Ok so I want to start by saying my partner has a very intense fetish and that is he likes to be dominated, but in particular likes to be choked. This isn't news to me however he was somewhat ashamed when first telling me years ago. Over the years (been together just under 7), he has asked I participate in his fantasy and at times I have although don't really enjoy it but have done it as i love him and know thsts what he is into. He has bought me the outfits, shoes, gloves, pays for me to get nails done as i dont usually have fake nails. Since having our first child 2 and half years ago, our sex life has plummeted because I'm not that interested to be honest and he also has never pushed the topic. Lately we've been having sex once ever 3 to 4 weeks. We also have an 8 month old so life is busy. Apart from this our relationship is pretty good. He is a great dad, works hard (stressful job in law enforcement), and does his share around the house. He doesn't go out much at all and is home from work looking after the kids.
Last week I went on his phone to send myself pictures, and an app suddenly disappeared. I went into his app store and saw the app kik was last searched. I confronted him about this and asked him what was up was it a dating app and he told me he had been using it atleast monthly for the last 10 or more years to talk to dominatrixes or fetish escorts as an initial conversation to wank over. He told me he essentially was wasting there time as they mostly aren't even in the same state or country but liked reading the idea of setting up a session to be choked/dominated. He has never paid one and never gone to one in person and i do believe this. He has also been watching this kind of porn roughly 3 times per week. When I told him that was cheating on me he believes he was being deceitful but didn't think he was cheating!?? He told me he felt relieved as this had felt like a dirty secret his had for a long time and now its finally out. He told me it's something he knew was wrong but didn't feel he had a good handle on as I guess the urges are pretty strong. He told me he never pursued it further then the initial chat because it's something deep down he knows isn't healthy and doesn't want to do (he is a pretty sensible guy). He was extremely apologetic and told me he wants to get help for although i know its not something he will ever be free from. We also discussed him talking to a therapist around 4 years ago when he told me the thoughts were of him wanting to pass out from choking and he never went. He told me he doesn't want anything to jeopardise our family (as I told him he HAD by doing this knowing it was wrong) and wants to go cold turkey from it and see a councillor. He has booked into the GP for a mental health plan to see a sex therapist. I've continued to be normal in front of our kids but largely I've told him we need couples therapy too to move past this. I'm wondering if I'm being naive here and whether this is something he can move away from or if it will always be apart of him. I'm so scared of the thought of being a single parent of 2 young kids but right now I'm so upset he betrayed me. He has been respectful towards me and extra helpful. Told me whatever he needed to do to make me trust him he will do. I'm so worried the trust is gone. Help!