Silence treatment in a relationship

[3sausagedogs]

Help… Whenever my boyfriend gets cross with me he ignores me. Sometimes he just ignores me for ages, this time it’s been 2 days. We messaged about plans over the weekend and for some reason he’s obviously got angry because he’s not replying, I’ve asked him what’s happening and asked him to communicate with me and he is just giving me the silent treatment? Does anyone else have this and how long does it last? Is he ending things? It’s horrible getting the silent treatment

If you hang out on Mumsnet for any length of time you will see variants of your story depressingly often.

You are well rid.

I didn’t cry or beg I stayed calm let him offload and just insisted that I get my stuff back. I figure no point telling him how he’s made me feel etc he will just treat every women the same regardless! That’s why I guess these stories keep coming up because people don’t change or listen

Know that this is not about you, you are a good person and have done nothing wrong. He’s fucking nuts. Clearly has major major issues and it’s just bad luck for you that there was no warning. I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP. As dreadful as it was I’m glad you went to his house cos at least you have an ending now rather than limbo and at least you have your answer to what this was about: he’s fucking nuts!! Best of luck in the future you are far better off without this person. There is someone lovely out there for you who will treat you properly xxx

Agree with Catsafterme, get out now and I also wish I knew about this years ago and the first time ex did this to me would have told him it's over. It is very controlling abusive behavior and he wants to condition you to never do or say anything that he perceives as wrong again and before you know it he will do this all the time. He is punishing you and also is probably out enjoying himself so will use these excuses of how you did something wrong so he can piss off and do what he likes. Massive red flags and please do not put up with this abusive behavior, read up on it now and he is most likely a narcissist also.
If a person loves you they will not punish you and see you distressed, he only cares about himself. Move on while you are young and save yourself the heartache and soul destroying pain when he really decides to be nasty. Emotional abusive is vile and breaks you down completely. Do not walk away RUN fast away from this vile man who does not respect you.

As others have said make plans and go out and do not sit waiting for him to be in touch. He is not sitting at home but probably out on the town. Have boundaries and this has to be one of them. We are giving you advice from experience that we wish someone had told us.

Well done did not realize what happened, do not let him back into your life, put yourself first and be kind to yourself.

Whenever a man has ghosted me like that in the past, it's always been because they've started a new relationship and was just hoping I would go away. It hurts but they're better off out of our lives. Round up some girlfriends and go and let your hair down. Girly time always helps soothe the soul a little bit

That kind of reaction is the same type of venom I have been dealing with my stbxw for over a decade that's now leaning towards being seen as NPD, narcissistic abuse because it's so insane and consistent.

You may have been like me, in the discard phase if he is the same. They throw you out and hoover after discard to repeat the cycle but eventually at some point it's final. When that happens you are deemed scum, enemy number one. He did not want to see you, deal with you or think about you.

That is the end result when you confront one, narcissistic rage, anger like nothing have ever experienced before, unhinged anger. You must be to blame, protect their ego they cannot take shame, fault or be to blame.

You have had a lucky escape not going further with him, believe me, they are highly abusive, sadistic and evil. That reaction could of gone any of ways, you're lucky he's only gone that far and you can now hopefully move on.

Never, ever respond or entertain should anything come in the future. Cut all avenues just in case it wasn't the final. If it wasn't, imagine what the final would be like.

OP, you are well rid of him.

Please consider doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help build your boundaries and self esteem.

Your need to behave with dignity and courtesy when being treated appallingly will not serve you well in the long run.

You need to find your anger and self respect to protect you from awful men, who will treat you badly given half a chance.

You need to be super aware of red flags that mark out the arseholes in the population and kick them to touch with no more than two strikes EVER allowed.

Please own the fact that his ignoring you was awful behaviour which you accepted and as a result just got worse.

That was encouragement to him that your boundaries were non existent.

We teach people how to treat us.

What did your tolerating his behaviour teach him?

That he would behave as he did in front of his children marks him out as not just an arsehole, but as highly abusive scum.

His children were being emotionally abused by virture of witnessing such awful behaviour from him.

Learn about boundaries and self respect and you won't be wasting your time again on arseholes.

You deserve to be treated respectfully with kindness.

It is good that he has done yet another awful thing which has finally made you see what a nasty person he is.

In future, it's worth listening to people who look at your situation from the outside and have no emotional attachment because then it's easier for them to see clearer.

I know you’ve had loads of helpful replies OP but I just wanted to add my experience of this. I was married to a man who used to give me the silent treatment. It would be over the smallest of things…initially the silent treatment would last for a few hours, then it became days. I would always be desperate to sort things out as I hated falling out and was brought up to believe it was healthy to talk through any issues and sort them out. I would end up apologising to him (even though I didn’t really think I had done anything wrong) I ended up believing that I was always the one at fault, that I was a terrible partner and he was right. It was only after counselling (about something else) that I was able to see that this was emotional abuse and about control. He wanted to punish me and to always go along with what he wanted and his way of thinking. The longer I was with him the harder it was to leave and the worse the abuse and control became. He promised he would change and he never did, the emotional abuse always started again and I ended up cut off from friends and family to keep him happy and speaking to me.

Please please don’t put up with this!! He is an abuser. I hope you find the strength to move on from him and this relationship