Quick packing now. Help?

[theajon]

Without going into it I'm leaving an abusive H now. I have 4 hours max. to pack. I have somewhere to go.

My brain cannot think.
I know I should be doing not posting here. I've been standing here with an empty rucksack in my hands for 10 minutes or more.

What do I need to take? It is only me, I have a medium sized family car which I can fill.

All docs are with my solicitor.

OP well done for getting out.
Take the weekend to enjoy the peace. Get back in touch with your solicitor next week to start sorting Legal stuff with the house etc

Big hugs, hope you are ok x

If you have a decent size car, I would just dump the contents of every drawer/wardrobe in a bin bag and put it in the car tbh. Maybe you have more clothes than me!

Well done 💐

Well done OP! You have taken charge of the next chapter x

I'm so pleased you got out. Well done it can't have been easy.

Deep breaths, drink lots of water, drop those shoulders.
Be kind to you.
Get as much fresh air as possible.
This is a beginning, not an end.
X

Well done op! It's a hard decision to make. Remember stuff can be replaced, you can't - keep us posted about how you are. Take care.

I do wonder if there could be some way of people here on Mumsnet donating the mundane things people need when they have had to flee, it's far too common, I know there's charities but for those who have independently found accommodation - I have a house full of duplicates (moved in with dp). That said years ago now I donated my pram/pushchair combo plus children's bedding to my local refuge and got a lovely letter of thanks from the recipient (fled pregnant and twin 3 year olds) which I was so touched by (obviously anonymous)

Fantastic OP, well done. 💪

Well done for getting out. I hope you're ok , and can breathe now. Has he tried to contact you ?

Well done op. See you are stronger than you thought... First day of the rest of your life today op. Congratulations...

Well done OP. Right decision? 1000%

Contact lenses / glasses

@theajon

I'm out I am safe I can't sleep. Got here and unpacked a few things.

Well done OP - you have been courageous in dealing with this very stressful situation.

Now focus on getting calm whenever you feel the adrenaline race again. Whenever possible, close your eyes, relax your body one little bit at a time, focus on your breathing- in through your nose to a count of five (more if you can), hold that breath for the same count, then exhale through your mouth for the same count. Try and picture the infinity symbol and gently follow the path with each completed breath.

I used the above when I had oral biopsies done years ago and just mentally took myself away from what was happening at the time. Either that for focus on your favourite place (real or not), eg walking at dawn on a beach, the sound of the waves, the feel of sand beneath your feet, the scent of the air- I'm sure you'll have your own examples.

• On a practical level, remove the find my phone/location option on your phone.
• If you have a tracker on your car or an air tag on anything remove them.
• Check with Royal Mail about redirecting your post without the acknowledgment going to your home address. Maybe a domestic violence consultant can help with that or your solicitor can advise?
• Change password to or cancel any streaming or shopping subscriptions and endure your old internet supplier knows you are no longer at your old address. Same for other utilities and your council
• Block him from your social media, phone, etc.

Good luck for the future OP. 🌹

To those still offering advice on what to take, I do appreciate it please read my updates.

Woke up not long ago, to friend vacuuming, couldn't get my bearings and had a stupid panic attack.

It's Remembrance weekend, to make it doubly challenging, this time makes me miss a family member terribly. Your question @Whataretheodds about 5, 10, 15 year old me unleashed a tidal wave of tears which haven't settled yet. It is a reasonable question, I know I have done the right thing, I am still frightened.

@theajon

Hey, it's OK to feel how you feel. You may have left an abusive relationship (yay, you!!) but even a change for the better can still be scary and nerve-wracking. Just remember that in time the scary 'new' becomes the familiar 'old'. So just let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. In time happiness and security will be your uppermost feelings.

When I kicked my abusive exH out, I thought I'd feel so happy and relieved. And I did. But I also had fear of the future and self-doubt, which I felt were stupid and wrong. But I realized that no feelings are 'wrong' in this situation. We need time to settle those feelings and begin to acclimate to our new life.

So cry, get angry, feel scared. But remember to also feel relieved, happy, and free.

Well done for getting out.
I escaped from.abusove ex just over a month ago.
Someone said about redirecting mail- phone them up and say you need a sensitive redirect. They make sure nothing goes to old address.

Good luck
It does get easier. I still have lots of bad days but I'm starting to see more and more things that were abusive that I can now change, very slowly.

I am so so sorry if I upset you. I would love you to feel that the strength and support of everyone who's read this thread is with you, whenever you need it.

Hope you’re doing ok. These past few days will have been a huge shock but you’ve taken a big brave step so well done. You’ll get through this. Best wishes

Hi OP
Another weighing in here to say we'll done ....I'm a few weeks ahead of you ...didn't havevti go quite as quickly ( though there were times I was prepared to and thinking I might have to)...
There's no right or wring to feel right now. I'd imagine you are probably in shock ans still full of adrenaline ...
I'm not sure you are somewhere where friends can visit or you can meet up safely? Otherwise I found any kind of old "comforts" ( music, TV, books) along with gentle exercise/ movement...walks, yoga, stretching, helped. The kind of breathing exercises others have suggested too can help. Eat what and when you can and stay hydrated .

Know too how brave you have been x

Hello again. Hope it's ok if I keep posting?
I know that people like to be around for action or to say LTB.
That is done now, I have left him.

What my posts lack in excitement I would hope that they will make up for somehow.
If I had stumbled on this thread a month ago it could have given the courage to know that the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't just have to be a light.

Which brings me to you @Eteiene I wish you luck and happiness and all the good things. How are you now?
I am staying with friends lying low for a while.

@Whataretheodds you didn't upset me, you were completely right. 5, 10, 15 year old me would have told me to go and never look back.

Today has been better. I'm prone to panic attacks, a product of the situation I had been in. They are easing slowly. I know that I have to keep going one step at a time.

It is sad. When we got married I thought that it would last forever. He made promises too and I have to remember that.

Thank you to everyone who has posted and anyone lurking who needs to read these things themselves. I am reading this every day. Your words are giving me strength and confidence.

Thank you for coming back, OP, and sharing your update. I'm so pleased that your original feelings of panic have subsided a bit - it must be a hell of a lot to process right now. The anxious feelings may well be off-and-on for a while, but eventually they'll calm right down and you can do some 'inner work' (sorry that sounds so wanky) to keep yourself as level as possible. There's quite a lot a lot of stuff online that's good. You sound so switched on.

Thinking of you... xx

@theajon

I am staying with friends lying low for a while.

I'm so glad you are in safe harbour with friends for a while and the adrenaline rush has settled down a bit so you can regain your mental strength. One step at a time my dear. 🌹

My heart was beating hard looking for your update this morning. I am so relieved you managed to get out and to safety. Such a massive achievement and so glad you're with friends.

I just wanted to say about not sleeping etc that it's totally normal. Your body will be reacting to your flight and could be for a while yet. Usually until you feel safer and more time has elapsed since leaving. Expect your body to be on high alert and you will have little control over that atm but it's totally natural. You will feel anxious but it's your bodies way of trying to keep you safe.

Well done what you've done is big shit and by posting you will be helping strangers that would never dare to post but need to hear your voice.

Lurker here, yes of course you can keep posting. I can't offer any helpful advice but just wanted to wish you well. You've taken a amazing a huge step. Now begins your future.