Quick packing now. Help?

[theajon]

Without going into it I'm leaving an abusive H now. I have 4 hours max. to pack. I have somewhere to go.

My brain cannot think.
I know I should be doing not posting here. I've been standing here with an empty rucksack in my hands for 10 minutes or more.

What do I need to take? It is only me, I have a medium sized family car which I can fill.

All docs are with my solicitor.

Well done @theajon
It takes an enormous amount of strength to do what you have, and the adrenaline that has kept you going in order to do this will take a while to settle for sure.
I'm doing okay ish ..... still feel a bit numb with it all still to be honest... it hasn't really hit yet that my marriage is over and this isn't how I imagined my future happening. I will be okay though I know that.. its just hard being in this limbo/ middle bit...

@theajon

Well done! Take it slowly. You've done the worst bit, expect to be exhausted and all over the place.

I echo all the advice given here but also consider your health too. Get registered with a GP if you need to and access some professional help if you need it.

Look after yourself as well as you can under your circumstances- sleep, eat well and get some vitamins if you can. Don't be surprised if your body responds to all this emotional trauma.

As the fog lifts, start thinking about what you want and what needs to happen to get you there.

Also: did you forget anything??

Yesterday I didn't post. I meant to.
Now it's that time and I'm wide awake. Thinking, mulling. I keep reading your post @fluffy2buffy. I know that you are right, I am trying to go with it. Currently I am failing!

H emailed me to ask if we could go for couples counselling? I haven't responded yet, the answer will obviously be no.

I'm not working, I have taken time off. When I spoke to my boss I told her everything. It's not really that type of workplace, or maybe I'm not usually that kind of colleague.
Nonetheless, I knew that I would want some time off, maybe an extended break and I didn't want anyone to think I was going to Thailand or Canada or The Maldives on a second honeymoon.

When I asked, I had so many weeks outstanding I could take the whole of the rest of the year. I plan to go back before then, even though the thought of Christmas curdles in my stomach.

My friends are taking some odd days off with me, we have various things planned. The first few days of this week are mine alone. Monday was long. I blow dried my hair nicely, walked to the local shop, cleaned my bathroom floor although I was expressly told not to as my friends have a great cleaner and I'm supposed to be relaxing.

@MaggieFS that is good advice.

So I have decided that I will read more, find better ways to relax, find another exercise, one that I will enjoy. I'm going to write it all down, organise my thoughts about my career and the rest of my life.

@Eteiene it will pass, it will all pass. Right?

For the first time in many years I can do anything and I would like to do nothing.

While inner work might sound wanky @AutumnCrow I know it is necessary and inevitable. Maybe not just yet!

Thank you to everyone still posting or reading

I don’t know how sensible/useful this suggestion is but can you photograph all the rooms in your home and all the main pieces of furniture etc so that you have a record of what is owned between you for when you come to sell and divide up property?

For the first time in many years I can do anything and I would like to do nothing.

That's perfectly normal. It's your body coming down from the stress.

I also escaped OP and life just gets better and better not living with an abusive partner. Wishing you all the best.

@theajon
Well done for taking that leap, I have no advice for how you move forward, but just know this is the start of your new life, no more walking on egg shells or having to explain things in fear of not being believed, you got this and you are strong than you think, this man has made you feel worthless and like you need him but in reality he's the worthless one that needs you, stay strong and don't even reply to any of his emails cause when you do that's when you will start to have second thoughts about following through and staying away xx

You have got this. You are so brave and l wish the best for you. You rock. 💐💐💐💐

It's ok @Babyghirl I should have said that I was going to and now I have sent his email straight to my solicitor.

Thank you @Dontjudgeme101 that is a very kind thing to say. I'm not sure that I do rock, though I am going to pretend that I do now

It will absolutely pass.... I keep telling myself that , and you know what after a day of doing absolutely nothing yesterday I feel a tiny bit more like myself... the "old"/ "real" me... not the one conditioned and jumpy and trying to "Behave" in the "right" way (which always changed and I could never figure out the "rules") ...

So yes , I do believe it will pass, and also if it feels sh*tty right now that's okay too .
I'm glad you have friends around too , and sounds like you have a good solicitor ..
hang in there, and as others have said, stay strong....
E x

Enjoying your update! Yer don't engage send straight to solicitor etc.

Well I'm sorry but you do rock so you'll just have to take our word for it, so there 🤣.

As you slowly come out of high alert and it can take a long time you're going to want to sleep. Your only job right now is to do exactly what you fancy and sleep or rest. Expect highs and lows and you will at times miss him like crazy again all totally normal. Keep taking to us, keep checking in.

Today has not been a good day.
Ridiculously anxious to the point of not being able to eat or relax. I went for a walk, cried on the walk, felt like an idiot and didn't feel any better for walking.

An ex BF 10 + years ago has been in touch. Is angry I won't go out with him. What?
Where do they come from? How do they find me?
To anyone thinking I must have led him on in some way? No not at all.
It is not what I need.

Does anyone know any good gentle mindless books podcasts television or films to take my mind off of things?

I'm not surprised the adrenaline and emotion is hitting right now ... but after going through abuse and needing to leave in the way you did, it's not surprising. ...
I don't know if you've tried the calm app? You can look on YouTube they have stories/ music etc that are supposed to help with deep ( even just as "company" in the background of not sleeping can help)....
If you can stomach soups, juices, costa ...( maybe not too much caffeine if anxious)....anything you can stomach for now even if its a biscuit...(* lived on pre made food, only ate if someone gave me something because i couldnt think straight to reay nake food or make decisions plus the anxiety like you say ...that has worn off but also chat woth GP if needed )

I've spent weeks ( sorry its not quicker) trying to "act" myself into feeling better ...do things that in other scenarios ( work stress/ needing to take my mind off things) might work great ....
But I'm starting to think I just needed to "be" ....there were chinks of joy in that time ( sometimes v small ... a smile from someone, song I liked , reading a bedtime story to my nephew..... ) ....sounds corny but I Really had to try hard to notice ... without stopping myself feeling ....
This is massive stuff and its okay not to feel anywhere near "okay "

TV wise.... anything short and non scary/ suspense like ... or nostalgic ( I watched quite a few films I'd not picked up since at uni!!) .... comedies ? ( I'd say something like friends but tinged with sadness for some right now ...) , or something with a story/ series to it? ( Marvel? Harry Potter? ) ...

You will get through this part and be okay x

Have you seen Detectorists? It’s on iPlayer. Also episodes of Bake Off and Sewing Bee might be good?

@Eteiene how are you? Thank you so much for your post, you are my hero. x
I'm not being creepy.

That whole feeling down? Go for a walk! Is overrated.
Over the weekend I read James Blunt's autobiography, which I did find funny despite myself, and Promising You Women by Caroline O'Donahue which is more serious and IMO excellent. Last night I watched the Capt Sir Tom programme and felt angry.

All of the feelings are here, all at once and it feels very painful.
My no food phase is here too. I'm being sick a lot. I cannot even stomach a white coffee.

Thank you for saying that I will get through this and be ok, now feels bleak.
It takes as long as it takes.

Yes @ChocolateCinderToffee I've seen them all, we must have similar taste. Thank you.

Thank you again for saying I rock @fluffy2buffy, the same to you too @Dontjudgeme101. It makes me smile every time I read it. Also thank you for saying it is ok to check in. I really do appreciate the support 

You are brave too @MariaLuna how long ago was it for you? How are you know.
I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to post and say they lived with it too.

I am wishing for happiness for all of you

All of the above also remember
Anything you need for work
Anything sentimental that couldn't be replaced
Check in the garage/shed/loft for stuff you might have not remembered about
Blankets in case you end up somewhere not that warm.
Are you sure he won't have a find my phone app to try and find you?

I don't feel like a hero at all ... but being a few weeks on in being out I can promise there are glimpses if me I'm realising are still in there , and I have total faith yoy will find that too ...
Not that there aren't days I want to stay in bed, numb out, shut out the world ... there are ... but there's also the spark in me that found the courage to leave ( as you have, and as you will find when you are ready) that wants more than that...

I do t know if you've been in touch with women's aid at all? Even the live chat can be really helpful in just grounding yourself . Don't feel worried wither about seeing a GP re sickness and anxiety ... as I'm coming out of the fight/ flight a little bit I syar5 yo realise how much my body has taken a bayterung , and that asking for help is more than okay .
Sending yoy hope and courage (* though you have show. True courage already )
Eteiene x

sorry for all the typos btw!! trying to type on phone!!
Hope you are doing okay today x