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Original poster

Disagreement about house buying with boyfriend.

89 replies

Doodles29 · 07/11/2023 12:56

Hi everyone. I wondered if I could ask for some advice please.

I currently live in my boyfriends flat with him and pay rent. We are looking to buy a home together.

I have 100K in savings from a previous property I bought, renovated and sold.

He has around 70k tied up in his flat.

I would like to invest all of my money into the property (with this being written up with solicitors to cover myself if anything goes wrong).

He would like to go 50/50 on the property, meaning that I would have £30K left sitting in my savings making little interest.

i have tried explaining that if we both put all of our monies in, it will serve us both better in terms of the mortgage and we would need to borrow less (meaning paying less interest).

He is still being very stubborn and is saying that he wants to do £70K each.

I have tried explaining that because I put more money in doesn’t mean that the house is more mine, it simply means that I just get out what I put in at the end if things were to go wrong.

am I justified in what I am saying or am I being selfish?

Thank you.

OP posts:
2strappinglads · 07/11/2023 12:57

If you can't agree on this you shouldn't be buys property together

Sparklfairy · 07/11/2023 13:00

I don't think labelling him stubborn just because he doesn't agree with you is fair tbh.

Presumably he worked hard to get that flat. And he (and the mortgage co) own all of it. Now you want to wade in and become majority owner. How exactly does he benefit apart from lower mortgage payments? He's losing a significant portion of his asset.

Channellingsophistication · 07/11/2023 13:05

Much better to put in equal amounts. I dont think he’s being stubborn he just has a different view to you.

Burnamer · 07/11/2023 13:09

Can he articulate why he isn’t happy with a % based ownership?
does he think it will cause issues around maintenance costs are split? I wouldn’t Be happy owning c41% of the property but paying 50% of the maintenance costs for example.
what about decoration costs?
is it just that he wants it to be 50:50 because it “feels” fair? If you can understand why he has an objection you might be able to either overcome it or agree he has a point.
could you show him worked examples of mortgage payments illustrating the saving to him over the next 5 years?

(for what it’s worth I think he is being daft).

worldwidetravel2017 · 07/11/2023 13:10

Much better to put in equal amounts

Also good to have a seperate emergency / fu fund..

I have a little money from selling a flat

My partner rents

If we buy together - i definitely wont put in all my savings

Smugandproud · 07/11/2023 13:11

I think your bf is right.

OhComeOnFFS · 07/11/2023 13:11

It sounds as though he feels like you're trying to buy him out, so that the property belongs more to you than to him. As a PP said, he will have worked hard to get that place - who would want someone behaving like you?

Hbosh · 07/11/2023 13:12

The fact that you're calling him stubborn when he just has an opinion and won't do exactly what you want him to do, concerns me
The fact that he may or may not have articulated why he want's to do 50/50, elaborated and explained, but you've not mentioned his reasoning here, concerns me.
Don't buy a house with someone if this is an issue you can't get past.

PramPusherCentral · 07/11/2023 13:19

Speak to a financial advisor, you may be able to make better use of the 30k.

If it were me, I would buy gold and place in a safety deposit box, it will never depreciate… and I would keep that knowledge to myself.

sandyhappypeople · 07/11/2023 13:21

Your bf has the right idea, I’m not sure why you’re being so stubborn, everything should be 50/50, if the house value increases and you’ve both put equally into improvements, you’ll be seeking a higher percentage out at the end, at his expense, you have to get an agreement drawn up with a solicitor and deal with all that bullshit afterwards too.

it makes so much more sense to split EVERYTHING straight down the middle.

besides, you don’t know what the future holds, it’s a great idea to have a fund available so you don’t need to borrow money on cards/loans etc, I’d be sitting on that 30k personally.

justanotherlaura · 07/11/2023 13:24

With the interest rates the way they are at the moment it won't just be sitting in an account not making money. We have a 5% interest rate mortgage and a 6% savings account so we're putting money into the savings account rather than paying off the mortgage.

I'd do the sums, there's calculators out there that'll show if it's better to pay it into the mortgage or save and do that, it keeps your boyfriend happy and you're not wasting your money

My husband had a much bigger deposit than I did - 35k vs 5k I hated that he'd put so much in even though we agreed it was 50:50 ownership. Luckily I've had some pretty awesome bonuses in the 6 years we've owned and been able to contribute the same amount now but it felt crap at the time so I can see how he'd feel

Tiredbehyondbelief · 07/11/2023 13:24

You need to start respecting your boyfriend's option if you want to have a future together.

Ibravedaflood · 07/11/2023 13:25

50 /50 sets you up on even footing surely? Yabu.

BoohooWoohoo · 07/11/2023 13:30

Nobody is unreasonable here but I can see your bf's pov. Owning equal shares starts off the living together on an equal footing and I can see why your bf might not like the feeling of owning less. Lots of couples put in unequal shares because of children, differences in wages/savings etc but this is your first property together and I can see why he's psychologically prefer 50/50.

You should look into ways of making more interest on your remaining 30k. There's some very knowledgable people on here who can advise best ways to invest it eg pension, ISA...

C1N1C · 07/11/2023 13:31

My wife was the same... I put in 100k and she didn't put in anything initially. She then spent the next four years recording all the excess she put into the mortgage and paying directly for extension, new windows etc so she felt she contributed equally.

If you're set on putting in more, write up something to say you get back what you put in... but also allow him to add more per month (say 500 more a month if he can afford it), so in 5 years you've equalised.

mindutopia · 07/11/2023 13:40

I'd want to know why he is uncomfortable with you contributing more to the deposit.

It's not intrinsically more complicated if one of you ringfences a larger portion of the deposit. That can be sorted out in a legal way fairly easily.

Is it because he feels you 'have more money' than him? Or are more successful? Or 'own more of the house'? (I mean, in theory, you would). That would be telling for me and it would help me determine if I really wanted to buy with someone.

I put more into our house deposit than dh (family inheritance vs. dh's savings). It wasn't loads more, but I'd say it's similar in magnitude, maybe 20% more overall from me than dh. Dh pays more of the monthly mortgage as he's the higher earner. We're joint tenants anyway, so we own an equal share (plus been married a long time), so it actually doesn't really matter.

I think I'd be really put off by someone not wanting me to get a nicer house or have a better LTV/rate simply because they wanted to feel like 'the man' in the relationship, if that's what's happening here. In a true partnership, you should be working towards common goals and have the same things you value. It would make me question, I think, if we really did, in your situation. It feels like it could be more a power play than a genuine joint commitment.

HeddaGarbled · 07/11/2023 13:43

Yeah, I think he’s right too. Apart from the equality aspect, it will be good for you to have some savings left over. You never know what life will throw at you.

StampOnTheGround · 07/11/2023 13:44

It makes much more sense to put in equal amounts, I agree with him. He shouldn't have to go from owning his place to then not being equal in your one together.

Baffledandalarmed · 07/11/2023 13:45

2strappinglads · 07/11/2023 12:57

If you can't agree on this you shouldn't be buys property together

This with bells on.

FourNonBlondez · 07/11/2023 13:45

Think your bf is right tbh. You should question buying a house together if you can't even agree on this.

Workawayxx · 07/11/2023 13:55

Is he worried because you want to own the house 60:40 or something to account for the extra 30K? Would it help to suggest you own the house 50:50 but you get an extra £30K before the rest is split?

I guess it depends on his reasoning. I think I'd much prefer to own a house 50:50 with no other messy issues so I don't think he's exactly BU. IF no other issues, I think I'd just carry on and £30K isn't a huge amount to hold in savings for a rainy day or some renovations etc.

SkySecret · 07/11/2023 13:58

A lot of people on here don’t appear to understand the legalities here. There’s essentially 3 options for you here, and each one has its differences.

  1. you put in 50/50 deposit and pay 50/50 bills and mortgage. You sign up as joint tenants.
  2. you put in unequal deposits and split the mortgage 50/50. You sign up at joint tenants.
  3. you put in unequal deposits, pay unequal mortgage contributions and you sign up as tenants in common.

number two is risky. For YOU, not him.

If you sign as joint tenants then you both own half of 100% of the property. There is no particular half that is yours. That gives you legal ownership of 50%, regardless of how much you put in. He can claim half of your deposit back if you sell, as well as half the equity (including increase in value).

If you sign as tenants in common, you own a specific percentage of the property. You’d only ever own that percent and be entitled to that percent, hence you’d need to split the mortgage by that percent too. If you sell, you’re entitled to your percent of the value and increase.

My ex and I did number 2, he put in more money than me at the start, we signed as JT. When we broke up he expected to gain unequal % of the rise in the asset and I said no. I was happy to let him have his initial deposit back, but there was never an agreement that he’d get increased value out of the house. If I wanted I could have taken part of his deposit too but I would never have done that.

So it’s best you actually understand what you’re doing here, as it’s actually you and not him who risks losing out here.

Original poster
Doodles29 · 07/11/2023 14:01

Just to give a bit of a background... the last property I jointly owned was with an ex partner. Once the house sold, I didn’t have enough money to set up on my own and so lived back with my parents.

My parents feel worried about this and feel that I should invest all of my money into the property to keep the money safe and grow the money (incase things go wrong again).

My parents are insistent that it is important for me to put all of my money in to secure me if the bad situation were to happen again. They have said that if I don’t listen to their advice and it goes wrong, they will not be taking me in again. They have said that they helped me to get out of the last bad relationship and although they like my boyfriend very much, they do not want to go through the pain again.

They think that if we split 50/50 and I have my £30K left over, that I am likely to then spend it on house renovations, and then if things go wrong, I won’t see that £30K again.

I feel conflicted in this situation as it is quite triggering with that I’ve been through already but I also respect what my boyfriend is saying.

OP posts:
FofB · 07/11/2023 14:06

Don't spend it all. Save enough. If it goes wrong, you've got enough to keep you going short term and you won't need to go back to your parents.

I think you should have an open conversation with your partner. Is he happy with your parents level of involvement in your decisions?

HeddaGarbled · 07/11/2023 14:09

My parents feel worried about this and feel that I should invest all of my money into the property to keep the money safe and grow the money

What if there’s a house price crash?

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