for 5 years, so she isn't tricking him into her preventing any pregnancy.

The issue has arisen since she announced her return to work.

Reading all of the comments, mayby he realises that this is it for his SAHW, mayby he relalises that this is his last chance to ensure she stays at home for the next 5 /6 years as she is getting older and the chance of more children is diminishing?

OP posts:
newtlover · 14/11/2023 17:28

I would recommend your friend tries to find the Freedom Programme locally (or you can do it online) I think she will find there are other behaviours of abusive men that she will recognise.

queenofthewild · 14/11/2023 17:31

He's controlling and insecure.

I know far too many women married to men like this. The more kids you have the harder it is to leave.

Floralsofa · 14/11/2023 17:39

I hope she has done some work in that time else she won't be able to return to nursing, you have to do 450 hours proven work every 3 years else you're off the register and back to university.

GreyCarpet · 14/11/2023 17:42

Yep to him.being controlling and insecure.

If she goes to work, she will meet (shh) men. If she's at home, barefiloot and pregnant, she's far less likely to.

That's his thinking.

Chonkadoodle · 14/11/2023 17:45

Keeping her pregnant and poor as my Granny would say. It’s abuse, pure and simple.

Hamburger233 · 14/11/2023 18:02

She went ahead and married him and had a child with him even though he has a child from his previous relationship he hasn't seen since they were 5 and you say he made every excuse under the sun not to bother seeing them??!!

Dery · 14/11/2023 18:03

“she did all of the childcare as someone had to I guess?”

No-one had to do all the childcare. Both parents should parent their children. He sounds awful and a very bad role model for fatherhood.

Hamburger233 · 14/11/2023 18:07

Anyway, I only know two men like him. One would be in his 60s/70s, the other is in his 50s.

The former is a serial cheater and sexual molester.

The latter apparently is not a cheat but wants he and his partner to live in each others pockets, never to socialise separately and he doesn't want his partner in the workplace.

Seas164 · 14/11/2023 18:07

I also came to say Barefoot and Pregnant, a classic subjugation tactic.

StarlightLady · 15/11/2023 05:50

Emergency exit now!

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 15/11/2023 10:58

@Hamburger233

So his 1st child was involved, he was a part of the wedding. A few months after the wedding, I beleive mum moved. After the move, friends husband was always sick or working on the weekends he should have had DC1. No idea where DC1 moved to in relation to friend and her husband, whether the distance was an iissue?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 15/11/2023 11:00

Well she chose him

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 15/11/2023 11:01

Interestigly, friend does not socialise when husband is home. It's play dates on softplay only. Friend will also make excuses up if any play dates fall on a weekend. There is much more to this.

OP posts:
Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 15/11/2023 11:02

She did choose him. But people change, and not always for the better. The big change has been made apparent when friend announced return to work. Before then, all seemed OKish.

OP posts:
Devilsmommy · 15/11/2023 11:06

GreyCarpet · 14/11/2023 17:42

Yep to him.being controlling and insecure.

If she goes to work, she will meet (shh) men. If she's at home, barefiloot and pregnant, she's far less likely to.

That's his thinking.

Absolutely agree with this. Can't have the wifey meeting people, especially men😱

ginasevern · 15/11/2023 11:38

@CherryGarcia23

"She did choose him. But people change, and not always for the better. The big change has been made apparent when friend announced return to work. Before then, all seemed OKish."

Sorry, but I find that very hard to believe. You telling me that his Stone Age views are a complete revelation. That he's suddenly transformed from an "OKish" guy into Victorian father. People don't change that much.

Original poster
CherryGarcia23 · 15/11/2023 14:11

@ginasevern

Mayby she has changed? The SAHM/W is a perfect solution when before the children need to go to school. But when there is no need to stay at home when there is school / wraparound care / holiday club, then it suits my friend to return to work.

The reason for my post is that she has been told she is not 'allowed', and if she goes against her husbands wishes, he has told her he will make her life very difficult. And therein lies the reason for my post.

OP posts:
Mummyme87 · 15/11/2023 14:13

He’s an abusive dickhead who she needs to consider making plans to leave.

Crikeyalmighty · 15/11/2023 14:14

A fair amount of blokes who are shit husbands and fathers like it - as it gives the woman less options to move on!!

newtlover · 15/11/2023 17:59

The reason for my post is that she has been told she is not 'allowed', and if she goes against her husbands wishes, he has told her he will make her life very difficult. And therein lies the reason for my post.

OP the language is very revealing. Many (most) women in abusive relationships talk of being 'allowed' or 'not allowed' to do things.
It's very striking as in a healthy relationship the concept is utterly irrelevant.

Your friend needs help, things are likely much worse than she is letting on. Go gently though, its a scary thing to admit to.

SENDhelp2023 · 15/11/2023 18:01

Because hes abusive. She needs to leave

Bananalanacake · 15/11/2023 19:27

Has she tried actually telling him, 'I don't want anymore children'.
But yes, he's very controlling, I bet if you were to invite her for a night out with some female friends on a Friday she'd make an excuse, because he won't let her.

SiennaMillar · 15/11/2023 19:46

Your friend is in a seriously abusive relationship OP, and needs to get help